Wednesday, August 19, 2009


i have a meeting with my Final Year project supervisor tomorrow at 8 a.m. its 2.20 a.m now. its not exactly the most suitable time for me to be updating my blog, but what the hell. i never really did care about the concept of time and how much hours of sleep a normal human being should have.

honestly, i haven't been that busy at all. really, not that busy. but definitely very busy compared to before. lol. so it kinda bothered, not stopped, my usual wasting of time.

there has been a lot on my mind recently. well there is always a lot on my mind, but now i figured there's MORE,  so its a lot more than usual. see what i mean? writing nonsensical sentences. lol

realize it or not, its my final year. in this university. it feels weird, trying to figure out, where all that time went. maybe i left it under my bed. zzz.

a couple of friends have already graduated. some have even got their jobs and are starting very soon. wow. ah, but thats now what i wanted to talk about. what i wanted to talk about was how inconsiderate of a friend i was.

it was their convocation. a once-in-a-lifetime thing. and i couldn't even wake up early to show my support. honestly i felt like crap. well, i probably felt more sleepy than guilty, coz i went back to sleep even after waking up. but still, i shouldn'tve done that.

honestly, i wanted to go to kl. um. to see one close friend's graduation. well actually there were 2 friends that were graduating, but one's convocation was in the middle of the week, so i can't really skip class to go. well, i CAN skip, but i do not want to. i'm proud to say that i have not skipped ANY class AT ALL this semester. yeay for me! :)

anyways, as i was planning to actually go to the friend's convocation, i found out that UTP's convocation is on the same weekend. crap. i do have friends here as well that are graduating. so i decided not to go to kl, to be here for the friends here's convocation.

which i in the end missed.

what kind of a friend am i?

well, to be fair, i don't really think i'm THAT close with them, but its just good manners. doesn't have to be super duper close to actually go to someone's convocation. sigh. sorry friends.

honestly, people must think im a real jerk. haha. and who can blame them, i am. sometimes.

maybe its just because people just don't know me.

but how can people actually get to know me if i don't really give them a chance?


i dunno. some people managed to do it. so its not entirely impossible now is it?


why just today, someone said "lawak gak ko nih". in a way that implied that she previously thought i was NOT FUNNY.


and here i thought i was being funny all this while. zzz. remind me not to try out to be a comedian any time soon.

i guess people judge by what they see. as do i.

i must admit im definitely the most warm person to talk to. definitely not the most friendly person. oh and have i mentioned i have this thing where i don't like people that are too cheerful?

no i do NOT hate kittens and no, i am NOT a psychopath. at least i dont think so.

but really, do i care what people think of me? [answer : yes]

its hard not to care what people think of you when your life revolves around you AND other people. BUT,... i will not do anything i would not want to do JUST to change what people think of me. for instance, i'm not going to suddenly go all-happy and cheery all of a sudden and suddenly be all-talkative to everyone.


i'm just going to be the usual lazy-looking, keeps-to-his-friends me. in short, i care about what people think of me, but not enough to do anything about it. hahaha.

but there are people that i listen to. i mean, i do listen to my friends. i do listen to my family. there was a time in the past where people actually came to me to talk about their problems. why? well, i'm not entirely sure, but i THINK its because i try not to judge. or at the very least not tell it to their face and be mean and shit. haha.

there was one time when a friend of mine was telling me about her new boyfriend. i asked her what happened to her old boyfriend. and so she went about how she was with her boyfriend and then another guy came into the picture and at one time she had TWO boyfriends and etc2.

i could've just said to her what a "bad person" (refraining from using bad words :P) she was for doing such a thing but instead i just listened, with the occasional voicing out my more polite thoughts. sometimes the reason people talk to others is not to ask for advise, not to be judged, but just to let it out. to be able to tell someone, or just share it with someone is a huge relief on its own.

usually what i do when i write a post is that i re-read everything i type so that it actually makes sense to people when they read it. well not this time. haha. i digress.

what was it i was talking about again?

[scrolls back up]

ah, so its convo, bad friend, people not knowing me, not caring what people think, used to be a good friend....

you know, sometimes when i read other people's blog, i wonder if my blog will ever be this interesting. haha. coz some bloggers are really good story-tellers. (totally out of the blue, i know)

okay! moral of the story.
  1. be a good friend.

  2. ATTEND ur friends convo.

  3. do not judge people even though it isn't really your fault sometimes

  4. do not change who you are for people who couldn't care less

  5. DO CHANGE yourself for the better for YOURSELF and people that do care!

  6. try to make sense when you blog (put yourself in the reader's shoes)

  7. always get enough sleep before meeting your lecturer.

i should go to bed before i confuse people even more. selamat berpuasa!

take care. :)