Monday, May 25, 2009

not time yet.

ok. dah update. bye bye blog. haha.

(ditarik telinga oleh blog utk teruskan)


er, hi. honestly i had not planned at all to update my blog tonight, but after reading a comment from a friend at his blog, i decided to show him how my mind is chock-full of so many ideas and stories that i can conjure up a 1000 word blog just like that (snaps his fingers).

how foolishly arrogant humans can be sometimes.

(thinking of the next line..)

After several tries to see the definition of finger snap on wiki failed miserably (stupid internet), I decided to write about something else.

Lately my mind has been thinking about my coming semester. In few weeks time, I shall be a senior. (still clicking "Try again" button on wiki page) I may be somewhat influenced by my increasingly jiwang and desperate friends (penghargaan ke sapik), but my mind keeps thinking about how almost everyone is rushing to find themselves a life partner.

Apparently, most find it extremely difficult to find a partner after university years. Even the most unexpected of people have a bf/gf. (not-so-vague hint : current kelantanese roommate ). It is quite hard to digest that the people that usually condemn the "coupling" phenomena (i.e: Rakan Masjid), are joining in the supposedly hedonistic trend. (not referring to my roommate, but others perhaps). If I may quote a line from a book i just finished reading last weekend (and have been waiting for its sequel ever since), "Even Holy Men are men".

If there's one thing I do not like, it's hypocrites. I hope I'm not a hypocrite, but in truth, we all are, some perhaps more than others. Yes, we are. The way I act when I'm with my parents is a bit different from the way I act with my friends. Not a different person altogether, but slightly different, mostly out of respect. And I'm pretty sure most people are the same.

Getting back to my original topic, when I think about my university years slowly but surely coming to an end, I start to think if I'm actually going to find someone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate to the point I imagine myself going to the zoo with my girlfriend to look at elephants (penghargaan kedua kepada sapik), its just that the thought of it pops into my head sometimes and it makes me somewhat worried. Moreover most of my close friends are already planning when they're getting married. WTF!

Gosh, how depressing is the blog this time. honestly I don't like to write depressing blogs. I dunno, there is enough pain in this world as it is, why spread around more?

There's this one person in my office. He's a real pain in the "donkey" when it comes to work, but apart from work, he's actually a nice guy i think. A bit dorky, but overall a nice person. Friendly, humorous (although at times over the top), sarcastic are words that one would use to describe him. I would also like to note here that this person is NOT me. haha. He's actually around 30 years old.

He has a job that he seems to enjoy, a respected position in a multinational company, somewhat plain-looking but not the ugliest in the bunch, and an overall nice personality. The thing that bothers me the most about him is that he's not married.

And in more ways than one, I see myself in this person. I have big ambitions. I work hard (compared to other interns).What if I'm to turn to into him in a couple of years? Who's to say I'm not? Perhaps the reason he works so bloody hard is to overcome overwhelm the loneliness? He seems to have no problem talking to women, so why is he not married?! Surely women have married (and divorced) people that are worse than him, yet why is this person, (however he obnoxious might be sometimes due to his no-way-but-my-way attitude), not married?

Is it because he did not find himself a girlfriend during his university years? My parents didn't meet each other at the university. But that was years ago. Who knows, perhaps the trend has changed nowadays. Perhaps it was just not meant to be for him? Obviously I do not want it to happen to me also, but what should I do? zzz. This sucks. Maybe my laid-back attitude will not help in this department. lol. After all, as my friend said, the well will not go looking for the timber. lol. (penghargaan kepada sado on the well-rojaked proverb. almost didn't spot what was wrong the first time)

Honestly, I don't think I'm fully ready for commitment. It's hard for me to imagine I'm only allowed to speak to only ONE girl and not be allowed to go out with other girls, if only for a casual outing. Because that's what marriage is. It is highly unacceptable for a husband to go out with a female friend of his, and it is also the same scenario for the wife. The husband is bound by custom and culture to go out only with his guy-friends and the wife is also allowed to go out with her girl friends only.

I can't imagine how, or why for that matter would I limit myself to these rules and restrictions. Sure, most of the time I hang out with my guy-friends, but sometimes I do get bored and I do ask my girl friends to go out. And sometimes its only me and the girl. Honestly, its just an outing, it is hardly romantic, I just enjoy talking to a girl sometimes.

Okay, okay, fair enough, even if I had a girlfriend, I would still be able to go out with my girl friends, but to what extent? Surely the girlfriend would limit what I can and cannot do, and at some point, she might will get jealous no matter how much I tell her she's the only one bla3, we're only human. I'd probably be jealous too if a guy constantly asks my girl out.

... lost track of the reason i'm writing. how appropriate that my playlist is currently playing The Reason by Hoobastank.

I just want you to know,

I've found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be,

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you...

Sigh, it's amazing how the hardest of questions can be answered with the simplest arrangement of words in a song.

When you're married (or perhaps in most of my peers case, found true love), you don't really care about anyone else, well, not as much as that special someone. you don't mind not talking to your other girl-friends, as long as you can talk to that one person, if only for the briefest of moments. Sacrifices have to be made, but when the right person comes along, you'd do it in a heartbeat.

I understand now why some friends of mine did the things they do. I was ignorant then, I was arrogant, I still am.

Maybe my time is not here yet. Maybe it never will be.

I'm hoping it will be.

Whenever that may be.

Till next time, take care.                                                                                     Peace.