Monday, November 16, 2015

Wants and Needs.

Is wanting something a part of being human?

I think so.

No matter how happy and how satisfied you are with your life, deep down inside, most likely, secretly, you still have that teeniest tiniest desire for something.

Something other than what you already have.

If you're a student for example, probably would want to pass the exams with flying colours.

Then after passing the exam, you'd want to graduate.

After graduating, you'd want a good job.

After getting a good job, you'd want car, house, marriage, kids, more money, more kids, better job....

List goes on and on.

If you're not looking something else, you're looking for more of something you already have.

More money. More fun. More health. More food. More kids.

More than one wife. Lol.

It's a whole lot easier to learn to be content with what you have.

But that's easier said than done.

Money can't buy happiness.

I've personally met people that has loads of money, but live miserable lives.

But you can't say money doesn't help in achieving happiness.

I've never met anyone that becomes sad when he gets money.

Money isn't everything, but everything is money.

Question : is it wrong to want more than what you already have?

Some people label this as being ungrateful.

I know some people have labelled me as being ungrateful for leaving the country.

Yet commenting on people's lives in Malaysia.

People can be real assholes sometimes.

It's as if when I took this new job, I'm now swimming in a pool of gold coins and am suddenly out of touch with what normal people go through in Malaysia.

That middle-income trap people are yakking on about? Yeah, been there, done that.

And believe me when I say this, Malaysians are one of the luckiest people on earth, but we're too busy looking at how great other countries are supposedly are, that we become so hateful to the land we are born in.

Yes, our country isn't the safest country in the world.

Yes, our country isn't the richest country in the world.

Yes, our country isn't the most (insert attribute here) in the world.

But it sure as hell isn't the worst. Yet we act like it is.

When I strive for something better, it only means that I'm working towards a goal and has nothing to do whatsoever with how grateful or ungrateful I am.

If I feel hungry and work towards finding food to feed myself, would that be considered as ungrateful? Following some people's logic, I should be grateful that I have a stomach to feel hungry with, as some people don't have stomachs due to them being removed for whatever reason.

So if I have food, if I look for better tasting food, would that make me ungrateful? Hell no.

But if I curse and I whine and I complain constantly about how sucky my food is and how I express with extreme clarity how I dearly wish for better tasting food, then I feel these are the characteristics of an ungrateful person.

At least that's how I feel.

If anything, getting more means I am even more grateful.

Although I sometimes forget.

But my gratefulness to God does not disappear with me not getting what I want.

But it does increase when I do get what I want.

I am only human. This is how we are.

I wanted to talk about something else in this post, but suddenly this topic crossed my mind. Oh well.

A thought crossed my mind the other day.

Do I really need to own a house?

I mean sure, it would be ideal to actually own a piece of property that you could call your own.

But economically, is it really worth it?

You're bound to a huge loan that you will only pay off once you're significantly older.

Forget for a moment that house prices go up each year. Coz so long as you're not selling the house, you're not really making any money.

Think about how much you would pay for a house on a monthly basis, and compare that with how much it would probably cost you to rent it.

As opposed to a car for example, it's definitely more worth it to buy a car, rather than rent one, because the rent rate is WAY higher.

And technically speaking you do make money with your car as you travel around in it to get to work i.e you can't make money without it.

But according to most people, it is better to invest in a house rather than in a car, because house prices appreciate, and car prices depreciate.

Just my weird way of seeing the world.

Speaking of seeing the world, all goes well I'll be seeing another side of the world in December. Maybe I'll post about it.

Travelling is expensive. No wonder people subtly brag about their travels on Facebook / Twitter / Instagram.

"I  spent shitloads of money coming here and I'm the only one that will know? NO, the WORLD has to know!".

Cue check-in to fancy foreign place, photo album post, tag friends to rub it into their faces.

Or maybe they just wanna share their happiness.

Well, that's it for now. Apologies if I offended anyone reading.

IF anyone is reading this.


Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Heart, mind and body


To write and show it to the public leaves your vulnerable.

Sometimes the thought of it can be overwhelming.

I often find myself writing things, but decided they were too personal or too stupid or too whatever to be shared and I don't.

I suppose that means that I'm an introvert? We think a lot, and we speak only when necessary.

Most of the time anyway.

I was lucky enough to be able to visit Madinah recently. It's my second time there.

Being there really puts a few things in perspective.

It being off-peak season now (Hajj season just ended, and most pilgrims have left the country and they haven't opened application for umrah visa), I managed to stay at a 5-star hotel at a relatively cheap price.

Although what counts as a 5-star hotel nowadays is beyond me. But anyways.

When I arrived (it was around 1 am), I checked into the hotel, and I went straight to the mosque for ziarah.

People were sleeping all over the mosque grounds. I don't think most .of them had places to sleep other than the mosque itself.

So it really made me reflect on how lucky I really am.

Also being there made me think on how our environment affects who we are.

Being in Madinah and not wanting to waste the opportunity, I went to the mosque almost every chance I get.

But back in Abu Dhabi, even though there's a mosque right behind my apartment, I seldom pray there.

Only every now and then, to be honest.

I love the environment there. The spirit of the place.

You forget all about work, all about life, and you just focus on your relationship with God.

You wake up, you eat, you pray, you sleep.


There's a definite calming effect to it. Submitting yourself to God.

Life is peaceful when it is kept simple. Nothing to worry about. No trivial pursuits of fortune or other worldly achievements.

Just you minding your own business. Doing what God intended you to be doing in the first place.

Somewhere along the way, we lost ourselves. Our purpose.

We chase things that won't make us happy. We shun the things that will make us happy.

Isn't that really life's biggest test?

To be in the right path, we need to ignore what our brain is saying is the path to happiness, and put our faith completely in God and His Messenger.

To be truthful, it sounds counter-intuitive but that's what it is.

It's what's best for us.

For He knows best.

I'm very philosophical when it comes to these things. I apologize if this is boring you.

This whole working abroad experience has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Although I think about going home a lot, this adventure I've gotten myself into has definitely changed me and I do not regret taking the leap of faith.

It's a scary thing, packing up and leaving the comforts of your home country, to make a living elsewhere.

You don't know what to expect.

The most simplest of things back home can be extremely difficult to accomplish elsewhere.

Sometimes I feel bewildered and debilitated.

Sometimes you just feel so out of place you just want to be curled up in a fetal position in your bed and let the days past you by.

And sometimes that's exactly what you need to do.

To get rid of that feeling of weakness.

But if you keep on doing that, your life will go to waste.

So sometimes you've gotta slap yourself back to reality and go out and do stuff.

You've come all this way, going out that door and facing the world isn't as tough as it used to be.

You're probably stronger than you give yourself credit for anyways.

So in the end it all depends on you.

You can either let life kick your ass, or you can take charge and grab life by the balls.

And I feel this applies to almost everyone, and not just me.

Well, that's it for now.


Saturday, June 27, 2015

Mind Maze Worded Weirdly

The feeling is either there or it isn't.

There's no forcing it. 

Do I give up too easily?

Or am I fundamentally flawed? Unable to exist in a long term arrangement?

Forever seeking the excitement of new endeavours?

I'm complicated. 

One of a kind? Heh. I'm sure there's plenty of me out there.

All traipsing through life, without proper purpose, living out the life given.

Foolishly wasting away.

Perhaps this is my destiny. Which among us truly knows?

Hope lives on. As long as the heart stays beating. 

The struggle continues.

There is no escaping ourselves.

We are our own worst enemy.

Forever bound until our dying breath.

Looking back at the bridges burnt, I feel remorse.

What will happen when I stumble onto another hapless bridge? 

Would fear overcome me and I decide to stay on this side?

Or would I still cross in seeking the greener grass?

Move forward and hope for the best.

Sometimes we say things we don't mean, and sometimes I hope I mean the things I say.

Apology is just another to be thrown around, but this one comes sincere.

I wish you a better life. All of you.

It's not me. It's you. 

At least that's what I tell myself.


Sunday, June 14, 2015


I feel that I am a hypocrite.

I appear to be a decent person to the public. When only God knows how indecent I am when hidden from public sight. And how indecent I am inside my thoughts.

God has spared me of the embarrassment of my true self being exposed to the public. My thoughts are my own.

I try to be a better person. I reflect on myself constantly. I am my own worst critic.

I suppose this is the greater jihad that Rasulullah S.A.W has mentioned in his hadith.

It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), said to his companions when they returned from a military campaign, “We have come back from the lesser jihaad to the greater jihaad.” They said, “Is there any greater jihaad than jihaad against the kuffaar?” he said, “Yes, jihaad al-nafs (jihaad against the self).”

It is a never-ending battle. If you think that you are good enough, then you have lost. There is always something there for you to improve.

I am afraid. I would not know where I would end up if I die right this very second. Would I be counted as the faithful? Or would I be sorted amongst the sinners? Wallahu'alam.

And even this fear is not strong enough to lead me away from sin.

May we all be guided towards the true path.