Saturday, December 18, 2010


I was standing in a field of grass, that stretched as far as the eye could see. There were no hills, no trees, no buildings, just grass all around.

It was dark. My heart tells me it was not night time, but there was little sunlight to be seen. The sky looked like it was about to rain, but I did not hear any thunder.

The grass swayed from right to left, suggesting that the wind was blowing. I did not feel it on my skin, nor did I hear it blow.

It would have been a beautiful sight, were it not so dark and gloomy. Nevertheless, not often do you get a view such as this all to yourself.

But I was not the only one there. There was someone else.

Or something.

A shadowy creature stood only a few feet away from me. I could not see the face of this hunched figure, partly due to the dark skies, but mostly due to the darkness surrounding it, conveniently disguising its identity.

It was angry.

I felt that it, or rather he was angry.

At me.

He scolded me for something, I could not understand the words he said, but I knew he was scolding me for something I did.

I was afraid. I apologized, but the words that were coming out of my mouth, I could not decipher. I still can not. But I knew what I was saying.

Perhaps there is a language that I did not know I could speak. Or perhaps I have forgotten.

He was not satisified. He moved closer towards me. He did not walk, for he did not have any legs. Only upon recalling the ordeal did I remember that, where there should have been legs, there was smoke.

I did not feel threatened, for some reason. He was standing closer now, facing towards me, speaking in a calmer voice. He warned me of something, of what I did not know.

But his very last sentence was the only one that I could understand. It was in Malay. I do not remember it word per word, but it was something like :

"Lagi-lagi dengan keadaan sekarang ini."

And then it happened.

This was by far the most incredible thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

The creature turned to see it himself.

The clouds above started to swirl and from it, four huge tornados began to form. Simultaneously. It was swirling mid-air, and took a few seconds before all four hit the ground.

I recall the sound of the wind finally reaching my ears, but it is not something I can describe.

Suddenly, total darkness.

A second passed.

I hear the sound of my heart beating. I feel it in my chest. I hear myself inhaling and exhaling air.

I am back.

For some reason, I did not open my eyes. Instead, I stayed that way, in darkness, until after perhaps a few more seconds, I fell asleep again.

But this time, there was no dream.


Monday, December 13, 2010

talking to myself

this post really is just me talking to myself, so uh,you might wanna skip ths one.

I can't sleep.

(... because I just woke up from my nap 3 hours ago.)

Its funny how someone has a lot to say but can't really find the words to say it.

Yet at the same time some people don't really have something worth saying, yet they say it with more words than necessary.

Is it weird to talk to yourself? Because I do that almost all the time. (not in public though, coz that'd be even weirder)

I discuss things that are on my mind, I help myself get motivated or gather the courage to do something, I sometimes scold myself for not performing or not doing any better.

When you pile it up in one sentence, I guess it does look pretty weird.

But at least, I think anyways, this way I know that I always think back on the things I've done. And things I'm about to do.

Its not that I can't get people to talk to, its just that sometimes there are things that you feel, the things that you fear, the things that you favour, only you yourself can truly understand.

And lets face it, this blog really is another way of me talking to myself. Its not something I promote to people, just for people that are interested to know what I'm thinking.

Since I don't really talk so much, apparently.

I think I think a lot.

(that sentence kinda answers itself)

Its hard to find nice people to talk to. Really.

Some just talk too little, some just talk too much, some just aren't on the same page with you.

Which would explain why I have many close friends, yet not so many friends.

Relatively speaking, of course.

Someone once told me that meeting new people is fun.

My first thought was "Whats so fun about that? What a weird thing to say".

Luckily, I've learned to keep my first thoughts to myself. Although my facial expressions betray me sometimes, and whenever I think something like that, the sarcastic smile always comes out.

But facial expressions are just as hard to read as the mind.

I find that meeting new people is important, but not necessarily fun.

I've heard very recently that "If there's no networking, then its not working."

Which is very true. but its very difficult to change yourself, from this generally quiet person to a generally talkative person.

But i'm working on it, ( like i said on the interview the other day).

You could say that before this, if I'm talking to you, means I like you, and I find you an interesting person to talk to.

Because really, its important someone interesting to talk to, because if the person isn't that interesting to talk to, in my opinion, why bother really.

But now I find out that talking for no purpose other than to talk is required in the real world, therefore I shall work on it.

I need to work on my people skills.

I never realized before work that my reserved-ness was such a bother to other people. I guess no one ever bothered to tell me that I was a quiet person. I guess they thought I knew.

Well, I didn't.

Ah, long story short, life really is a journey to further improve oneself.

Or as some would put it, returning back to the state of perfection you once were, i.e the way you were created.

I realize that after writing for so long, I didn't really have a point to convey. Or perhaps there were a few valid points, lost in between the lines.

Life is full of mysteries. One of it being why I blogged about this, whatever this is.

Oh wait, it was because I can't sleep.

I still can't.

If I was you, I probably wouldn't read the whole blog post and would probably skim through this ridiculously long post.

Generally what I'd do is that I'd read the beginning part, the middle part, conclude that the post isn't really worth the effort to read, and skip to the end, before commenting, sometimes on stuff totally unrelated to the post.

In general I suppose I'm a guy that gets bored very easily. I sometimes get bored of myself even. People bore me sometimes. I sometimes make up scenes in my head to avoid boredom.

But i digress. I'm bored now, which means it'll be easier for me to fall asleep.

All the best in life, be nice to other people, always eat your vegetables.

Peace. Take care.