Busy bee or copy cat.

It was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my entire life.

An entire semester's work. To be crammed in less than 24 hours time.

If I don't make it, tell my family I love them very much.... is what I would say if I could actually die from all the last minute work.

But no, it's not possible.

Surprisingly I did think of jumping out of my 4th floor room window so that I wouldn't have to deal with the all the work.

But then I wouldn't be able to graduate. That's no fun.

And oh, also, I would die. LoL.

One thing about people that like to work last minute, we have a very high tolerance level of stress.

But I'd be lying if said the stress didn't get to me.

At one point, my roommate and I were awfully quite, without even the slightest whisper (except for the occasional swear words.)

Suddenly, I would break out into a song that suddenly popped into my head. Out loud. So what if its 4 am?

What first started out as a normal song, quickly turned into nonsense and we'd then both laugh out loud. Even if you were there you probably wouldn't get it, so not expecting you to get it now.

But that's how I particularly deal with stress. I sing. I laugh. I make other people laugh. Most of the time the stuff I spout out is pure nonsense, but when you're not exactly mentally stable from lack of sleep and all, anything other than mechanical design of your equipment seems funny.

Oh, I just remembered one guy did drop by, then left in quite a hurry because we weren't exactly talking to him, and not exactly talking to each other, more likely to the walls and to our laptops, so maybe that freaked him out a bit.

But at the very last hour before submission, things got very serious. Very tense. No funny business. Curse words were thrown out. Names of weird-nosed animals were shouted. Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V were the most typed keys on the keyboard by this time.

At one point, I thought to myself, What would happen if my examiner found out I was plagiarizing? Would I have to repeat this semester due to this one bloody subject? But if I calculated everything myself, I won't finish this thing even if they gave me another day, let alone another hour. That doesn't even take into consideration how long it would take to print out an 80 page report.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

What should I do?!

I froze.

That one minute felt like an eternity. That one minute could have been used to type roughly 70 words, according to my average type speed.

No more thinking.

Ctrl+C. Ctrl+V.

What if I failed?

Ctrl+C. Ctrl+V.

What if I am caught plagirizing?

Ctrl+C. Ctrl+V.

What if my parents are informed of my plagirizing?

Where on Earth will I be able to show my face then?

Sure people have been suspended before, extended a few semesters, sooner or later they still graduate, but the shame, the embarassment. Not just to me, but to my family..

I stopped.

Sure, by this time every single Chem Eng student would either be submitting their report or copying the hell out of the ones that are done, but what if out of all those people, I was the one caught?

Paraphrase.

Its not called plagiarizing if you copy only certain parts, and do certain parts on your own.

Best solution considering the options, I hear my brain say to me.

So be it.

4.15 pm. 45 minutes to submission.

Some things I did on my own, calculated properly. But only some. In my defense, my part is definitely flawed. Not enough information was available for me to do it properly to begin with, but with time I could've conjured up a set of data that would seem logical and real.

If only I could conjure up the time.

To hell with all that.

4.20 p.m. 40 minutes before submission.

Done. Not really, so many things could expose me for the cheat I was, but what the hell. If I continued, I wouldn't have enough time to print out the damn report, and what good would that be.

Time to print.

*ping*

Who in the hell would want to die by PM-ing me right now?

"yo. report anta 27 ke?"

" ?  xfaham? "

"Tadi K cal Dr F. Die kata 27. Group aq anta esk "

"betul ke ni. jangan tipu"

without waiting for a reply, I ran to this fella's room.

Yes, the rumours are to be believed. God has intervened and saved most of the final sem Chemical Engineering students from certain academic death that day. I'm pretty sure most of us will remember this cursed yet blessed day until the day we, like really, die.

How unbelievable. It truly felt like a miracle to me at that time. Really, what are the odds of something like this happening? Actually it did happen before, the FYP progress report submission date was postponed, but it was informed early in the morning, not 40 minutes before submission time. And at that time I was fully prepared. My report was already done. So it didn't really affect me that much.

But this, oh my God. I am so so so very relieved and grateful. If I could actually cry from stuff like this, I would have, but I can't, so I just made sobbing sounds. Which sounded weird. LOL.

Now that this stupid thing's been postponed, time to study for my OM test. Couldn't have studied for the test before, had to finish this stupid thing.

But here's the kicker - OM test, today, 6 pm.

LOL.

till next time. peace.

p.s : true event, happened last week. report was successfully submitted on tuesday, final presentation done just a few hours ago. FYDP settled. one subject down, 4 more subjects to complete before I graduate. and for the OM test? I think I did okay... haha. results aren't out yet though. oh well.

a post to remember.

i have a test tomorrow. i've barely studied, yet im blogging. what a smart thing to do.

i've never been a disciplined person. in kindergarten i would often get into fights with other boys. at home i would get into fights with my brother. boys will be boys i suppose.

this did not mean i was a bully though. mostly i was the one being bullied. i really was a good boy back then.

i remembered that i was really talkative at primary school. one of the noisy ones. i remembered that i talked too much that i didn't know what the homework was most of the time, so i had to call my friend to ask.

those days, studies were never a problem. i don't even recall studying for tests. but i was top of the class most of the time. haha. until standard three anyways. then i skipped one year and went to standard five.

by standard six i was grouped into the smartest class apparently. so competition here was much more fierce. i can't remember what number i got in class, but it was in the top 10 still, so not bad. but i was the best speller in class. haha. unfortunately there was no spelling bee at the time, so i couldn't represent the school.

and yes i was still being bullied by some of the bullies. lol. i remembered playing this stupid game where you had to bang the other person's back if he didn't do the safe sign, and i got banged so hard i think it bruised a bit. but i did do the safe sign, this bully just wanted to hit me. zz. i remember my grandmother applying minyak gamat on my back.

[caption id="attachment_125" align="aligncenter" width="267" caption="Standard 6. it was very bright so i had to squint my eyes."][/caption]

i don't really know what this has to do with how disciplined i am, but lets just carry on.  in secondary school i was a bit less of a good boy. haha. i used to get caned a lot, and would often get caught with long hair. but in my defense my hair is thicker than most people and although it looks long, it isn't. regardless, i would still get caught, up to the point that the discipline teacher recognized me coz i was caught all the time.

didn't perform so well academically in secondary school. i remembered getting number 20+ in class, close to 30 i think. and my mother wasn't too happy about it. haha. and she still isn't. haha. oh well, some things never change. but i was still in the top class though.

i really liked history. cause of the stories i think. really hated geography. i would often say " why would i wanna know what people in this unknown country mined? ". i think this was the point were i picked up on sarcasm. haha. there was one time i had to do a hundred sit-ups cause i did badly in a geography test. that sucked.

come pmr time however, i pulled my act together. before the pmr, i was number 8 in class, tied with one chinese boy. for pmr, i was one of the three people in my school that got 8a's. (most of them took only 7 subjects. lol) apparently coz of this i was quite popular. but i didn't know. lol.

[caption id="attachment_126" align="aligncenter" width="604" caption="Form one. see if you can spot me."][/caption]

when most of my friends fled to more prestigious schools, i decided to flee as well. however, not at all intrigued by the concept of "taking care of myself at boarding school", i went to a school near to my house. a newly opened school. a place where the older schools nearby dumped their bad students. i must say that this was a very bad decision academically, but i was young. how would i know.

here, i was no longer bullied. i was more or less the bad boy now, though i never did any bullying. my studies weren't so great here, probably cause of the lack of competition. plus i was preoccupied with all the girls. lol. been in an all-boys school, relatively speaking, this was the first time i interacted with girls. i remember my father saying to me on the first day of school, "my son is now a teenager". lol.

due to all these factors, my spm results weren't so hot. i couldn't apply for any scholarships. i couldn't go to this swanky looking university i visited in tronoh. my teacher actually said this on result day. "yasin ni saya rasa kalau pergi sekolah lain mesti boleh dapat result lagi bagus, tapi dah duduk sekolah ni, apa nak buat".

till this day i often wonder what would happen if i would have gone to a proper school. i often imagine myself having a flawless academic record (cause spm was the only one that spoiled it all), and i probably would have been able to go study abroad with all expenses paid for by scholarship.

but honestly, i don't think it would have made that much of a difference. nowadays that school produces so many scorers, so it isn't really the school, its me. plus i don't regret the choice. i may not have excelled academically there, but the school did teach me a lot about life. about people. i really believe i grew a lot as a person there.

luckily, after spm, i was selected to enter pasum. though i was very low-profile there, i made some very close friends there, and enjoyed the hell out of life. haha. surprisingly enough, despite all the non-stop hedonistic activities, my results were not bad.

it was also here that i was forced to speak in english. since some of the malays here speak better english than malay, and some even better english than english people. lol. but through it my confidence to SPEAK (speaking and writing are two very different things) in english improved, so a very good thing indeed.

[caption id="attachment_128" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="my class at pasum. i wonder who that girl is. LOL."][/caption]

due to my not-so-bad results and my improved english, thanks to my one year stint at pasum, i was able to get accepted into my current university. and so here i am. still the undisciplined bum, blogging hours before an important test. haha.

all in all, utp has been a very good place for me. i am more patient, more understanding, less rude, less painful to live with, more open to people. i also learned a thing or two about engineering. LOL.

[caption id="attachment_129" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="a 3-years younger me."][/caption]

i'm not really sure what this post is supposed to be about, i think i did one like this before, but i do have one concluding point. life is unpredictable. the best way to live is to live without regrets. if i had gone to a boarding school, i probably would still be the wimp that was being bullied all over.if i had scored great results in my spm, i probably would not have gone to pasum, and would not have met all the people that i did there, and that in itself would have been a great loss to me. i probably would not have ended up in UTP, which apparently is the envy of a lot of universities out there, even the ones overseas.

(a friend studying in australia preferred my uni's curriculum better. plus i saw a university of melbourne graduate at our career fair, so that says a lot about our uni's exposure to the industry.)

okay that is all. back to studying. or maybe sleeping. lol.

take care. peace.

p.s : don't bother commenting. its bugged. wrote an email to friendster asking how to remove the verification thing, they say its standard so not an option to remove it. may move this blog to somewhere else if i have the time.

Unforeseen consequences.

when you don't feel like it, not much you can do to force it. i don't feel like writing right now, so this will be a super short post by my standards.

a series of unfortunate events has befallen me this week. though some i'd rather not mention (major stomach ache), some are worth mentioning.

my house was broken into last night at about 4 am. about the same time i was happily chatting with a friend in manglish. which I must say here is very fun indeed. no, not the house being broken into part obviously.

i was not there. i was in UTP. my mother and brother were asleep. my father was not. so they came in, held my mother at knifepoint (if there's an actual word like this), tied her up, did the same with my brother, then threatened my father with my mother and brother. obviously my father couldn't do much, even if no one was threatened, because there were 3 fellas altogether, and my father isn't his young self anymore.

they tied everyone up, ransacked my parents' bedroom, then left. took everyone's cash, phones, camera, watches, jewellery, etc2.

apart from the bruises my mother had from being tied up too tight, no one was hurt. thank God. so much worse could have happened.

i found out at noon and rushed straight home.

In conclusion, I would like to summarize the things that I have learnt / realized this week (not in order).

1. Never wait too long to get something you like.

2. Never leave your stomach too hungry, it may surprise you.

3. Never piss off your supervisor, she may give you extra work for it.

4. Life does not always go the way you planned it.

5. It does not hurt to be careful.

6. You are too mat salleh celup if you think talking in manglish or worse in Malay with a friend is fun and entertaining.

7. Your mother remembers more than you think she does.

8. You used to be a very good boy.

9. You can achieve almost anything if you set your mind to it.

10. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially ones that call you in the middle of the night to supposedly console you.

11. Friends do care about you, even though it may not look like it at times.

12. Always remember to be humble no matter how proud you are.

13. Relationships are easy to build, but if broken are hard to mend.

14. 1 + 1 = 1. That is love.

15. People don't always react the way you expect them to.

16. People miss you more than you miss them sometimes, so be nice.

That is all from me for now. Will post a proper one as soon as possible.

Peace.

final-years

I'm tired. of all this.

I want to graduate. Like ASAFP.

I know I'll be going like "oh how I miss my uni days" in a few months but I just can't help it. Once you reach the stage where I am, i.e: final year final sem, a sort of lethargy kind of sets in all of a sudden. And can you blame me? If I perform exceptionally well, i.e 4.0 or exceptionally bad, i.e 1.0, at most my cgpa will change by plus minus 0.02.

I have only 5 classes per week. 4 off days. Sometimes 5, because there's only one class on Tuesday and it's really early in the morning (9 am. lol), so I sometimes accidentally, (and sometimes intentionally) "miss" the class. I don't go to tutorials. I mean, I've only gone to a handful of tutorials over the past years and I think I did okay, so why bother really.

Sounds like the best sem ever, but I've still got my FYP and FYDP (final year design project : required for Chem Eng students). Takes up most of my free time. And my holidays even. Which really sucks. I feel like sleeping most of my free time, but by not doing work I'm supposed to do, I'll feel guilty. And the fact other people seem to be as hardworking as ants (not sure if its the right analogy) doesn't really help my conscience.

However, being a senior does have its perks. For one, the juniors supposedly look up and respect you. Theoretically speaking, of course. I've had my housemates, juniors, greeting me and stuff. Though most just don't bother. Which doesn't really bother me, as long as they don't show any disrespect. See, when you're a senior, you (or more specifically, me) develop a sense of pride, of arrogance at how old you are and how you're almost at the finish line.

Not exactly following the way of the paddy (semakin berisi semakin tunduk), but I take it as a good thing. Because for someone with a confidence problem talking to people sometimes, I find myself extremely confident. I find myself no longer hesitating when trying to ask someone for help, no longer thinking twice about voicing my opinions, more vocal on my thoughts and feelings on something, rather than keeping it all to myself. And more friendly and talkative, apparently. haha.

And it shows in other people as well. Guys that weren't confident before (I suppose) to talk to the girl that he was staring at from afar are now going out with that same girl. haha. But I think you shouldn't be that desperate. Nothing wrong with waiting. But nothing wrong with going for it anyways, nothing to lose. I don't really have a point here.

Back to my point on lethargy, it does not affect the things that are non-academic. On the contrary, in your final semester, you suddenly think of all the things you haven't done before and want to do before you graduate, i.e go to the 'new' lakeside for a jog, take swimming lessons, go for roadtrips with friends. As a wise friend once quoted a wise man , "Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment". :)

Also, you feel more connected with your friends, probably because it's almost time to part. You tend to join any activity, any ridiculous activity, just because your friends are going. Its not what you do, its who you do it with. Which reminds me, I'm supposed to have a reunion this month, but so far, nothing. The other guys were supposed to plan it this time around because when I planned it only two out of ten showed up, the others giving all sorts of excuses, some not even bothered to give one. Sigh, sometimes I feel like I'm too sentimental, as if I'm the only one that wants to meet, catch up, etc. Oh well.

Again, referring back to my point of trying new things out, I decided to actually do some exercise this semester. LOL. Honestly, before this I thought, people that go out for jogs are just fat people that are trying to get skinny. I'm skinny as hell, why should I go jogging. If anything I should sleep more to get more buff. haha. But only after the short "jog" around the new UTP lake did I realise how unfit I was. Sure, I was skinny, but that has absolutely nothing to do with my fitness, or my health for that matter. I may not be experiencing obesity problems anytime soon, but I may have problems with my heart for lack of exercise during my youth (macam dah tua sangat. haha).

I felt really pathetic after not being able to jog even the shortest of distance, so I decided to exercise at least once a week from now. This week I went for a swim at the pool. I still was really exhausted after about an hour or so, but was definitely a major improvement from the previous week. The body wants to be fit, only the mind stands in the way. haha.

Also within the realm of trying new stuff out, I decided to read a novel which is most definitely in my regular genre of books, which is fantasy. Okay, a bit within my genre, but only the slightest bit.

Twilight. LOL.

(can't believe I just told the whole world wide web I read this book. -_-")

Can't remember the last time I read something so... full of love. LOL. The stories I usually go for are the Dungeons-and-Dragons, Lord-Of-The-Rings, World-of-Warcraft type of stories. Sometimes these stories do have some hints of romance in them, but not to the level of Twilight. Even if all the books I have ever read were combined into one giant book, it couldn't beat Twilight in terms of romance.

Definitely not my cup of tea, but I try to keep an open mind, and see what is it about the book that girls like so much, that they decided to make a movie (no, make that two movies, another from the sequel) out of it. I haven't actually finished the book, still have a few chapters to go, (I'm now at the part where Bella left her father to run away form the bad vamps) but so far here's what I think.

One, I get why this Edward likes this girl so much. I do. She's interesting to her. Intriguing. He's used to figuring people out, reading people's minds, suddenly he bumps into a girl that's totally different, that he can never figure out. Very interesting indeed. But, what I don't get is why she, (apart from the fact that this guy is very good looking), likes him so much. Macam shallow giler. Sure, later she finds he is quite the charmer, but she didn't know in the beginning.

Okay I feel less masculine after reading the book, even more so after announcing it here, so need to something manly to boost my self-esteem back up. Maybe go for a jog in the morning, buff myself up, yeah sounds manly.... Or MAYBE a short nap before class starts in the afternoon. yeah nap sounds much2 better. and more macho.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man." (Cullen,2005)

Quoting a romance novel, definitely not helping. Argh. Nites.

Take care.

Peace.

things i'll never say

here's something interesting i heard recently.

a friend of mine, lets call him A, for some reason the other day confided in me a problem he has. guess it troubled him a bit keeping it all bottled up. me, being the super-reliable friend that i am, decided to listen though most of the time i don't really like meddling in other people's business.

see, this A was in a relationship of sorts a long time ago, 5 years back i think. since then as far as i can tell he hasn't been in another one. maybe he thought he didn't like getting tied or not really into the whole relationship thing, i dunno. anyways, he told me that his ex contacted him the other day. let's go alphabetical and call the ex-gf B. haha

apparently they still keep in touch even after the breakup coz they're friends with the same people, and probably coz A felt kinda bad for the way he ended the thing. so they chatted a bit, did some catching up, just casual stuff that friends would normally do.

then, B suddenly says that she misses him, which caught A totally off guard. he says to her "don't you have a boyfriend?". B goes on to say that she never got over him, even after all these years, and that the guy that she was supposedly dating, she wasn't really into, so she broke up with that guy recently.

(i was kinda smirking at this point coz i thought my friend was making up stories to make him look like this hot stud, but from his face it didn't look that way, so i bit my tongue and put on my "serious listener" face)

obviously my friend wasn't too happy bout this. he says that he's been keeping his distance from her to avoid this sort of thing, and actually made up stories of a fictional gf just so the ex would not bug him anymore. (i guessing that this wasn't the first time she did this, but i didn't really ask)

so he kinda said something like "i'm sure there are so many guys out there who would want to be your bf, so pls move on and forget me". and the girl says that there are guys that are interested, but she only has eyes for him. at this point in the story i couldn't like, contain myself so i asked "what did you say then?".  he said that there's not much he CAN say at the moment and kinda repeated what he said before. haha. us guys aren't very articulate, are we.

oh, i forgot to mention that we were in a lecture hall at the time, so gossiping about ex-girlfriends isn't exactly what you're supposed to do in a lecture hall, no matter how boring the lecture / lecturer was, so when A appeared to stop talking i tried to focus on the man talking to himself at the front of the hall.

"......... and that would've been the end of the story if it weren't for Facebook!", A continued.

"hehe, apa jadi plak lepas tu?", says I. the balding man at the front will have to continue talking to himself. haha.

A goes on to say that not a week after their conversation, B changes her status to "In a relationship with ***", the star being some other guy.

wow. no wonder he seemed upset. that was quick.

he says that he's not upset or anything, he's just mad that she's doing this sort of thing, AGAIN. (much emphasis on the again part). he says that she has been doing this, i.e saying something and then doing something completely opposite to what she just said, always, even when they were together. he couldn't care less who she ends up with at this point, but why say to him she still loves him, then suddenly be with someone else 5 minutes later? (obviously an exaggeration to make his point. do i really need to explain this? haha) is it just to screw with his brain? or did she mean what she said? if she did, then is she just playing around with this new guy?

i have to admit, i understand A's frustration. no this is not just the "supportive friend" talking, this is me as a human talking. sometimes girls, or more generally people do things that really, REALLY get on your nerves, but what really annoys you isn't the act itself, but rather WHY it is done. you can't seem to understand WHY someone would do such a thing.

but, for the life of me, i couldn't say anything at the time. i don't know WHAT to say to him. i mean, i wanted to say something, maybe advice, or maybe a cheer-up, but i couldn't come up with anything. sigh, us guys really are bad with words.

and so, we sat there, silent, finally paying attention to the guy talking at the front of the hall, who appears to be laughing at his own jokes at the time. though i couldn't really offer any words of advice or anything at all that might have helped, i think just listening helps sometimes. i think. i mean, my friend seemed to be actually laughing to the jokes the lecturer was making, so he must be okay. hahah.

maybe the girl was telling the truth. maybe she was still in love with A, but she finally realizes that she should move on so she hooks up with the guy that she thinks will help her do that. or maybe the girl was just plain evil and wanted to mess with A's head. or maybe there's an entirely different reason that A has conveniently left out of the story. or maybe something totally unrelated. who knows, really.

Although I'm pretty sure A & B won't be reading this, you can never really tell. If anyone related to this story reads this, your identity has been kept a secret, so no one will know it was you. If by any chance A is reading this, my advice to you is this : whether she forgets you or not, its you that should forget her. stop letting her mess with your head. and try to pay more attention in class. haha.

If by any chance B is reading this, I can't really tell why you did what you did, but I sincerely wish you all the best in your new relationship. coz if you are in love with A, then your relationship is going to need all the help it can get. but if you are in love with the new guy, then may he be able to withstand your "charms".

oh, i wanna know what you guys think as well, so please do comment. be it here, or facebook (this is for ayol in case she can't seem to get the comment thing to work again. haha).

till next time, peace.

love song for no one

As I jumped around from blog to blog, I realize that most of the blogs are talking about love, or lack thereof. See, as a guy that pays too much attention to his computer than to girls, I don't really have much to say about this. However, I believe that whoever you are, be it a plain Jane or a smokin' supermodel, there is someone out there for you and you should settle for no less than that someone, although it may take you a few someones to figure out what you really want, or more importantly, what you really need.

I recently watched a not-so-lovey-dovey movie called "500 Days of Summer". Quite late, I know. At first I was under the impression it was a lovey-dovey movie, so I wasn't all that into these types of movies, but since I've heard quite a few people talk about it, I decided I'll give it a shot.

And I really liked it! This is reality! Not the same fairy tale we've been fed for so long.

If you haven't seen it, go see it because I'll be talking about it for a bit.

People were pitying the guy, and who could blame them, but I say, it was the guy's fault. The girl said from the beginning that she wanted to be only friends, and the only thing she did wrong was that she did what she said she wanted. I pity the guy too, but honestly the girl didn't exactly do anything wrong.

And the guy was pissed off at the girl for not wanting to go to the next level with him, but suddenly married some guy she knew for only a short while. However, I really liked her explanation. It was short and simple. "I just woke up one day and I knew, what I never was sure of with you".

The thing I liked most about the movie, apart from how real it felt (not some fluffed up love story), is the subtle yet strong messages throughout the movie. One would be when the little sister said that she thinks that the girl wasn't the 'one' for his brother and he should recall not only the good parts, but also the bad parts of the relationship. I think people sometimes focus too much on the good things or in some cases the bad things, and we forget the other things. But that's life I suppose. Focus more on the guy's money, you'll forget how ugly he looks. Stuff like that.

Another one would be the part when he met the new girl, Autumn. See, there was this beautiful girl, that had the same interests as he did, that liked the same spot in the city as he liked, and noticed him there, but he didn't notice her. And her answer to that was "You must not have been looking". He was so blinded by this one girl who didn't really appreciate what he liked, he didn't see this other girl who could have been so right for him.

Ok enough lovey dovey talk. haha. In conclusion it is a very nice movie and if you haven't seen it yet, then you should.

I shall stop here. Didn't really have anything to write. Just got bored. Happy Chinese New Year everyone.

p/s: Love song for no one is a song by John Mayer. not a bad song for single people. haha.

plastisin

after failing to fall asleep, at 2 30 am, even though i had only around 2 hours of sleep the night before, and a 1 hour nap, i decided to update my blog. even though it has not been a month yet. hopefully the writing will make me sleepy enough.

when you were a kid, did you go for kindergarten? there, surely you played around with plastercine (plastisin)? the modelling clay? play doh? know what i mean? sure you do. i mean, its like common knowledge what that thing is. its the sticky clay like thing that you play around with and make dinosaurs, pizzas, donuts or whatever your imagination wants it to be.

apart from a simple toy, its also useful for covering up simple leaks and cracks in pipes, tanks etc. long story short, i have a leaking pipe, and i wanted to buy plastercine. so while waiting for my dinner to be ready, i went to the 'grocery shop', or whatever it is you call kedai koop in english. (cooperation shop? lol).

"erm bang, ada jual plastisin tak?"

"er plastisin tu apa eh?"

"erm plastisin tu macam... (sambil menggayakan bentuk kotak plastisin yang sangat tak membantu).. camne nak describe eh plastisin... haha"

"haha erm tak tau lah takde kot"

weird. how does one not know what plastisin is? oh, i might need to mention, i just woke up from my nap, therefore my brain is not functioning at its usual efficiency, so apart from it having a rectangle box, i cant think of any other way to describe plastisin. haha.

nevermind i thought, this shop is a bit small anyways, maybe they have it at the bigger shop at the other village (hostel in UTP). and so i went to the other shop.

Me : "ada jual plastisin tak"

Cashier boy 1 : "plastisin? apa tu eh?"

Me : "....(still thinking how to describe plastisin apart from rectangular box)"

Cashier boy 2 : "oh tau, yang tampal2 tu kan?"

Me : "HAA!"

Cashier boy 2 : "tak ada lah..."

Me : "...."

unsatisfied, i searched the shop myself, in case this fella mistook plastercine for a bandage or sticky tape or post-it-note or sumthing.

nope, no plastisin.

grabbing a Cornetto Royale Strawberry Kisses, i exited the shop (after paying of course) and while walking to fetch my dinner, pondered what kind of kindergartens this people went to, or if they even went to kindergarten. surely they played with plastisin before. can't be that their kindergarten, in an effort to cut down costs, gave them tanah liat sungai to play with instead, can it? nah, improbable.

sticky! yes, thats one way to describe plastisin.. bit late, but better late than never they say.

upon returning to my beloved room, i asked my roomate whether he knew what plastisin was. sort of a weird question to ask out of the blue, but i am a bit weird, so thats normal. and yes, he knew what they were.

fuh! was beginning to think i was a spoiled brat playing with plastisin when other people were playing with tanah liat sungai.

then, after a short chat with the roommate, (coz the brain still wasn't warmed up by then), it dawned on me, i may be from a different generation than these shopkeepers. the older shopkeeper, being older than me, may very well did play with tanah liat sungai during his kindergarten days, who knows when the plastisin was invented. but he couldn't be THAT older than me, he looks 20 - 30ish, i can't really tell, i come from a family of awet muda people. (eternally youthful? sigh, very limited vocab).

no joke, i once thought my maths teacher in Form 4 was as old as my grandmother, when thats not logical at all coz my grandmother was 76 at the time. turns out she wasn't even 40 yet, which makes her even younger than my mother, let alone my grandmother. yikes. (note to self : never guess people's age)

and for the younger shopkeeper, my guess is that kindergartens during his time was no longer going for 'fun and creativity' in their activities, maybe more towards 'logical thinking and intelligence', so he probably didn't get the chance to play with the plastisin.

who knows what these kids played with in their kindergarten? for all i know, he probably played with the rubiks cube before nap time and after nap time, solved some sudoku puzzles before playing a game of chess.

sigh, how things have changed. i feel slightly old.

slightly.

i feel that i am blessed in this department. i was one of the lucky few that got to skip standard 4 in primary school, meaning im one year younger than most of my peers. i am born in december, so you can add in another year there (i don't care what year it is, as long as its not my birthday yet, im still not 22! haha). top that off with the eternally youthful complexion i inherited from my parents and voila! 3 years younger me. haha.

okay2, the awet muda thing may not show that much NOW, but come see me in 40 years, and i'll show you!

but really, young, old, not of that matters when you're eating delicious ice cream.

yum yum.

haha. i think its something i just dont grow out of. ice cream. i still like ice cream now. still like it as much as i did 10 years ago. my parents aren't exactly helping either. kat Mekah dulu makan ice cream tiap2 hari sampai batuk2. haha. guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

wonder if kindergartens nowadays serve ice cream. or maybe they substituted it with supplement pills and Brands Chicken Essence. who knows.. (btw, brands commercial with dafi, arguably one of the stupidest commercials ive seen, which is ironic since its trying to promote that you'll be more intelligent by drinking the thing. "How come you're so smart?" "OH, BRANDS!" are-tard. sorry. so much for being less mean.)

although Westerners prefer to take appetizers first, main course second, desserts last (assuming its a 3-course meal, if there's even such a thing), i prefer to take the desserts first. we should really try to invent our own ways of doing things, instead of just following Westerners blindly for no particular reason.

plus, if i keep the ice cream in the fridge while i eat dinner, it might 'evaporate into thin air', but still, don't follow people blindly. We're better than that. and stealing other people's food. We're better than that as well. Blasted beruang. Maybe I'll write about him someday. or maybe i already have. can't recall tho.

take care. peace!

birthday wishes.

although i said in the previous post not to, coz u shud be doing it on ur bday instead on new year's, i decided to do so anyways. consider this my list of things i want to do / achieve before my birthday next year, i mean this year..

1 .less clumsy

2. less forgetful

3. less mean to people (sarcastically or not)

4. friendlier to people i don't / barely know

5. be more confident when dealing with people

6. figure out what i'm going to do with my life

7. possibly start taking violin lessons again.

i'm extremely clumsy and forgetful. and it really gets on my nerves sometimes. nobody's fault really, just mine. i sometimes forget the most simple of things, but sometimes remember the smallest of details. just the way my brain works i suppose. it CAN remember these things, but sometimes the mind just blocks out some stuff that it thinks isn't important. which would explain my high-ignorance level. (not stupidity, well, maybe some stupidity, but more to my ability to ignore stuff.) and also my absent-minded-ness. if i wanted to get a pair of scissors for example, i look into the pencilbox and find my calculator, i'll then remember to calculate my homework and forget all about the scissors. i'm easily distracted, easily bored, which does not make me a very good listener, unless its something that interests me, or something juicy... lol.

so, my birthday resolution number one and two is to be less clumsy, (i.e break / destroy less stuff unintentionally.) and be less forgetful.

next thing on the list is be less mean to people. haha. i've been working on this for quite a while now. i can be very mean to people sometimes. most of the time unintentionally. very rarely intentionally, but it does happen. sometimes i am very sarcastic. sometimes sarcastically mean. most of the time i don't realize that i'm being mean, but i'm trying to change that. it's not that i'm mean to EVERYONE... it's just that i realize now that i haven't been very nice to some people in the past and could have been nicer. therefore i would like to be nicer. maybe a good spanking will lead me in the right direction... (or the wrong one... LOL).

see, i have this problem of talking to new people. i don't want to. i don't like talking to strangers. there's a reason why it's called "strangers". they're strange. STRANGER than strange. but it's not necessarily a good thing. sure when you're a kid its good not to talk to strangers, but as you grow up, its expected of you to do so, to socialize with people, and if you don't, people are going to think you're the strange one. and so i changed. when the need for it arises, i talk with people i don't know. friendly as hell. but if there's no need for it, i mind my own business. i couldn't care less if you're a ridiculously hot 21 year-old supermodel that's been eyeing me for the past half hour or someone that looks awfully familiar, i will not talk to you unless you talk to me first.

plus i tend to treat people like they're NPCs.

According to Wikipedia

A non-player character, often shortened to NPC, is a character that is controlled by the gamemaster in role-playing games. When this definition extends to video games, an NPC in a video game is usually part of the program, and not controlled by a human.

In games such as WoW, people only interact with NPCs when they need something. Lets say your character needs some food, you go to the NPC that sells food, you buy the food, you leave. People don't normally interact with NPCs, socialize with the NPCs, unless they're ridiculously bored and have nothing to do, then they might. (although wouldn't count on a response, except for those specially programmed NPCs). it would not be so polite if lets say you bought food from someone, almost everyday but never have the time to chat or at least know their name. i tend to do that sometimes. its bad, i know, but its not because im rude or anything, its just that i wouldn't know what to say, or what to talk about. i'm not exactly creative..

Imagine.

Penjual roti canai : Eh bos, u pun potong rambut dekat sini ka?

Me : Aah...

Penjual roti canai : Sudah abis cuti ka sekarang? Lama jugak tara nampak u.

Me : Aah...

Penjual roti canai : .....

(awkward silence)

Me : (trying to break awkward silence) err... hari ni banyak canai roti ke?

Penjual roti canai : .....

lol.

next item on the list would be.... more confident when dealing with people. yeah, very similar to the item before, due to my lack of interest in interacting with people, i also do not like dealing with people i don't know. it just feels very weird to ask someone you barely know to do something for you, or to ask something from them. maybe getting to know the person would help in this department. hmm.

The next one is a tough one. figuring out what to do with my life. Further studies? Work? Something else? So many choices. Throwing a dice would be an easy way to choose. But living with the choice afterwards? Not so easy. haha. Time will tell.

last but not least, violin. i learnt the basics here in UTP. FOC. but the very basics. can barely play on my own. due to the lack of violinists however, was absorbed into UTP Orchestra. performed twice, once during the Symphony Fest, the other during Convocation ceremony. Sadly, not long after, violin section was removed from the orchestra due to... musical differences with the new conductor. I like playing the violin. I may have loathed going to the training sessions, but once I got kicked out, that's when I realized how much I miss practicing the violin with my friends, no matter how awful I sounded at the time. haha.

Although I have my own violin, and generally speaking I can play it on my own, its not as fun / easy as it would be if I were in a group of people. playing on your own, being as knowledgeable about violins as those Islamophobes are about Islam, I can't really improve, nor do I enjoy the 'music' that comes out from my violin. at least when you're in a group your mistakes are not so obvious. haha. would really2 like to start learning it back.

that is all for now.

peace!

Blackjack!

after posting a 368-word comment on someone else's blog which had almost no relevance whatsoever to what she was talking about, i decided to babble some more at my own blog, to avoid annoying other people. or perhaps annoy more people. :P

(luckily the word count for my comment did not exceed the word count for her blog, so the comment shouldn't be too annoying. lol.)

it's amazing really, when something strikes you, in that instant you can write so much based on that single thought. you can describe clearly, express your ideas so vividly in words that if people actually read what you wrote, they would see what you saw in your thoughts.

it is also amazing that when that moment passes, even though your head is bursting with ideas, you can't seem to find the words that would adequately describe them, therefore unable to put out your thoughts, however fascinating or incredible it may have been.

i sometimes find myself desperately wanting to write about something, which i think, in the hands of a more experienced and talented writer, would be a most interesting topic to talk about, but unable to do so due to lack of ... whats the word i'm looking for... yes this would be one of those moments.

I am now 21 years old. 21 years old and a week to be more precise. while i was younger, i found out that my birthday is the day alfred bernard nobel, the man who invented the dynamite, died. his invention was not the thing that caught everyone's attention, it was actually the way he affected the world in death that did so.

Alfred Nobel wrote the following in his will :

The whole of my remaining realizable estate shall be dealt with in the following way: the capital, invested in safe securities by my executors, shall constitute a fund, the interest on which shall be annually distributed in the form of prizes to those who, during the preceding year, shall have conferred the greatest benefit on mankind. The said interest shall be divided into five equal parts, which shall be apportioned as follows: one part to the person who shall have made the most important discovery or invention within the field of physics; one part to the person who shall have made the most important chemical discovery or improvement; one part to the person who shall have made the most important discovery within the domain of physiology or medicine; one part to the person who shall have produced in the field of literature the most outstanding work in an ideal direction; and one part to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.

The 'prizes' are now more commonly known as the Nobel Prize. And it is on the day of his death every year, coincidentally my birthday that these prizes are given out.

Although I do not foresee myself winning one of the 5 Nobel prize categories anytime in the next millennium, it still is kind of cool to mention though. :P

This year is the second time I was unable to celebrate my birthday with my family. Seeing as how its in December, it would usually be during the holidays. But last year, I had my internship, plus my parents were away for their Haji.

I was 20 last year. I was working on my birthday. My parents were thousands of miles away. I actually felt like I was an adult. LoL. and this year, due to some complications that i myself caused, i was unable to go back home on my birthday, so i was stuck in UTP. lol.

despite not being able to go home, i still had a good time, thanks to the friends that i have. =)

it sucks when you want to write about something but can't seem to find anything worth writing. haihs.

instead of having resolutions on new year's day, people should have resolutions on their birthday. why? simple. having new year's resolutions would be disadvantageous to some people, especially people that were born in December, because of the lack of time. if you were born in December or any month for that matter, why should you make resolutions on January? YOUR year starts on the day you are born, not what some idiot thought up of 2 thousand years back. make any sense? no? think some more. it will. (or it may not, the mind is a difficult thing to comprehend, especially mine. hahah)

Another thing I don't like is how people tend to generalize age according to year. It is very unfair to people that are born in December. I was born in 1988. So in 2008 I would be 20 years old. but it is very unfair for people to say that I am 20 years old in January. I just had my 19th birthday 21 days ago! How can I already be referred to as 20 years old! My friend was born on the 31st of December. The next day he's already one year older?! How unfair is that!?

I also do not like how people discriminate by age. Just because someone is older / younger, doesn't mean they are more / less wiser, more / less attractive etc. I am one year younger than most of my friends. i skipped my standard 4 coz i didn't feel like it. lol. this makes me the youngest in my batch. while most people are okay with it, some do discriminate. especially girls. the thing about girls for some reason is they prefer to have an older guy rather than a younger guy. it doesn't matter how good-looking the guy is (ehem2.. haha) and how the older guy is almost as old as his dad (or grandpa for that matter), they would most likely prefer the older guy. something to do with them feeling safe, needing someone more matured, that can guide them, etc2. which i think is superbly stupid. but what do i know right, i'm one year younger than them. my mind is not yet fully developed to process any rational thought whatsoever. zz.

i do not like to discriminate. really i don't. i try not to most of the time. when someone makes a very stereotypical statement, i often would argue with them even though it didn't really offend me in any way. but in this world that we live in, we can't really avoid it. race. religion. skin colour. physical appearance. sexual orientation. nationality. favorite past time. date of birth. family background. anything under the sun can be discriminated against nowadays.

okay i've past the 1000 word barrier and i think i'm veering off course. plus my eyes are suddenly feeling heavy.

is it true that you get more boring the older you get? i'm starting to believe it after reading back my latest entries. zzz. i probably won't read my blog if i were you guys. in fact, what on earth are you still doing here? lol.

i'd like to believe that i'm further improving myself with each year. perhaps being less lazy, more confident, friendlier, less annoying, less sarcastic, more sarcastic (can't decide which is better), more intelligenter (tq to jack black for this line). perhaps actually having a plan on what to do with life.

my mother is currently hassling me to make up my mind whether to pursue a master's degree or start my career. i am not so sure yet. it is not something that i can just snap my fingers and decide on. i am really stuck in the middle. at the moment i have no actual preference. unless i can be successful by sleeping, eating and playing computer games, then nope, no actual preference yet.

yawn, getting even more sleepier with each word i type.

they say that a picture is worth a thousand words. really? what awful picture would this entry be equal to? lol. ok2, enough2. barely making any sense now.

that is all from the 21 year old boy. peace be upon you.

take care. :)

biggest loser

no, the title is not referring to me. -_-"

and yes, i do feel that answering questions that people have not yet asked is cool, even though they weren't even planning on asking.

selamat hari raya korban everyone.

it's the holidays and i felt like updating.

good luck to everyone taking the SPM, especially my brother. atamanna laka kullataufiq.

i took arab last semester btw.

finishing the last semester means i only have one more semester to go before i graduate. which means i must be working sometime soon. which i do not know if i am ready to do.

i could postpone the working by studying. further studying. its not that bad of an idea, nowadays its so competitive, you'd want to get any advantage you can over other people. but then again actually working instead of just sitting around doing nothing would be a nice change for me.

i'm still figuring things out. honestly i wouldn't really know what i'd do my masters in, but lets not waste this blog entry thinking about those boring stuff.

what i wanted to talk about was the biggest loser. the reality tv show where you come in admitting you're fat and torture yourself to make yourself skinny.

there are some things in life skinny people can never understand i imagine, and the hardships of being fat may just be one of those life's mysteries thingy.

i was watching the show just now with my mother and these people were saying "oh i got this way because i never exercise" and "i wanna lose weight for myself / my daughter / my family etc2".

life isn't fair. no it isn't. these people were complaining they were fat and were crying on television in front of millions of people basically because, well, they were fat and they couldn't get thin. what i was thinking at the time was that they are millions of people all over the world that would not only cry, but probably cry out blood if it meant that they could be as fat as these guys.

life is never fair to some people coz we are constantly wanting what we don't have. skinny or starving people wanna be fat, really fat people really wanna be thin. and it really isn't anyone's fault whether they're thin or fat. most of the time.

i am a very bad example when it comes to body weight. i never exercise (even my character in Sims 3 doesn't like exercising). i like eating chocolate and ice cream. i sleep to the point it hurts my head sometimes. yet i am still underweight.

some people exercise all the time, go on diets, but still get fat. like i said, it's rarely that person's fault. but sometimes it is.

some people blame their low metabolism for the reason they're being fat. but exercising boosts your metabolism. so if you have low metabolism but you exercise, you'd still have normal or high metabolism. so, if you're fat and you think its coz of your low metabolism, exercise.

some people say they go on diets, but still they don't lose weight. i think the key here is mindset. i shall take the example of a friend of mine. he says he's on a diet, and he skips his lunch. BUT, anytime there's free food around, bye-bye diet. or maybe he skips lunch, but dinner time, eats double than what normal people would eat. tell me HOW is that in any way dieting?

more people should have my mindset when it comes to food if they want to become all underweight like me. if i'm hungry, and the food is just regular food, i'll just eat until i'm not hungry or skip the meal altogether. people might say its unhealthy to skip meals, and yes, it is unhealthy, but so is eating double than what you're supposed to. plus, there's a humongous difference between eat until you're not hungry and stuff yourself until you can barely breathe.

if you do skip meals, when you do eat, don't cover back what you skipped, coz that would defeat the purpose. just eat what you would normally eat. coz i think there's only one stage of hunger, at least for people in countries that aren't suffering from starvation, so don't go compensating for your imaginary extra stages of hunger.

why on earth am i writing tips for losing weight? i have no idea. this must be the most boring post ever. but seriously, it's just pathetic to see this people actually crying because they're fat. in the malay language we call being fat 'sehat' which is also the word for healthy. haha. if you're fat, you're healthy, which is not the case most of the time, but still, you're probably a lot healthier than the people that are starving themselves to death.

imagine that there are people starving, not having ANYTHING to eat AT ALL for the next month, that can't even cry even if they wanted to cry coz of lack of energy, and here we are crying our eyes out coz oh i had too much to eat. boohoo. that's just not right people.

i know i'm being really mean to people that are having weight problems, i've been skinny all my life, what do i know about how fat people feel. but i do know. the thing about us humans is that we really like to make things personal, rarely do we see things from other people's perspective. everyone has their own problems, yes everyone does have their own problems, only difference between fat people and everyone else is that their problem is physical, i.e everyone can see it.

what if someone is stupid. stupid as in not intelligent. what if someone is emotionally scarred. what if someone is having fears that he can't overcome. what if someone is heartbroken. what if someone is too thin to do something. what if someone is not good-looking. what if someone IS good-looking and is being judged more by his/ her looks than what he/she thinks. what if someone is having low self-esteem. what if someone is lonely and depressed. what if someone is addicted to drugs and hates himself for it but can't bring himself to stop using.

there are so many problems in this world. being fat is just one of them. suck it up. if you're not as smart as other people, study harder. if you're not as slim as other people, exercise harder, or wait, here's a thought, accept yourself as who you are and think about the people that are worse off than you. if you're skinny as hell and do not have any close friends around to hang out with during the weekends and spend your time updating your blog, screw what people think and have fun on your own. haha.

"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."

Bob Kelso from Scrubs.

ok enough crap for now. bubye. take care.

Be afraid. be very afraid.

yes i am finally free.

which means i have some time to waste updating my blog.

yes i am aware that i did not blog in october.

because i was too busy with my studies.

huhu.

moving on. seeing as how its the critical week for most students, most of the blogs i frequently visit aren't being updated. or they're just using that as an excuse for not updating. (like me, sometimes :P). since no one is updating, i might as well update mine.

few weeks back, i went home despite threats of doom from my plant design project mates, specifically the girl in the group, lets call her lady gagah. ahaha. see everyone is under immense pressure of meeting the deadline, and blissfully happy me has the time to go home, so some people weren't too happy about it. haha. but i went home anyways. its not like i didn't do my work or anything. just had to go home for some errands i needed to take care of.

anyways, not what i wanted to talk about. fast forward, it was almost sunrise, i was going to sleep after working hard on my part of plant design report, (in case my group mates decided to read), when i saw something on my bedroom floor....

that suddenly moved.

.

oh my god what the bloody f**k!

.

.

katak rupanya. syaitan betul.

i have never been a big fan of frogs. just don't like em.

or any reptiles for that matter. jap, are frogs reptiles?

amphibians kot. tak kisah la.

after screaming like a little girl, i tried to lead the frog out of the house. its too gooey for me to be touching it, so i was like guiding it on where to go rather than picking it up like a man should. hahaha.

and continued yelping like a sissy everytime it decided to jump in an opposite direction.

gosh if there were girls in the house at the time, i'd probably never end up getting married. hahaha.

after much directing, much jumping done by both the frog and myself, (perhaps i was jumping a bit more than the frog), i finally led the amphibian out of the house. fuh. took me awhile too. hour plus i think, because i couldn't get it to go where its supposed to go. they should make this a sport, frog-directing.

let's hope for my sake the frog doesn't go telling on me to a princess that tries to kiss it. that would be embarassing.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="222" caption="frog prince yang kecik hati kerana aku takut ngan dia."][/caption]

some things that you're afraid of when you're little, but there are some things you're just afraid of, no matter how old you are, and no matter what you do about it.

when i was little, i was so afraid of the dark and/or ghosts. like really, really afraid. everytime i wanted to take a shower, i'd need to have someone accompany me and stay outside the door. and i'd be trying to force my eyes open everytime i take a bath, so that i can see if there are any ghosts lurking around. haha. scaredy cat.

but that was when i was little. haha. i think maybe the ghosts are afraid of me nowadays, being so sarcasticly evil.

i was also afraid of heights. and i still am. see there are things you can overcome, like fear of ghosts and stuff. but some, you can't. as far as i can remember, i've been trying to get rid of my fear of heights. everytime i go somewhere high, i try to look down to the ground below and get rid of it. but its just not possible. no matter what. no matter how many times i try, that fear will still be there.

haihs.

but, they say that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. how this applies to my fear of heights, i do not know. hahha

people say that what you are afraid of now usually has something to do with what you were frightened with as a child. some people are afraid of cats, however unbelievably cute some kittens may be, some people are afraid of cats, probably because a cat scratched them when they were little, maybe.

i don't think anyone ever frightened me with ghosts or frogs or anything when i was a kid. frogs are just gooey. its not fear. its unlike-ness. haha. i do not fear frogs, i only dislike them.

what else. oh yes, i have a weird fear of talking to people i'm not familiar with. it takes a lot of courage for me to go talking to someone i've never talked with. it sometimes is ridiculously hard for me to go talking to someone, so i just shy away unnoticed, and sometimes its not just people i don't know, sometimes even with people i know, i'm a bit hesitant to go talk to them. this particular trait of mine sometimes makes matters more complicated than it should be.

haihs.

although i might go around boasting what a smooth-talker i am, in truth i'm not. well not naturally. if you see me smooth-talking someone, yea thats probably not me. haha. or high from sleeping too much.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="260" caption="yes, this might be me, if i was 7 years old. (or mat salleh)"][/caption]

the reason why i never posted pictures in my blog before is because its kinda difficult with the friendster blog. im not sure how its like with blogger and all that, but its a bit difficult with friendster. but i thought i'd give you guys and girls a treat this time. (and also because i don't have much of anything else to say). o yea, i dislike troublesome things, but then again, who does.

fear of hurting someone's feelings. yes. that's another fear. the thing about being sarcastic all the time, you sometimes go overboard on the sarcasm and hurt someone's feelings. and it has happened quite often to me. if you are one of the people that has been offended by me in the past, i truly am sorry and it probably wasn't my intention to do so. probably. hahaha. (see how bad i am, its a miracle i still have friends).

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="342" caption="the dog might very well be me."][/caption]

ok i'm getting bored. i dislike being bored. while writing this i actually went reading some random singaporean girl's blog coz she looked pretty in her profile pic. lol. what to do, a guy is still a guy, unless he's gay. hope ya enjoyed the post with the pictures.

till next time, take care friends.

all the best in life.

(no i am not being sarcastic..)
.

.

(i think)

31 posts old

i must warn the readers that there is a possibility that you might be offended with this post, especially if you like photography. if you are easily offended, steer clear from this post. in case you decided to ignore this warning, i am sorry. everyone's entitled to their own opinion right. although mine could be dead wrong. :P

happy birthday!

no, not to my blog, although this is the 31st post.

to everyone that celebrated their birthday recently. :P

my cousin's birthday is on the 1st day of raya. how fun is that?! haha. so instead of just eating nasi himpit and ketupat and lemang, we ate cake as well. yeay for the soon-to-be overweight us. :P (and to some cousins that are already overweight. wahaha!)

oh yea, selamat hari raya! lol. that should be the first thing i said. zzz. must set priorities straight next time. and maaf zahir batin juga. or in english, sorry for the obvious and not so obvious things...

hmm. didn't really have anything to write about. really this time. ah, here's something. seems like everyone has a degree nowadays. and here i thought i was somehow special because i (almost) have a degree. zzz. how uncool. i dunno if most people know this, but i don't like to be... similar to other people. i prefer to be different. i don't think its a cry for attention, i simply dislike being similar to other people, i do not like following trends, i try to break away from the crowd.

example? to be completely honest, i like photography. no, not the art of buying expensive cameras and then showing it off to the world as if the camera makes you a cameramen, the art of taking beautiful pictures, regardless of what camera you use. see, i found out i liked photography a long time ago, before it became a craze, at least it was before the craze, coz i don't seem to recall anyone talking about it then. and the camera that i used? my VGA quality phone camera. haha. some ppl might notice that in my camera phone, where there should be pictures of myself posing vainly, pictures of other human beings that are close to me, are pictures of inanimate objects, weird things and bizarre scenery. again, honestly, im very stiff, definitely not photogenic, if thats how you spell it. so even though at times i do try to pose and get a good photo of myself, i seldom succeed. haha.

anyways, getting back to the photography thing, i also realised that taking good pictures of other people are hard as well. i prefer candid shots, but its so hard to actually catch a very good one, unless you're actually talented, which i'm not. haha. so i like taking pictures of things that don't normally move. hence pictures of scenery, inanimate objects, and other weird things. but i've never actually told anyone i like taking pictures. and it really didn't occur to me to get those expensive cameras to improve the quality of the pictures, coz they aren't that nice to begin with. haha. its just something i do for my own pleasure.

but nowadays, seems like every single human being is a 'photographer'. everyone boasting their new DSLR or DSL modem (lol) or whatever it is and are actually going for photoshoots to satisfy their thirst for great photo-capturing or whatever the hell they call what they're doing. lol. sorry.

i really must voice out my opinion on this one. first off, having a very good camera doesn't mean you're a photographer that suddenly has the urge or more appropriately put the caliber or more bluntly put actual talent to actually pull off a photoshoot, it just means you're a camera owner. that's it. nothing more. (credit to my friend for telling me this. :) )

secondly, while the presence of beautiful girls and beautiful scenery does make the photograph more beautiful (obviously), it does not mean that since it was you that took the photograph, it automatically turns you into a talented photographer because the picture was beautiful. any moron can go take pictures of a beautiful girl and the pictures will turn out pretty no matter what he does. BUT, it takes skill to take pictures of a mundane, uninteresting thing and make it look extraordinary, magical.

again, sorry. i do not mean to offend, but there are some things that i just can't stand. i rarely go rant-ing (without the hyphen it looks like a branch. lol) like this, but when i do, someone's bound to be pissed off. haha. and who can blame them.

so, er, getting back to what i was talking about previously, i actually do like photography, but since everyone's doing it now, it really annoys me. haha. poyo giler. but that's me. i can't change who i am. i wanted to make a list of things that i do that are different, but there aren't that many that i can think of at the moment. ah, this blog? why the hell haven't i moved out of friendster when everyone has already moved on to better places? thats one. handphone? using motorola, instead of nokia / sony-ericsson. laptop? dell. watch? fossil. not that unique nowadays, but have not met another person with the same exact design, ever.

once you think about it, it really does make sense. even my name is unique / different from others. i don't think ive ever met someone named yasin in person. even abdullah, although a somewhat common name, is not someone i bump into regularly. o yeaa, speaking about names, what's the deal with Malays naming their children with English / weird names? are Islamic / Arabic / Malay names not good enough for their children? i do not mean to be rude especially to those named this way, but your name will somewhat affect what you will become in the future. the closest example would be me. unique name, very unique, almost alien-like personality / interests. haha.

and sometimes, the names are almost impossible to pronounce. arcturus? nymphadora? obama? haha. you can't even tell if its a he or a she sometimes. really. in my humblest of opinions, a name should hold a meaning. it should mean something good or worthy of mentioning. if your name is epal merah bin jantan, you can't even be proud of that. for all we know, you're someone's favorite fruit.

lets take my name for example. my real name is abdullah yasin. granted, it's not the most common of names, but its full of meaning, at least i think so. abdullah means slave of God. yasin, i'm not entirely sure, but i've been told it refers to a prophet. now, the actual person might not be much, but the name abdullah yasin represents someone that is religious, devoted to God, perhaps the best man can be, as man was put on this Earth to be a servant of God anyways. Muslims believe that anything that comes out of our mouths is indirectly a prayer, which is why in Malay culture we rarely or try to avoid saying bad things. example, scolding a naughty boy "aih bertuahnye budak ni pergi conteng dinding". same thing goes for names. we give, or i should say we should have given good names to children in the sense that we pray for the child to live up to his / her name. but people nowadays are so caught up in the glitz and glamour of hollywood, we probably will be seeing names like keanu reeves jonas pitt bin jantan very soon...

but honestly, who am i to judge other people. i'm a nobody really. for all i know, tomorrow or maybe the day after that i will be going out and spending tons of cash on a camera i barely know how to use and post on facebook "I iz expert photographer. I haz expensive camera". (might just do that, for more sarcastic reasons. haha). or maybe when it's my turn to name my own son / daughter, i'd probably forget all about my rambles and rants here and name him / her alfonso de al gore-o-bama. or since i like computers so much,  motherboardeina. haha. meaningful what.... computer savvy. motherly. haha. if its a boy, joystickaram sings wall-e. @_@

ok. must stop before i offend more people. but no offense to obama though, the name kinda rolls off the tongue, dont ya think? obama.. obama.. obama... haha. lastly, the most important tradition in my opinion during the raya month, maaf zahir dan batin to all. :)

peace. take care!

confusing

i have a meeting with my Final Year project supervisor tomorrow at 8 a.m. its 2.20 a.m now. its not exactly the most suitable time for me to be updating my blog, but what the hell. i never really did care about the concept of time and how much hours of sleep a normal human being should have.

honestly, i haven't been that busy at all. really, not that busy. but definitely very busy compared to before. lol. so it kinda bothered, not stopped, my usual wasting of time.

there has been a lot on my mind recently. well there is always a lot on my mind, but now i figured there's MORE,  so its a lot more than usual. see what i mean? writing nonsensical sentences. lol

realize it or not, its my final year. in this university. it feels weird, trying to figure out, where all that time went. maybe i left it under my bed. zzz.

a couple of friends have already graduated. some have even got their jobs and are starting very soon. wow. ah, but thats now what i wanted to talk about. what i wanted to talk about was how inconsiderate of a friend i was.

it was their convocation. a once-in-a-lifetime thing. and i couldn't even wake up early to show my support. honestly i felt like crap. well, i probably felt more sleepy than guilty, coz i went back to sleep even after waking up. but still, i shouldn'tve done that.

honestly, i wanted to go to kl. um. to see one close friend's graduation. well actually there were 2 friends that were graduating, but one's convocation was in the middle of the week, so i can't really skip class to go. well, i CAN skip, but i do not want to. i'm proud to say that i have not skipped ANY class AT ALL this semester. yeay for me! :)

anyways, as i was planning to actually go to the friend's convocation, i found out that UTP's convocation is on the same weekend. crap. i do have friends here as well that are graduating. so i decided not to go to kl, to be here for the friends here's convocation.

which i in the end missed.

what kind of a friend am i?

well, to be fair, i don't really think i'm THAT close with them, but its just good manners. doesn't have to be super duper close to actually go to someone's convocation. sigh. sorry friends.

honestly, people must think im a real jerk. haha. and who can blame them, i am. sometimes.

maybe its just because people just don't know me.

but how can people actually get to know me if i don't really give them a chance?

[thinks...]

i dunno. some people managed to do it. so its not entirely impossible now is it?

sigh.

why just today, someone said "lawak gak ko nih". in a way that implied that she previously thought i was NOT FUNNY.

@_@

and here i thought i was being funny all this while. zzz. remind me not to try out to be a comedian any time soon.

i guess people judge by what they see. as do i.

i must admit im definitely the most warm person to talk to. definitely not the most friendly person. oh and have i mentioned i have this thing where i don't like people that are too cheerful?

no i do NOT hate kittens and no, i am NOT a psychopath. at least i dont think so.

but really, do i care what people think of me? [answer : yes]

its hard not to care what people think of you when your life revolves around you AND other people. BUT,... i will not do anything i would not want to do JUST to change what people think of me. for instance, i'm not going to suddenly go all-happy and cheery all of a sudden and suddenly be all-talkative to everyone.

HELL NO.

i'm just going to be the usual lazy-looking, keeps-to-his-friends me. in short, i care about what people think of me, but not enough to do anything about it. hahaha.

but there are people that i listen to. i mean, i do listen to my friends. i do listen to my family. there was a time in the past where people actually came to me to talk about their problems. why? well, i'm not entirely sure, but i THINK its because i try not to judge. or at the very least not tell it to their face and be mean and shit. haha.

there was one time when a friend of mine was telling me about her new boyfriend. i asked her what happened to her old boyfriend. and so she went about how she was with her boyfriend and then another guy came into the picture and at one time she had TWO boyfriends and etc2.

i could've just said to her what a "bad person" (refraining from using bad words :P) she was for doing such a thing but instead i just listened, with the occasional voicing out my more polite thoughts. sometimes the reason people talk to others is not to ask for advise, not to be judged, but just to let it out. to be able to tell someone, or just share it with someone is a huge relief on its own.

usually what i do when i write a post is that i re-read everything i type so that it actually makes sense to people when they read it. well not this time. haha. i digress.

what was it i was talking about again?

[scrolls back up]

ah, so its convo, bad friend, people not knowing me, not caring what people think, used to be a good friend....

you know, sometimes when i read other people's blog, i wonder if my blog will ever be this interesting. haha. coz some bloggers are really good story-tellers. (totally out of the blue, i know)

okay! moral of the story.

1. be a good friend.


2. ATTEND ur friends convo.


3. do not judge people even though it isn't really your fault sometimes


4. do not change who you are for people who couldn't care less


5. DO CHANGE yourself for the better for YOURSELF and people that do care!


6. try to make sense when you blog (put yourself in the reader's shoes)


7. always get enough sleep before meeting your lecturer.

i should go to bed before i confuse people even more. selamat berpuasa!

take care. :)

bright side of life

hi.

its the first week of the semester, and so far.... im sorta liking the schedule that i  have. its a 20-credit hour semester, and still i have so much free time. haha. although im somewhat jealous that some friends are even more free-er than i am. they get extra 2 days off. zzzz.

but having too much free time can be boring, especially for me if i can't play any games. zzz. i can't do anything else, so as you can see, i'm blogging more often. lol. gosh, starting to miss sunway piramid. hahah.

it is 12:50 p.m. i just woke up a few minutes ago. after finding that my roommate has gone missing, (probably went for mandarin class), i have lost the will to do anything beneficial at all and decided to wait until my stomach gets hungry before going down to eat. haha. what a loser.

i guess what the first week has taught me is that even with so much free time, it is worthless if you don't know how to use it properly. zzz. there's only so much time you can sleep for one day before the sleep becomes eternal. erk. haha.

i have this one friend. honestly i think he's miserable in his university. he always complains in his blogs that "oh what a pain going back to U is" and "oh how i will miss my home" and etc. at first its quite amusing to read this stuff, but after countless more posts, its just starts to get a wee bit boring borderline pathetic, really. haha. no offense.

ive never really told anyone here in utp, (especially that friend of mine), but i actually WANTED to come here before i was even accepted. see, when i was in form 5, i followed a field trip to UTP. and so they, the tourguides, were promoting this and that, perhaps sometimes blowing things out of proportions, and me, being the gullible idiot that i was back then (and now also probably, haha) bought the whole thing.

on second thought, i think it wasn't the tourguide that influenced me that much to come here. i think it was the scenery. the infrastructure. after all, UTP did win the Aga Khan award for infrastructure. anyways, this was the first university that i ever visited anywhere, and i thought, "wow, this is one hell of a university". yeah, i actually judged how good a university was by its looks. how shallow am i. zzz.

and so, with the thought of the nice green environment and modern design of the buildings, i said to myself, "im coming back here again someday". its funny how with age your thinking changes, because i was completely mesmerized by the beauty of the university at the time, i didnt even think about how is its standard of education, is the position of the university strategic, and all that. but then again, teens are like that. they seldom think that much. haha. (sedih im no longer a teen. lol)

after my spm, i tried entering the university, but unfortunately my results were not that satisfactory according to my mother's standards (coz my father didn't really say that much) and obviously, the university's standards. and so, i had to settle with going for matriculation. i made it my target to apply for a matriculation center that is NOT in perak, coz i wanted to travel. i didn't want to stay cooped up here. i wanted to see the world.

at first i wanted to put labuan as my first choice, but that was Damn far away, and my mother would never allow that. haha. so i settled with places that my parents would actually be able to visit me without that much difficulty. my choice for matriculation, in order was PasUM, penang and perak. guess im not that big of a jerk, i still consider what other ppl think. haha.

i do not know if my mother pulled some strings or what (coz sometimes she does), but i got into my first choice. PasUM. and honestly i enjoyed it immensely there. i had a close group of friends there, more closer than any friends i ever made previously, and we still keep in touch from time to time. plus, the shopping malls were THAT close, and i went out for enjoyment every week that i did not run out of money. haha.

then, after pasum, i was given two choices. study mechanical engineering in UM, or study chemical engineering in UTP. i would like to point out that i have not gotten a scholarship at this point, and it costs quite a bunch to study in UTP. furthermore, (ceh, mcm technical writing plak. haha), all my friends are in UM. well, most of them anyways. but.... UTP is offering me the course that I actually want. sigh.

so the 2 choices were, go to UTP and study something that you were planning on studying ALONE, or go to UM and study something that you did not plan on studying (but did not mind to study anyways) and hang out with your friends all the time. it was the toughest decision i had to make, ever. i was thinking of how it would suck to go to a new foreign place with no familiar faces whatsoever and at the same time how stupid it would be if i chose something just to follow my friends.

and so, after a few days of thinking, i decided. i decided that i was going to go with something that i had planned earlier in life and brave it out on my own, no matter what happens. i decided i was going to be a UTP student. hoho. how brave~

and so here i am. i do not deny that i miss hanging out with my friends (especially when they hung out in KL but i couldn't join coz i was stuck in UTP. zzzz), but at the same time, looking back, i would not change what i did. i miss pasum, i miss my internship life, i miss my house, i miss my friends, i miss my family. but in life you have to screw all that and make do with what you DO have. so i'm trying to enjoy life as it is. and looks like im doing it. :)

except for when DC++ is down and i cant download the movies / series. zz wtf.

i doubt that my friend is reading this, but in the off-chance that he does, enjoy life as it is. suck it up already. life isn't pretty, ONLY if you see it that way. as the song says, always look on the bright side of life.

okay, getting hungry now.

till next time, take care

:D

p/s : i must admit that i am a bit of a coward, coz i did not comment / say anything on his blog. lol. nvm. he probably won't be too happy seeing a 1000+ comment thats longer than his posts COMBINED anyways. haha.

the dark side

the thing about doing your final internship report is that, after spending the whole day writing something, the last thing you'd look for to escape your days work is write a blog....

and that is the reason i did not blog in june. :)

anyways, still working on the final report, still a little bit lazy to write my blog, but ive been putting it off for too long, so here goes.

...

...

...

cant think of anything. sigh.

okay starting for real now.

life is pretty simple for me now. been going to work late, and coming home early, and not doing much work in between. lol. (no, this is not a smiley of one guy holding both his hands up, its L.O.L, as in laugh out loud. zzz)

with the coming of the juniors, (i have 2 under me btw), life has been pretty sweet. i passed all my tasks to them, saying its all part of  the "hands-on training". hoho. smart eh. while they're toiling away with the hard labour, im chilling at the lab, away from my supervisors' eyes, and doing my final internship report, and some facebooking as well. hihi. okay, sometimes maybe more fb-ing than report-writing.

actually i did mean what i said about the "hands-on training". i really did mean for them to learn everything while im still there. (if you actually thought im bullying my juniors coz im super lazy, shame on you!). coz honestly my senior did a pretty bad job of passing the torch on. and i dont wanna be a pain like her now do I?

anyhow, since my tasks are now divided amongst two people, its not that bad for them. they still have time to chill. which is good, i think. too much stress is never good.

i'd like to think i have a very high tolerance to stress. or as my kelantanese roommate once put it, "a very high ignorance level". or as I'd like to put it, I'm just uber cool. haha.

but to be frank, I'm not that cool actually. I always get stressed out. sometimes for the smallest of reasons. it's just that i don't show it. i have a very emotionless face sometimes. a friend i once went out with said i'd make a very bad haggler (i.e : penawar harga barang jadi rendah). coz even if the price was real pricey, i'd not show the slightest hint of shock or any relevant emotion whatsoever (coz i can't think of another emotion one would portray at the moment. see how emotionless i am sometimes?! lol)

i try to keep my cool. it would probably be uncool to show how shocked you are at the price of a GFX card for example (find the word that shows im a computer addict). however, that uncoolness would probably get you a better price. which is probably why sometimes girls make better hagglers. (yes, in general guys ar cooler than girls. haha) which is also why i always bring my mother along when i plan on buying something expensive. haha.

okay, ive lost track of what i was saying and do not know how to proceed.

oh, did i mention my internship ends next week?

(refer back here later)

WOOT!

(woot! is kinda like yeay!, only more nerdy)

ah, sidetracking a bit. please dont be too offended if i type or text you "wtf". its not as offensive as you might think. it depends on the usage really. usually, if a wtf is preceded or followed by a lol, as in "lol wtf" or "wtf lol", its not meant to be hurtful. really depends on the occasion you're using it and who you're using it with. an appropriate example would be saying to your close friend "bodoh la ko..". its not offensive as compared to saying it to someone you JUST met. get it? :)

(if you still dont get it then stfu and dont use wtf k. haha. lol.)

the reason for the long explanation is that i said lol wtf to someone the other day, and she got upset. guess she's not that big of a cyber geek as me. lol wtf. haha.

ah. since im elaborating so much on the use of internet shortforms, maybe i should explain a few here....

wait, that would be boring...

wait again, it already IS boring...

....

moving on, lol.

....

(i seem to be stuck. crap.)

sigh, if only i could type up my report as fast as this. haha. as of right now, my report is around 7000 words long. if im not mistaken it was 6000 words yesterday. not bad eh. i jokingly said to a friend the other day, in malay, "this is  6 months work cramped into a few weeks!". "how so?", the friend asks. "coz my blog is roughly 1000 words per entry and i only write once a month, and that's if im feeling hardworking... (rasa rajin. lol)."

lol.

i am never good at goodbyes or anything that's remotely sad. despite my cool exterior (lol), i am quite soft on the inside (except for the bones). i tend to suddenly reminisce on all the good times ive spent with that person and suddenly feel the need to justify all the un-nice things he / she has done to me, and suddenly feel sad that he / she is leaving.

and it is a feeling that sucks. zzzz.

(no, the "zzzz" does not mean ive fallen asleep.)

(although it COULD mean someone reading this has. lol.)

okay, getting back to what i was saying (please refer back). my internship finishes next week. it is a mixture of feelings. im feeling glad, and also slightly sad. regardless of how much i disliked the tons of work, the un-appreciation of work or effort, the being-looked-down-upon feeling, there were some good times. to say that i totally hated the experience would be a lie. all in all, it was a very good learning experience, no matter how hard it may be at times, i enjoyed and will cherish every moment of the 32 weeks journey.

for a 20 year old boy (yes i still think im a boy, thank you), 8 months is quite a long time. and now its coming to an end. im awfully happy that its finally coming to an end. haha. (told ya it was a mixture of feelings).

....

....

yea, im running out of things to say.

last week, one of the trainees at J&J finished her internship period (not the other period ok. lol). i am unsure how it happened, but me and her ended up exchanging farewell gifts with each other. lol. she gave me this glass tablet with a poem titled "friendship" engraved on it. which i must say is extremely thoughtful.

i, being the extremely-good-at-picking-gifts guy that i am, bought her a mug.

yes, a mug.

and painted on that mug is.....

(adding a pause to create excitement and anticipation)

"Good Morning. Let the stress begin!"

how thoughtful.

wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.

i was cursing myself the entire trip back home after work. in defense of myself and my extremely inappropriate gift, i was looking for something to give to her that upon looking on it, would definitely remind her of the fun and crazy me.

not the heartless, sorry-excuse-for-a friend me.

besides cursing myself and being the laughing stock of the friend that drove me home, i was frantically thinking of how to salvage this situation (or friendship, perhaps). i mean, one gift can change everything! and so, after my friend's laughter has died out (although i swear i can still hear him laughing after dropping me off), i followed my most feminine instincts (lol) and texted from the heart.

with fingers crossed, i texted (although how one would text / sms with his fingers crossed is beyond me)

"Hello. Saya sudah buka u punya hadiah. So touching :) Probably shud hav given u something similar, but then it wud not be sumthing that reminds u of me especially. :) Take care!"

Fingers still crossed, i waited for the reply.

First 30 seconds passed, no reply.

5 minutes, still no reply.

10 minutes, nothing.

.

.

.

.

zzzz.

(I fell asleep)

lol. i just came back from work, of course im tired!

and then it came. it woke me up from the nap i accidentally took with my fingers still crossed (which is probably not good for the fingers, but who cares really). half awake, i read the reply.

"Haha, ur cup realy wil make me remember u always, if have destiny, hope we can meet again, take care also, yaxin from johnsin & johnsin :-D"

FUH! LEGA!

that was a close one.

in my semi-conscious state, i almost replied " bukan cup la, mug.", but thank God my brain was functioning more properly than when i bought the mug.

note to self : when buying a gift for a girl next time, ignore all sense of sarcasm and buy something lovey dovey.

there is a very fine line between being nice and being mean. good and evil. funny sarcasm and not-funny-at-all-borderline-cruel sarcasm. pray you don't accidentally slip to the dark side.

till next time, cheers!

take care.

ciao. :)

p/s : in case your wondering, johnsin & johnsin is not a typo error, just a friend joke that me and the ppl at J&J understand. although yaxin might be a typo. or she doesn't know how to spell my name. lol. at least we're still talking :P

not time yet.

ok. dah update. bye bye blog. haha.

(ditarik telinga oleh blog utk teruskan)

ouch.

er, hi. honestly i had not planned at all to update my blog tonight, but after reading a comment from a friend at his blog, i decided to show him how my mind is chock-full of so many ideas and stories that i can conjure up a 1000 word blog just like that (snaps his fingers).

how foolishly arrogant humans can be sometimes.

(thinking of the next line..)

After several tries to see the definition of finger snap on wiki failed miserably (stupid internet), I decided to write about something else.

Lately my mind has been thinking about my coming semester. In few weeks time, I shall be a senior. (still clicking "Try again" button on wiki page) I may be somewhat influenced by my increasingly jiwang and desperate friends (penghargaan ke sapik), but my mind keeps thinking about how almost everyone is rushing to find themselves a life partner.

Apparently, most find it extremely difficult to find a partner after university years. Even the most unexpected of people have a bf/gf. (not-so-vague hint : current kelantanese roommate ). It is quite hard to digest that the people that usually condemn the "coupling" phenomena (i.e: Rakan Masjid), are joining in the supposedly hedonistic trend. (not referring to my roommate, but others perhaps). If I may quote a line from a book i just finished reading last weekend (and have been waiting for its sequel ever since), "Even Holy Men are men".

If there's one thing I do not like, it's hypocrites. I hope I'm not a hypocrite, but in truth, we all are, some perhaps more than others. Yes, we are. The way I act when I'm with my parents is a bit different from the way I act with my friends. Not a different person altogether, but slightly different, mostly out of respect. And I'm pretty sure most people are the same.

Getting back to my original topic, when I think about my university years slowly but surely coming to an end, I start to think if I'm actually going to find someone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate to the point I imagine myself going to the zoo with my girlfriend to look at elephants (penghargaan kedua kepada sapik), its just that the thought of it pops into my head sometimes and it makes me somewhat worried. Moreover most of my close friends are already planning when they're getting married. WTF!

Gosh, how depressing is the blog this time. honestly I don't like to write depressing blogs. I dunno, there is enough pain in this world as it is, why spread around more?

There's this one person in my office. He's a real pain in the "donkey" when it comes to work, but apart from work, he's actually a nice guy i think. A bit dorky, but overall a nice person. Friendly, humorous (although at times over the top), sarcastic are words that one would use to describe him. I would also like to note here that this person is NOT me. haha. He's actually around 30 years old.

He has a job that he seems to enjoy, a respected position in a multinational company, somewhat plain-looking but not the ugliest in the bunch, and an overall nice personality. The thing that bothers me the most about him is that he's not married.

And in more ways than one, I see myself in this person. I have big ambitions. I work hard (compared to other interns).What if I'm to turn to into him in a couple of years? Who's to say I'm not? Perhaps the reason he works so bloody hard is to overcome overwhelm the loneliness? He seems to have no problem talking to women, so why is he not married?! Surely women have married (and divorced) people that are worse than him, yet why is this person, (however he obnoxious might be sometimes due to his no-way-but-my-way attitude), not married?

Is it because he did not find himself a girlfriend during his university years? My parents didn't meet each other at the university. But that was years ago. Who knows, perhaps the trend has changed nowadays. Perhaps it was just not meant to be for him? Obviously I do not want it to happen to me also, but what should I do? zzz. This sucks. Maybe my laid-back attitude will not help in this department. lol. After all, as my friend said, the well will not go looking for the timber. lol. (penghargaan kepada sado on the well-rojaked proverb. almost didn't spot what was wrong the first time)

Honestly, I don't think I'm fully ready for commitment. It's hard for me to imagine I'm only allowed to speak to only ONE girl and not be allowed to go out with other girls, if only for a casual outing. Because that's what marriage is. It is highly unacceptable for a husband to go out with a female friend of his, and it is also the same scenario for the wife. The husband is bound by custom and culture to go out only with his guy-friends and the wife is also allowed to go out with her girl friends only.

I can't imagine how, or why for that matter would I limit myself to these rules and restrictions. Sure, most of the time I hang out with my guy-friends, but sometimes I do get bored and I do ask my girl friends to go out. And sometimes its only me and the girl. Honestly, its just an outing, it is hardly romantic, I just enjoy talking to a girl sometimes.

Okay, okay, fair enough, even if I had a girlfriend, I would still be able to go out with my girl friends, but to what extent? Surely the girlfriend would limit what I can and cannot do, and at some point, she might will get jealous no matter how much I tell her she's the only one bla3, we're only human. I'd probably be jealous too if a guy constantly asks my girl out.

... lost track of the reason i'm writing. how appropriate that my playlist is currently playing The Reason by Hoobastank.

I just want you to know,

I've found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be,

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you...

Sigh, it's amazing how the hardest of questions can be answered with the simplest arrangement of words in a song.

When you're married (or perhaps in most of my peers case, found true love), you don't really care about anyone else, well, not as much as that special someone. you don't mind not talking to your other girl-friends, as long as you can talk to that one person, if only for the briefest of moments. Sacrifices have to be made, but when the right person comes along, you'd do it in a heartbeat.

I understand now why some friends of mine did the things they do. I was ignorant then, I was arrogant, I still am.

Maybe my time is not here yet. Maybe it never will be.

I'm hoping it will be.

Whenever that may be.

Till next time, take care.                                                                                     Peace.