the day it all began...

today was like any ordinary day. i woke up somewhat early by my standards, around 11. had breakfast, although i should be eating lunch. roti telur. teh. (what do they call roti telur in english anyways?) my eating schedule is never normal during the holidays, due to my abnormal sleeping pattern..

after grabbing a bite, went straight upstairs to continue playing this new game i just started playing. World of Warcraft. the game's not bad, not bad, although im not very good at it at the moment. continued playing till evening, stopped because frankly, my butts fallen asleep and i got left behind twice by my group in the game. huhu.

had a bit of lunch, and its 5 pm. i sometimes feel that eating is a burden, im really the 'eat to live, not live to eat' type of guy. im so lazy i feel eating is too much work, with all the chewing and the swallowing... haha. maybe i should get an IV for my next birthday. huhu. besides staying alive, most of the time i eat because if i dont, my mother gets somewhat angry.. so i guess im more of a 'eat to not get scold by my mother' type. haha.

went to bed. yup. i slept some more. why? ntah la. no, i wasnt tired. but thats what i do sometimes when i get bored. i force myself to sleep. haha. i think im getting better at it. cant remember the last time i couldn't sleep. one heck of a way to pass the time eh? ;P... although having too much sleep does have its side effects.. for one thing, its addictive. sleep, among other things, is something you can never get enough of. if you eat, when you're full, you stop eating, but if you sleep, when you're done sleeping, you still linger in bed and if not for that important thing you have to do, you wouldnt mind sleeping for a few more hours.. :P be warned though, too much sleep can make your head a bit dizzy.... trust me, im an expert. :P

woke up. time for dinner. dinner is the only meal which i eat on time. because if i eat too late, there wouldnt be anything to eat. haha. had pizza today. yeay! havent had one in a long time. also had the seafood lasagna and some garlic bread. did i mention my favorite type of food is fast food, specifically italian food? hehe. well, so far the only italian food ive ever had are pizzas, lasagnas, spaghettis... dunno any other italian dishes anyways, but the ones ive had are nice, so im guessing i like italian food. for this type of food, i dont mind all the chewing and the swallowing.. hehe. bring it on!

finished eating.. that was nice. went on to watch some tv. watched this movie with nicholas cage in it, the weather man. its about this weather guy, whose basically losing his family since he got divorced with his wife. so he tries to patch things up with his ex-wife so that they can be one big family again. very interesting movie. the moral of the story is things dont always go the way you plan it, but you live with it anyways.. "sometimes in life you just gotta chuck some things.." very interesting indeed. i wonder what my life would be 19 years from now.. =) ever really wondered what you would be doing in the future? i think about it all the time. what work ill be doing, am i really going to be a chemical engineer, how rich will i be, what my family would be like, if i am ever going to have a family, will i lead a fulfilling and successful life or be one of those ppl that waste their lives... only time will tell.

after that movie, nothing good was on tv, so i went back upstairs to my computer, and here i am. today was like any other day, except that today is my birthday. or should i say yesterday was my birhday. its 1 12 am rite now. its amazing really, how something that means so much to someone, can be of absolutely no meaning whatsoever to another. for instance, today, its my birthday, surely its a big deal for me, but to the guy next door, its like any other day. in fact, the other guy is having the right idea. it IS like any other day. i dont feel any different. i look the same as i did yesterday. im still the same person. i still act the same way. probably the only difference is that instead of saying 18, i now say 19 if someone asks my age.. so why celebrate anyways?

ive never really had a big birthday party. usually its just a quite dinner with my family, only the food is somewhat special than it usually is, and i get a present. so ive never really wanted a big fancy birthday party. and as i grow older, i realise that as it really is like any other day, the excitement slowly fades away.. i remember as a kid, i used to get so hyped up i would blab about my birthday a week earlier. haha. and when i was in school, how i would be completely mum about the whole birthday thing, acting all natural, but secretly waiting to see if anyone cared enough to remember it.. hehe. but nowadays, its like any other day, except for the fact i was born on this day, 19 years ago. no more blabbing, no more keeping mum. wait, i still keep quiet,  but only because not to make a big deal out of it. hehe.

but, as always, i do look forward to the wishes. who wouldnt be upset not to be remembered on the day they were born? but i never really cared for presents.. (why do we give presents on birthdays anyways?) and it seems even though sometimes it may not seem like it, a lot of people still remember my birthday. hehe. thanks guys. and so today, like the year before, i celebrated my birthday with my family. only this year we had pizza, last year we had cake, if memory serves me correctly. the only truly big birthday ive had was in pasum.. it wasnt all that big, coz i wasnt even there on my birthday, a relative of mine got married on that day (talk about stealing your thunder! haha.), but i got all these presents, and everyone was wishing me, so it was great! but the best part was when i got to the house where everyone was gathering for the wedding. i just arrived, went inside, and almost all of my relatives were there in the living room. and suddenly, everyone in the room started singing happy birthday..! wow. that was the best bday ever.

i guess i now understand why some ppl like to go all the way when it comes to their birthday party. perhaps i knew that all along, just wasnt that obvious. when you have a brain as cluttered as mine, writing your thoughts down in a blog helps alot. hehe. anyways, i guess that explains why i try to wish all my friends on their birthdays, and if possible, give them a present, or at least treat them to dinner or something (apart from being a good friend, of course..:P). after all, it is the day you were born. if no one cared if it was your birthday, wouldnt that be depressing? so, ppl, if someone you know is having his or her birthday, wish him/ her happy birthday. its a small gesture, but it goes a long way. it may be like any other day, and he or she may act like there's nothing to it, but to them, there's no other day like it. take care ppl. chow.

p/s: even though it is my birthday, in case i missed your birthday, happy belated birthday! :P

bosan.

bosan. bosan kan? duh... if you werent bored, you probably wouldnt be here. a friend of mine asked me to update my blog... so, here goes.. :P

dont want to talk so much this time. lets try to simplify things a bit. summarise everything up in short paragraphs.. coz it seems i never have the time to write long ones, so maybe if i wrote short ones, id be more motivated to update often. hehe.

soo.... what to talk about.... reunions. yeah. im having one, in less than a months time. friends from pasum. again. haha. it seems like these are the only people i stick around with, the ones i keep in touch with regularly, without any obligation to do so.. haha. there are ppl you talk to because you want to, and there are those ppl you talk to because you have to, because you meet them everyday, and it would be somewhat impolite not to. ive talked bout this already before. i tend to talk bout things over and over again, am i getting forgetful? huhu.

reunions. it isnt so easy to organise one. believe me. my friends and i took like a few months just to organise this one, and we're a group of ten people. yes, ten. imagine how difficult for those old schools, universities, to organise their reunions. even with my small group, some of them cant make it. quite dumb, isnt it? i mean, we arranged for this thing months before, and for some bloody reason, one guy got involved in something and cant make it. pardon my language. not too happy bout it. there's a bloody reason why we plan things like this early, so that nothing goes wrong, so that everyone can make it. ugh. humans. to err is human, i guess. and i should know, i am one. haha. oh well, lifes like that.

what else... should i talk bout the exams? nah... ive talked bout that loads of times.. why is it that students can never find anything else to talk bout except for studies when we're breaking the ice, or meeting and old friend, or anything for that matter...? or is it just me? am i turning into a geek? arrghh! cant be. i barely study at all !! haha. maybe its one of those topics. something common. not too personal, yet not TOO common. just nice to break the ice. i hope so. dont think im a geek, and not too keen turning into one, either. hehe.

geeks.. what is the exact definition of a geek? yeah. i havent talked bout this before. although the topic did come up in my everyday chit chat, once or twice. how DO you tell if you're a geek or not..? is there a fixed standard, as in the number of books you read per week, or something? its all a blurr, really. my opinion, really depends on you whether you think you're a geek or not. if you dont think that you're a geek, who cares what other ppl think, rite? so even if your idea of an exciting afternoon is deriving the MacLaurins series (mathematical equation, btw. i AM a geek... *sigh*. haha), as long as you think you're not a geek, then you're not, friend. dare to be geeky. =)

moving on. what else do i have to say? life is so boring these days, i cant even think of something interesting to write about. aha. remembered something. hamsters. a friend of mine, has two hamsters, and apparently, the hamsters, well, being hamsters, did what hamsters do best, and now, she has 2 big hamsters and 6 tiny ones, (when i say tiny, i mean, really tiny, according to her, smaller than duit 10 sen..). so, the story goes that she doesnt really want to keep the offspring, so she's giving them out to ppl that want them... and after hearing so many of her hamster stories, haha, (cant get enough of them,really), i asked her for two of the baby hamsters. haha. imagine, the king of slackers, is going to take care of two, extremely fragile creatures. haha. i dunno what i was thinking... haha. but, its a challenge. maybe these little rodents will turn me into the responsible, matured, person im destined to be. eceh... haha. i like hearing updates about those little critters, so im guessing when i have some of my own, ill probably enjoy telling stories bout them, so to all those blog hoppers(thx ayol for the term.. =) ), look out for more of my blogs in the future. ( i always say ill update my blog often, but i never really do it. haha. sori guys. ill try to do it this time around.)

last paragraph, ladies and gentleman. update on my life. haha. erm, i was the emcee of a raya dinner recently. haha. i thought i sucked real bad, but ppl r saying that i only suck a little bit, so not that bad.. haha. although there was that one time, when my mind went blank, and i couldnt say anything, so i said,... 'please enjoy your dinner?'. oh God. THAT, was embarassing. haha. not bad for my 1st attempt. erm, took my deans list cert on that night also. nice. looking forward to taking more of those in the future. hehehe. hopefully. what else.... oh yeah, my dad's bday. slamat ari lahir ayah... =) my bday's on the 10th of December ppl, try not to forget. :P but if you do forget, oh well, cant really blame ya. there's at least 6 billion ppl on earth at the moment, im just another name in the crowd. but if you did NOT forget, thanks mate! dont really expect any gifts, just a simple wish would be great. =)

the actual last paragraph. hehe. cant wait for the exams to end, bored to death. i havent gone to a shopping complex to hang out, for months. geek? yup... cant really say anything to defend myself. not the coolest of ppl. haha. and not exactly the friendliest. ;P but definitely one of the cutest... (did i hear someone barf?) haha. kidding. all the best in life, live life to the fullest, life's too short to live a half-life. if that even makes sense. haha. chow. =)

In summary.

fuh!

at last, i finally hv the time, the determination, the stories, the lack of anything else to do, to write my blog... how long has it been? too long, i should say..lets see how this one goes... not sure if my writing skills are as good as they were, assuming that they were good at any point.. huhu.

lets start from way back, shall we? convo performance. it was ok.. nothing special bout it, really. hehe. but the benefits were great! i got food coupons for a week, one week of free food.. huhu. who wudnt want that... good food tastes great, but FREE good food tastes even better.. hehe. whats more is that i got about RM 18 per day worth of coupons. yeah, RM18. dats like two days worth of food coupons for me.. and dats if i eat western food on both days. since the coupons expire when the week ends, it was western for lunch, western for dinner, and if it were possible, probably western for breakfast as well... i rarely eat bfast, even thought some say its the most important meal of the day, i rarely eat it (in utp that is..). but with the coupons, i went and have me one hell of a bfast (compared to the usual plain water..).. huhu. and still, i have extra coupons... even if i were to buy some of my friends dinner, i would still have extra coupons... happy times, happy times. and did i mention im getting paid to perform during the convo? haha. free food, and getting paid. nothing beats that. hehe. oh yeah, not forgetting the main thing, the performance was ok, not bad, although im still doing lots of mistakes.. more practice required..

motorcycle accident. huh. nvr saw this one coming. but i guess if you can predict an accident happening, you wouldnt be calling it an accident... here's how it happened. i was riding my motorcycle that one night, it was dark, didnt really see that the road was quite sandy, so when i went in a corner a wee bit too fast, i braked, and bam! next thing i know, i was on the road sliding to the side.. ouch. at first the shock was overwhelming! i didnt even realised what had just happened. and just my luck, no one was around at the time. so with the shock, and the lack of knowledge on what to do on such an incident, i just yelled out 'tolong!' a couple of times and waited for people to come to the rescue.. haha. quite dumb, i shud say. after realising that no one was there, then i came to my senses... started pushing the motorcycle bit by bit, bcoz i was pinned under the motorcycle, you see, thats why i was just waiting for someone to come, bcoz lets face it, motorcycles arent exactly the lightest things in the world, especially when your feet and hands are bleeding and God knows where else... finally got the motorcycle off, stood up, called up the owner of the motorcycle.. oh yeah, forgot to mention, the motorcycle wasnt mine. double ouch. no reply. called someone else. it was around this time that someone finally came around.. stopped the guy, and asked him to help me pick up the motorcycle, and if possible, send me to a clinic. did i mention im still bleeding here? haha. oh yeah, whats more miraculous is that my handphone still works! yeah, it still works! bcoz the first thing that i noticed after i stopped sliding on the road was that my handphone was sticking out of my pocket, and not from the hole where i slide my hands in, apparently a new hole, made during the sliding process.. huhuhu. sedey giler. but at least it still works, even with all the scratches and cracks... score one for motorola... huhu.

moving on, just as the guy that i stopped was going to give me a lift, out of nowhere, a friend of mine, passed by the area.. completely by chance! well, sort of chance, it just so happens he had to do something and he had to go thru here to get there. the place that i fell down wasnt exactly the busiest of places, but i guess you guys guessed that when i said i yelled help and no one came... so instead of the guy that i stopped, my friend took me to the clinic.. although, i have to say something. the guy that i stopped for help, seemed somewhat reluctant to help me. i mean, if it was him that fell down, and it was me that passed by, i probably wouldnt think twice bout taking him to the clinic.. but he seemed somewhat, unwilling to do so. ah well, some ppl just dont have the moral values that i have.. haha. but i guess im lacking in humility when i say that. and thats bout it, my friend took me to the clinic, where the owner of the motorcyle was already there, the guy that i called after i called him, called someone else to get him... the damage on the motorcycle was minimal, in case you're wondering, becoz my feet was trapped between the road and the motorcycle. ouch, but it sounds a lot worse than it is actually.. i think. huhu. and thats bout it.. had to walk like a robot for a week, hurts like hell, especially when taking a bath... some ppl said "kenapa bagi kena air?! mmg la sakit..." but then, if i didnt let water hit the wound, it wouldnt be clean now, would it?  and thats bout it... nothing much. huhu. although i did learn a very valuable lesson from this. an accident is called an accident, becoz ppl dont plan to do it, it just so happens..... the reason why there's a speed limit on our roads and highways, is bcoz, although u may feel comfortable driving at fast speeds, u may not be able to react once sumthing unexpected happens.. oh yeah, thanks to the friend, achul, that helped me when i was in need, a friend in need, is a friend indeed, as they say, and to all that visited and helped me during my healing period.. your help is greatly appreciated, i only hope that i can repay your kindness someday... and one more thing, never do things that your parents dont approve of, because when they dont approve of it, God wont approve of it either, and something bad's bound to happen.. my parents dont like me riding the riding the motorcycle, but since its the easiest and most convenient mode of transport in the university, i cant really avoid using it.. long story short, i learned my lesson.. the hard way. hehe.

what else.... hmm. let me think. my studies? yeah, i guess i cant talk bout that for a bit. my study sucks these days. ive become ever so lazy nowadays, i barely do anything at all other than relaxing and enjoying myself... and my test & quiz results show it... real bad. im starting to worry if i can repeat last semester's performance, let alone make it better. oh well, we'll see how that one goes.

oh yeah, ive gotten involved in a charity project of sorts. its called khidmat bakti siswa. erm, basically, its like a homestay program, but unlike a homestay program where you pay to stay and have fun, enjoy village life, this homestay, you pay to stay in someones house to do charity work for the village. huhu. as bad as that may sound, it was quite fun. relaxing. well, there were times when i was stressed, partly because i was part of the organizing comittee, partly because i was damn tired at the time, hehe, but, overall it was a fulfilling experience. to actually contribute towards the improvement of something... for example, one of the things we did was clean up the graveyard in that area. the graveyard at first was a total mess. full of grass, weeds, in fact some of the bushes at the place totally covered up some graves. but when we were done with the place, you can totally see the difference. and that brings a sort of satisfaction... unexpected, i must say. honestly, i joined the thing to get a certificate, ive never joined anything since ive been in utp, and of course to do some good, but never thought that doing something good for no reward whatsoever would be fulfilling. huhu. listen to the so-called slacker talking. but as joey from 'friends' once said, "theres no such thing as a selfless good deed". because when you think about it, no matter how selfless an act you commit, you've gotta admit, you still feel good about it afterwards.. example, you give some money to the poor and needy, sure, you lose a couple of bucks for ppl you dont even know, but deep down inside, you're happy that you can help a fellow human being out. so, not exactly selfless. haha.

and thats pretty much it. huhu. one month of my life, in summary. cant write too detailed, the details are quite blurry now, bcoz it took me long enough to write the damn blog. hehe.

lets talk bout some stuff that havent happened, but probably are. my group of friends from pasum are trying to organise a reunion, for the 1000th time. haha. its just that it never really happens, somebody's bound to have something on that date, and so its not exactly a full reunion if not everyone's present. some are just too... whats the word im looking for.... too... for lack of a better word, too full of crap. haha. sorry. i cant find the word im looking for, probably because it doesnt exist. although there is a word for it in bahasa melayu. ngade2. for some itsy bitsy reason, they dont want to come to the reunion. or they just dont give a crap bout meeting up. example, ive asked ppl to meet up with me when i come to kl, lets say a few days in advance, and when the actual day comes, they say im too far away too meet up laa... "siapa suh u dtg" la.... i mean, wtf? i came 300 km from ipoh just to meet you guys (not all, a select few), but you cant travel 20 minutes by lrt to meet me? haha. damn. real nice friends i have. and its the same with this upcoming reunion. ader je mslhnye. nk gerak sama2 la. nk tuka tmpt la. nk bwk kete la. xtau tmpt la. i mean, wut the hell is the bloody problem? does it really matter where we meet up?? it doesnt really matter where you meet, or how you get there, or what you do once you're there, or how in the blue hell you're supposed to go around, or if you're un-friggin-familiar with the area, its who you meet up with.. huh. pardon my lack of politeness. lets just say, you havent met your parents for one year. would you give a crap if the only place you could meet them was at the summit of mount kinabalu? or in a stinking public toilet? no. you wouldnt. although this may not be the best of comparison, considering we all love our parents a lot more than our friends.. but as engineers say, its an ideal situation. you see, in engineering, most of the things that we study are in ideal state, meaning, its absolutely perfect, with no flaws. it doesnt happen in real life, but we study it anyways so that we can compare the real life cases with the ideal ones. so in this case, the ideal person or people to meet would be ones parents, but in real life, the ones that we havent met is our friends. hehe. enough engineer talk. it really depends on how much you want to meet up with your friends. i once went on a get-together with some friends, and i ended up sleeping in an airport, much like the movie 'the terminal'. haha. but, i didnt get mad at the guy that planned the trip, its not his fault, but it may have made us a lot closer in the end, considering neither of us pointed the finger to anyone of us.. friends till the end mates. although there was a certain someone that was responsible for that particular disaster, a girl, huhu, but in the spirit of ramadhan al-mubarak, ill refrain from mentioning the name here. oit. back to the original topic. erm, basically, i dont really care where we meet, dont really care what we're going to do there, what i do care about is that everyones there. sure, i want to be comfortable, i want to have fun, but to waste more time rethinking where to go after all the plans have been made, thats just plain useless. oh well. they say that great minds think alike, if im one of the great minds, i guess the friends that are still rethinking all this stuff arent so great-minded. hahaha. or it cud be the other way around. just kidding ppl. i can only ask that we put aside all the useless squabling on how to get there, whether we should gather up before going, and just concentrate on getting there, plan on where to stay, where to go, what to do, and who to contact in case of emergencies. yup, i think thats bout it. but if you guys still want to discuss these things, fine by me. the normal lifespan of a human being these days in average is 67 years old. im 18 now. so theoretically speaking, i have another 59 years to go to reunions, so no hurry guys. hua3. but seriously, try to hurry things up. while im still young. haha.

i think ill stop here for now. hehe. ive got a plant visit tomorrow. im visiting a chemical plant or something. a cement factory if im not mistaken. at 8 30 am. its 3 30 am now. hehe. selamat berpuasa to all muslims.  may we all improve ourselves during this holy month, if not drastically, a small improvement is better than nothing at all. dunno when ill be writing again, most probably not in the nearest future, my procrastinating habits are taking a toll on me, a whole lot of stuff to do in such a short amount of time. hehe. till i find the time, the initiative, the lack of stuff to do and the lack of stuff that needs to be done, hehe, take care, stay young, chow.

friends i don't like?

peculiar title eh? i thought so too when i saw this term the first time. i was reading a bulletin a friend of mine put up when i came across it. "Honestly, do you have a friend you don't like?" at first i thought, "how weird is that, how can you still be friends with someone you don't like!?" but after taking the time to think about it for a bit, i guess its absolutely TRUE... when i think about it, yeah, sure, i like my friends, i'd do almost anything for some of my friends, but there are times when i cant even stand them! (and im sure there are moments when they cant stand me... huhu). even with my closest friends, i get into arguments or squabbles sometimes...

so surely there are friends that i dont like. friends that i just cant be around. but that is somewhat weird since if you cant be around that person, can you really call that person your friend? i guess the answer is yes, probably because you dont have a choice. your life is somewhat intertwined with his/hers. there are some friends i would gladly run away from, simply because our personalities dont match. there are certain types of ppl that i cant mix with, no matter what. why? because when im around these ppl, i cant be myself. most of the time, thats the reason. one thing about me, is that im no hypocrite. i dont tell lies. im probably not so good at concealing my emotions, especially if its anger... when im angry with you, there's no such thing as "yasin ni mcm marah je..."... when im angry with you, you'll definitely KNOW. because i'll tell it straight to your face that im angry about something , with the exception of certain ppl, of course, such as my parents, family. i care/respect these ppl too much to be that angry with them...

so, probably the number one person i cant be around is ppl that cant admit to their mistakes, or doesnt take thrashing (when they deserve it) very well... i simply cant stand this kind of ppl and they probably cant even look at me without turning into stone or sumthing.. haha. when you make a mistake, whats the right thing to do? well, in my book, you apologise and/or try to make things rite... these type of ppl dont do that. in their book, "when i make a mistake, the last thing i want to do is apologise... coz that'll make me look more idiot-like than i already am.. no, i should deny ever making a mistake, blame everyone else, and if that doesnt work, shut up and completely ignore the person scolding me until he/she leaves... yeah! damn i'm clever!..." yeah, from what ive seen so far, thats probably how they deal with things in life... i cant possibly do something like this, im far too responsible to just deny whatever mistake i do, well, most of the time, at least. plus, if im doing the scolding, and suddenly the guy ignores me, i know i have to stop, bcoz he's not responding to the scolding and by the face he's making, i know he's offended... but you cant imagine how i feel!! i cant truly describe how i feel when this happens. angry, because the person at wrong isnt admitting his mistakes or apologising, and bloody frustrated, for....  ARGHH!! yeah, thats it. ARRGGHH!!! although this is how i feel, that idiot doesnt know this, because all he/she can get through his/her thick skull is "that bloody bastard scolded me.. i am truly hurt". so i try to patch things up, even though my heart is on the verge of breaking in half.. but one can only hold on for so long.. lets just say that these type of ppl, i do talk to once in a while, but i dont get too close to them... i guess i consider them my friends, with the word 'friends' here meaning ppl i hv to talk to, but dont want to...

2nd type of person i cant be around is, ppl that cant accept my type of humor. for those that dont know, im very very sarcastic. i think i got it from my father. why do i say that? well, i didnt really realise it at first until a close friend of mine pointed it out to me a few years back. i was telling him the joke that my father made when my family went to a kenduri. there was this one kid sitting at the same table as us. he was quite the hyperactive one.. always moving around, playing with his food, and we were enjoying his company... then, while eating, he burped real loud... huhu. and my brother, or was it me, that said, "uish, kuatnye sendawa...! hehe". then, the kid asked me "sendawa tu apa?" haha. before i cud answer him, my father said "sendawa ni mcm rabbit, tapi telinga dia pjg sikit... " hahahahaha. this one guy sitting in front of me almost choked (aper 'tersedak' dlm english?) on his drink... haha. so, sarcasm runs in the family. haha. like father, like son, they always say. ke mana tumpahnye kuah kalau tak ke bawah. haha. moving on, later i found out that jokes like these, not everyone can comprehend.. huhu. in fact, some are actually offended by these types of jokes. of course once in a while i slip in some nasty comments such as "2+2=5? You're a freaking 'genius'!".. hehe. but its all in good fun. i dont mind ppl doing that to me. but some just cant take it. and if i do one about them, they get offended, then either get angry with me, or try their best to hurt my feelings back, which was never my intention.. it was just plain teasing. apparently, no matter how smart some ppl are, they cant appreciate such a simple form of fun which is sarcasm.. so, with me not being able to change my true nature of being sarcastically funny all the time, i think you can figure out why these type of ppl cant stick with me for too long...

i dont like being used. nobody likes being used. i had a friend once. yeah, had. i dont feel like calling this guy my friend anymore, bad as that may sound. he seems to have the idea that im he's private money lender or something, and instead of actually returning the money when he has some, he seems to think that he doesnt have to. oh yeah, sure, when he wants to borrow the money, its all "ill pay you as soon as possible...". nothing but lies. me and this guy were quite close at school, which is the reason why i dont mind him borrowing my money, and why im dumb enough to believe all his crap. so when we finished school, we didnt contact each other that much for some reason. until recently, he contacted me, asking me how am i, what am i doing now, all those stuff. he even asked me when i was coming home. thinking how close we were back then, i thought then that maybe he really did want to get together and catch up on lost times.. although theres always that small voice saying "he's just doing this to gain something from you.." . i guess i should always listen to that small voice, as it turns out he only wanted to meet to borrow my cd player.. haha. and to think i actually, truly thought that he actually wanted to see me just for the sake of catching up.. haha. yasin, yasin. how foolish you are. i normally dont say any names in my blog, but this time, ill make an exception. he probably wont be reading this blog, probably cant considering his 'extremely high' level of english proficiency, but ill say his name anyways. Am, go to hell. f**k the hell off. you are no longer my friend, and if memory serves me right, you probably never were...

hmmm... lets talk bout something as. the orchestra. yeah, i like being in the orchestra. going for training is one of the things i look forward to every week. i dont know most of the ppl in the orchestra, im only close with the other violinists, but still, i look forward to the training sessions all the time. probably because i like playing the violin. its not that i cant play in my room, but if i play in my room, it wont sound so nice.. hehe. the orchestra is now getting ready for the convo performance, and it seems that before the convo performance, there'll be one small performance.. cant wait for that. huhu. its exciting really, performing on stage. there's a certain thrill, certain excitement you cant get anywhere else. hehe. i can see now why some very old artists still like to do concerts even though they look old enough to be my grandfather... haha. and some of them are grandfathers... huhu. my violin skills arent improving that much these days, due to the lack of training, but i guess it'll improve slowly.. rome wasnt built in a day.

so i guess thats about it, my friends. yes, for those that read this blog, i consider you ppl as my friends. why would i do such a thing when i dont even know who is reading this blog? to me, it doesnt really matter who's reading this, what matters is that you're reading it. it means you care about my life, about my feelings, or at the very least, you care about what i have to write. so thank you, friend (and cousins, of course. hehe). it is hard to find a true friend these days, one that understands you, one that without any hidden agenda, truly cares about you and your well-being. therefore, i feel truly blessed, despite the fact that some ppl arent exactly my friends, i am lucky enough to have true friends, friends that i would follow to the ends of the earth, to the deepest depths of the ocean, the farthest reaches of the galaxy, simply because, i know that these ppl would do nothing less for me. chow.

"Remind me that we'll always have each other,
when everything else is gone."

Dig - Incubus