Monday, December 31, 2012

End of Days

So the world did not end this year. Big shocker there.

I don't think many people believed that end-of-the-world, despite all its hype.

It is an interesting topic nevertheless, what would you have done if it was the end of the world?

Would you have lived your life differently?

Would you run to nearest mosque and repent for all your past transgressions?

Would you book the first flight of to Egypt and die in front of the Pyramids?

Or would you perhaps confess your undying love to that special someone on your very last day of existence?

Most interesting indeed.

I thought for awhile on what I would've done had I actually believed it was doomsday.

I don't think I would've done anything differently.

If it was predicted that the world would end at the stroke of midnight, during the day I would probably go to work as usual (assuming people actually went to the office), or go about my normal everyday activities.

Sleep. Play games. Watch movies. Observe as the world reacts.

Usual things.

I do not know this for sure, but I would assume some people would think either I have lost all will to live and have decided to wait for the inevitable end, or that I am unbelievably lazy and cannot be bothered to salvage what precious moments still left to spare.

Almost, but not quite.

I thought of it for a second or two, and I decided, what is there to do?

Did I wish to see the world and marvel at the fascinating sights and cultures?

Did I wish to see myself have a family and grow old with my wife while our own children build their life?

Did I hope to build a successful career doing something that I love (whatever that may be) and buy my parents whatever worldly indulgence that they desired?

Did I wish to be a better person than I already was, perhaps the best person I could be, and leave my mark in this world?

Of course I did.

But what could I possibly have accomplished in that short period of time?

I believe that whatever has happened, has happened for a reason, and whatever did not, was not supposed to.

If the world did end that day, it was not fated to be.

I am not one to go against my fate.

Its funny, how I never cease to complain about my life especially here in this blog, yet I believe in not going against my fate.

Its not to say that I am that person that sits on his ass and waits for things to happen.

Its just that I believe, that whatever I did, whatever I am doing, and whatever I will do in the future, has all been written.

I just don't know what exactly was written.

I'm still trying to figure it out. But aren't we all.

Which reminds me, there is probably one thing I would do differently on my last day.

I probably would contact everyone I have ever known and said I'm sorry for everything.

I can never really tell whether I'm being offensive, because often times I feel like I'm being refreshingly honest, when in fact, nobody wants someone that's REALLY honest.

We just like it when people are honest about things that we like, like how pretty or how smart we are.

We never want to hear things like "Oh you're pregnant, you should probably get maternity clothes rather than pretending those old clothes still fit, coz honey, you're not exactly fooling anyone".

Is what I said in my head of course.... I'm not that evil.

Although I did say something which hinted that.

I should probably apologise to her should the world really end.

One thing I noticed recently, we Malaysians never can disagree on one thing without taking things personal.

When someone says something, its like you're obligated to agree, or else you'll offend the person.

There really is no such thing as agree to disagree here.

At the end of an argument, we nod our heads in agreement, just to avoid confrontation.

We then talk about it behind that person's back. Very typical behaviour.

Sometimes there doesn't even have to be any disagreement. We just like talking bad about other people behind their backs.

Backstabbing SOBs, we are.

Anyways, the reason why I noticed is that most of the people I talk to sometimes disagree to what I say, but when I state my point of views, they suddenly agree on a compromise.

Either I'm incredibly convincing or they just don't wanna argue with me.

Probably both. Haha.

Anyways, I digress. After apologising to everyone, at least people I think I've offended (which would take a few hours), I think I would've just sat down on my prayer mat, and just talked to God.

By this time, the billions of humans on Earth that actually believes in God would probably ask God for forgiveness, but I wonder out of those billions, how many are actually sincere in repenting, and not merely afraid of being punished because they are about to die.

This is not to say that I am pure from any sins, far from it, but if anything, I would like to think that I am sincere in my religious acts.

Truth be told, although my father was somewhat of a religious person, he never really forced me to embrace religion, he merely guided me, and it was largely up to me to decide, even when I was a boy.

As a boy, I would think that I am one of the few that prayed not because I was told to or caned if I didn't, but mostly because I wanted to.

And because there was no cane, I may have skipped a few prayers as well. LOL.

I guess what my father was trying to teach me was that there really is no compulsion in religion, when you do it, do it with all your heart, or why bother doing at all.

There is also the possibility that I may have grossly misunderstood what he was trying to say.

But seriously though, its kinda like when you're speeding above 110km/h on a highway, and you see that AES camera up ahead, so you slow down.

You don't really wanna slow down, but you do it because you're forced to, because you don't wanna pay for the summons.

Unlike that camera and the PDRM, you're not fooling God, He knows your true intentions.

That's the way I understand things anyway. I could be horribly wrong. I know some people think so.

I guess at the very last hour, my entire life would probably flash before my eyes, and I would suddenly be able to remember every good, and every bad thing that I've done.

To repent is to regret in doing, and there are things I hoped I did not do, but it is those things that I have done in the past that become a reminder for me today.

I hope that He forgives me for all that I have done. I hope I hope for this everyday, and not just my very last day.

I am after all merely a puppet in His grand scheme of things.

And after all that, I wait. For the world to end.

What an anti-climactic way to die. Haha.

I'm never really one to show off.

It just sometimes sounds like I'm showing off, when in fact I'm just telling the truth.

Because I'm awesome like that.

Okay that one was a bit show-offy.

Now that we know that the world did not end last week, cheers to the coming new year.

Another year to live.

I shall end this post with some wise words from my brain.

We live today simply to die another day.

However, do not be sad, death is not the end.

It is only the beginning.

Also, don't buy Mayan calendars.


Saturday, November 17, 2012


It has been a good year.

I have done a lot of soul searching, and I think I've made some progress. It simply started out as my very general initiative of being a better person. As I walked around KL, as I drove back and forth from home to work, I would often find myself thinking about all my traits, both good and bad.

I would reflect on the things that I've done the day before, my interactions with the people around me, how people around me brought themselves about, and how I could benefit from all these observations. Most of the time I could see how I reacted wrongly, what I should have done instead, or if others did something that resulted in something undesirable, I would take note of that and try to avoid doing it myself.

But then it progressed. I wondered if anyone out there in this world actually did what I did. I wondered if anyone else out there took the time to retrace their steps in an attempt to be a better person. Why do I need to do this? I am doubtful that most of the people I know do this. So why? What is the purpose? What is the purpose of my life? Is it to be socially acceptable? Do I really need to conform to the standards of society?

What is the meaning of life? Or more specifically, my life?

Yes, I know by this point all the religious folks would say "to serve God". We are put on this Earth to pray to Him, bow down to Him, do as He commands, stay away from what He forbids. 

That is far too general. I want specifics.

I do not believe that I am put on this Earth merely to live out my insignificant life and then die and then hope I "pass the test", so to speak. In my heart of hearts, I do not believe that I am put on this Earth, just to wake up every morning, do my prayers, go to work, come back from work, eat, drink, rest, sleep and wake back up and repeat this cycle until I die.

I simply cannot believe it to be true.

I look at people and I see how some of them are so complacent, so docile, and yet I find myself at times so agitated, never being able to sit still in one place, and I know that I am not the same. Its as if my very soul is waiting for something to happen.

This is not to say that most people are wasting their lives, perhaps that is the path that God intended for them, and that is the best for them. It is most certainly a lot easier, to be able to come to terms with yourself.

I pass by random people by the street, strangers in shopping malls, and I would look at their faces, sometimes happy, sometimes appearing sad, sometimes expressionless, and I would wonder to myself, do these people wonder the way I do, are these people looking for something as I am looking for something or are they already perfectly content with their lives.

I am searching for the reason of my existence.

I am searching for something. Or perhaps someone.

As romantic as that may have sounded in your head, its not. Or if you prefer it that way, why not. I am merely suggesting that the key to finding the answer may be in a form of an event, or an object, or even a person.

At one point, I was so eager, so excited, that I forget, I am still young. My life is still laid in front of me. The answer does not have to come right this very instant. Some people go through their whole lives looking for the answer, and some don't even succeed, so I should take things as they come, and not in a rushed manner.

Sometimes, I see these passive people around me, and just being around them annoys me. LOL. I am not known for my pro-activeness, that much is certain, but when I'm in that "excited state", the presence of these people irritates me. The sound of their voice, the way they walk, dragging their heavy feet across the floor one step after the other, is like nails on chalkboard.

But if everyone was like me, we'd have so much more wars and the world would really end by December 2012 because we'd have blown the entire planet to bits and pieces.

I have my faults. I'm slowly learning to fix them, or at least minimize them as much as God would allow me.

Life has calmed down. I have learned to make peace with myself and my surroundings. What goes around comes around. Be nice to the people around you and you'll be surprised at how nice the people around you are.

Right now, you are the oldest that you have ever been, and at the same time the youngest that you will ever be again. Take the time to enjoy this moment, its the only chance you'll get.

Some wisdom from Twitter right there. :P


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Assert your intellectual superiority here.

There's no polite way of saying this, so I'm just gonna say it, even though it will make me sound more of a jerk than I already am.

Okay I'll try to sugarcoat it a bit.

People with less knowledge tend to rub it in when they know something someone else doesn't.

Why do I say this? Why even talk about this?

Because its annoying when they do it to me, and I have to be the nice guy and keep quiet.

(Although I may have done some things to annoy them as well.)

When I ask someone something, the all-too common reply would be "Seriously, you don't know?"

Here are some of the replies that run through my head:

"Pssh, no... I just asked so that you would ask me that condescending question which would ultimately make me feel stupider than I did when I asked the question."


"Yeah I don't know, coz well, only uncivilized people would"


In the end, I just bite my tongue and go with the last one. I am seriously trying to be a nice person.

Honestly, when someone asks me something, I just tell them.

I don't ask them stupid condescending questions because I do not expect everyone to know what I know, and neither can I know what everyone knows. No one person can know everything, you know?

And also, I don't want people to feel bad. I do enough of that already.

(even when they should feel bad for not knowing such a basic / general bit of information / knowledge!)

I seriously should get a medal for trying to be a nice person.

Anyways, I've deduced a reasoning for these responses.

The people that say these kinds of things, aren't very clever, they probably have self-esteem issues and will take any opportunity to show how clever they are.

Or they're just mean.

Before you go and call me an jerk, an A-hole, a sunnavabeech and all that, think back.

When you did your studies, or when you're at work, has a Professor / Teacher / Senior colleague / generally someone you consider to be smart or smarter than you, ever asked you that question?

"Excuse me Professor, what is the purpose of life?"

"Dude, like seriously you don't know?!"

Never, right?

Ignore the dude part. Think back. Think really REALLY hard.

If the answer is no, then that proves my point.

If the answer is yes, then ask yourself another question : Was that person an annoying jerk?

If the answer is yes again, then my point is proven again.

If the answer is no, then we agree to disagree.

Even though I'm right. But its cool, I don't mind.

Another reason why I wanted to talk about this, is because, smart people can be asses as well.

I, generally speaking can understand things faster than some people.

Generally speaking. I'm not saying I'm a genius or anything, its just that I feel that I pick up things at a faster rate.

I may or may not remember it afterwards, but at that time, I can understand it.

Call me a show-off, but its true.

To me, sometimes, a seemingly average question about something might sound like a silly question.

And an actually silly question, would immediately kick my sarcasticness to high gear.

It takes every ounce of self-control I have to not be mean at this point.

Example : I was telling people at work about this video I saw on Youtube. It was a video of a modern-day Samurai. He was so badass, that they shot a pellet straight at him, (a wee pellet, the size of a regular bead), and he could cut the pellet in half! I shit you not. Go look for him on Youtube.

So here comes this blurry colleague, asking silly things about the video.

"Diorang tembak dia dari jauh ke dekat?"

"Kenapa orang tembak dia?"

"Kenapa dia nak potong peluru tu?"

Patiently, seeing as how this was an old friend, and I was already aware of how blur she can be sometimes (well not sometimes but most of the time), carefully explained and answered each silly question as calm and as unsarcastically as can be.

But the last question she had was the kicker.

"Oh.... OK OK... so..."

"Siapa yang hebat nye? Orang yang tembak ke orang yang potong peluru tu?"

OMFG, I so wanted to jump off the 19th floor of the Menara HLA at that moment.

All the frustration and pent-up sarcasticness just burst out into an unnaturally loud laughter.

I just laughed out loud and left her before I could say anything.


See, this is what my brain tells me all the time.

And in order to not be alienated, I repress this thought.

It's mean, I know it is. But sometimes I cannot help it.

Sarcasm, in a way, is my brain's compromise. Not too mean, but not too nice either.

At least I take an effort in not being mean. Other people just laugh at silly questions. Or just go sarcastically mean.

There's a difference, being sarcastic and being sarcastically mean. Most people can't tell which from which.

But enough about my brain.

Long story short, as Albert Einstein aptly put it :

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

Every single human being on this planet is superior to someone else in at least one way. And by that basis everyone is also inferior to everyone else in at least one way.

So try not to patronize someone simply because you know something they don't, or you can do something they can't.

Be nice.


Saturday, September 1, 2012


I get now why people are often envious and sabotage others.

Apparently this is a most popular trait among Malays.

Misery loves company. We do not like to be miserable alone.

Humans are practically designed to be selfish. We want the best for ourselves, and we compete with each other for the best.

Whatever it is. Work. Partner. House. Car.

There was this one interview that I went for, down to last two candidates, me and this other guy.

We were anxiously waiting for the results, even 2 months after the final interview.

We kept in touch, me asking him, him asking me whether either one of us got it.

After two months, I just assumed no one actually got it, coz I haven't heard anything, and he didn't tell me anything.

Fast forward 7 months later, I work at the same building I went for that interview previously.

Surprise surprise, who do I bump into? Other guy from the interview.

He could've just freaking told me he got the job. I mean, after all I did ask.

But, he didn't.

So when I bumped into him, I recognized him, and he recognized me, but we both pretended to not know each other.

Have the courtesy to at least tell me, even though I am basically a stranger.

Was I envious? Hell yes at first, but I probably wouldn't have been so pissed if he'd tell me sooner.

So not only was I angry I didn't get the job, I was also angry he didn't have the courtesy to tell me.

Ugh. Human interactions are sometimes.... ugh.

Extremely awkward, always, when I bump into people from that company, and that guy. Especially that guy.

With that arrogant smug on his face. Pfft.

Now its no longer envy, no, envy for me is merely a temporary phase. Normal, I think.

I realize that were I successful in the interview, I would've been a glorified salesperson.

A highly-paid glorified salesman, but a salesman nonetheless.

Now I'm an underpaid graduate engineer, but still an actual engineer.

Overpaid, by the amount of work I'm currently doing, which is nada.

Anyways, point here is, I am not proud to admit, I sometimes do envy the success of others.

Perhaps it stems from the fact that I do not truly feel that I am all that successful.

Does this make me ungrateful to God? God, I hope not.

Its not that I am not grateful, thankful, just that I feel I can achieve more. That I deserve more.

Slightly egoistic, but what the hell. At least I can admit it.

I think some people, scratch that, most people are generally more complacent than me.

They settle for whatever they can get.

I, for one, think that reaching for the stars doesn't make me ungrateful, it just means I dream bigger.

I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for, as John Mayer put it.

But for me its mostly materialistic stuff, rarely on other stuff.

I don't really turn green of envy seeing other people get married.

Seeing them with hot wives, a definite hell yes, but actually getting married, meh.

Which would partially explain why I'm not married yet. Such high standards I have set for myself.

And the ones that have been set for me. But let's not get into that.

I personally think, girls perceive me as the friendly guy, that funny guy friend.

The dreaded friend zone, as 9gag aptly put it.

Well, 9GAG didn't exactly invent the friend zone, I did, but I'm not gonna sue them like Apple sued Samsung.


Moving on.

They don't really see me as boyfriend material, haha, and I can't really blame them.

I act like a total ass sometimes. I know, no need to tell me.

Should I change who I am so that girls will like me?

Haha, maybe I'll make a television series to tell people how I slowly matured and finally met my girlfriend / wife.

How friends around me, even the most unexpected douches have gotten married, but I am still single.

Haha. That would probably take 7 to 8 seasons, and there'd still be no sign of the wife / girlfriend...

This sounds strangely familiar....



Answer : NO.

Reason : I have not banged 200 chicks.

More seriously, AM I TED?!

Ugh, I hope not. I mean, I like red as much as the next guy, but red boots?

Seriously Ted?

Okay that sounded a bit gay.

Back to topic, I think the 3 reasons above (high standards, friendzone, ass) are the reasons why some of my guy friends are still not married.

And I have all three. Terrific.

Maybe I should get rid of one. Maybe the ass part.

Although I have been told to have a nice ass, by a friend of mine. A guy.

Okay that sounded more than a bit gay.

Its not. He's married now.

No, its not with another guy. A girl. Quite cute. Good for him.

Bastard. Lol joke. I love him. Well, not THAT love, the friendly type love.

Moving on before I permanently brand myself gay, strangely I find myself slightly feeling envious when I see good people.

Well not exactly envy, but the faintest of feeling in my heart that says " when am I gonna be like that"?

I think thats probably more along the lines of admiration. Yeah, definitely not envy.

Some people are just too damn nice, and I wonder if I should be more like them.

Main question now is how to motivate myself to actually be a good person, a good Muslim.

Most days when I am not working are spent lounging about doing absolutely nothing.

I'm just lazy. If I didn't have to eat, I probably wouldn't move the whole bloody day.

Fungus would probably be able to grow on my back.

Sloths would probably marvel at how lazy I am.

I mean, at least they move, albeit at a slow pace. Me, stationary.

I'm getting off track. You'd think being stationary, that'd be impossible, but no.

Impossible is nothing for me. See how high my standards are?

Le sigh.

Ranting feels good. Its been awhile since I wrote a proper blog post, hasn't it.

Truth be told, I'm just slightly more conscious now that I know that more people are actually reading this crap I call blogging. Haha.

Well, you came here to read about me, so there you go. Like it, good, we can be friends.

Don't like it, unfriend on FB. I don't care. Muahaha.

Ass. Work in progress.

Till next time, old friend.


Monday, August 13, 2012

Wedding Plan

Sorry for not posting for so long.

I've been swamped with.... God knows what.

Running around, doing a bit of this, a bit of that...

Trying out food here and there...

New shoes, new clothes..

Needless to say, money has been tight this past month.

And probably so for the next few months.

I've been meaning to write about this, just never had the time or the energy.

To be honest, at first I wasn't sure.

But now that its confirmed.....

I never knew weddings could be so stressful.

Luckily work has somewhat slowed down.

Had a presentation last week, somewhat impromptu.

Not my best presentation, but I did good I think.

People understood what I was trying to say, I think.

Okay, okay, I'm stalling.

The date is 1st of September.

No, not next year, next MONTH.

There is going to be a wedding.

Which I am... required to attend.

Obviously I'm required to attend.

If I didn't have to, there wouldn't be a problem.

But that wouldn't be very nice, would it.

The problem is, there's two of them.

Two weddings.

Two of my friends are getting married on the same day.

These are really close friends of mine, at some point in my life.

I'd hate to disappoint either one of them.

The thing is, one is in KL, and the other is in Ipoh.

My mother tells me to choose one.

I'm not gonna do that.

I think I'll go to the KL one, and arrive at the Ipoh one slightly late.

I just have to call him first and tell him, so that he won't be upset or anything.

Yeah, I think that'll work.

That'll be the Wedding Plan.


Sorry if I've mislead you into thinking that I was the one getting married.

Please drop a comment to express your anger, and I shall be sure to send you an invite should I do get married.

Bulan puasa kena bersabar.


Saturday, July 7, 2012

Angels and Demons

It's been more than a month since my last post. Ive been busy at work.

I did write something, but it was too angry for my liking, so I scrapped it.

I'll try and be less angry this time around.

I wrote something about how I'm disliking the current celebrity ustaz fab thats going around.

You see people all over facebook and twitter posting stuff up about the sayings and ceramahs of these ustazs.

But to be honest the only reason people like these people so much is because they're funny.

They make religion sound fun.

Take away the jokes, no one wants to listen to them.

Even with the jokes I don't like listening to them, if I'm being honest.

I don't like how these ustazs, educated, religious folk, look down upon those with less religious knowledge and awareness.

They make fun of people that don't know religion that well. Call them names and stuff.

Bodoh macam kambing was the one I heard.

And the audience laughs with them.

"Haha, memang bodoh macam kambing siapa yang tak tau tu.".

What if the person was never brought up in an Islamic background and wanted to change?

Then people promote to him this ustaz.

"Listen to this Ustaz, he is funny, he is good."

So he listens, and finds himself not knowing these very basic Islamic things.

And is likened to a goat.

Its like telling a kindergartner how stupid he is for not knowing how to read.

He will be completely demoralized, and shall avoid the subject of reading altogether.

No one likes being called stupid, in anything at all.

It's as if these religious folks, these learned scholars of our religion, think that hidayah is found, not received.

It's as if they feel they worked hard to be good, it is all their doing, thus they deserve the right to brag and ridicule people.

And expect the ridiculed to take it all humbly and miraculously change into a devout Muslim.

This is not so. This reminds me of a story I once read about the meeting between Iblis and our Prophet.

He told the Prophet, "I do not have the power to turn people astray. I merely have the ability to persuade them. If I did have the power to turn them astray, then not even one of them will be spared. It is the same with you. You are merely the Messenger, you do not have the power to grant hidayah. If you did, then you would save everyone."

Only God can decide who leads the righteous path and who does not.

So with this in mind, how can any man woman or child, be proud and boast of his or her amalan?

You would be guzzling down beer and fornicating like bunnies if not for God's mercy.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you, He just so happens to be in a good mood and wants to spare you from his fiery hells.

Loosely speaking, of course.

I'll be honest, when people ask me to go for these ceramahs, I try my best to find excuses not to go.

Not because I am so lacking in religious knowledge and would be offended, I think I know the ABCs of Islam.

Its because I cannot bring myself to learn from these people.

I can almost hear the arrogance in their voices.

That feeling of superiority over others, that 'holier-than-thou' attitude, travels much faster, and much deeper than what they're actually saying.

A teacher should not impose his or her superiority to his or her students.

A teacher should earnestly, sincerely want to pass on their knowledge.

To help others, not to brag.

You cannot tell me that you have never felt this

That you have never felt that someone is trying to show off.

Or that someone is sincerely trying to teach you something.

I think I should stop here before it turns into an angry post again.

Just in case someone misunderstood what I meant in this post, this does not mean that I feel that I am better than these ulama'.

By all means no, I am very much lacking in both knowledge and amalan.

I am merely saying that a little humility won't hurt.

After all, what are we if not slaves to Him.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Random anecdotes.

its a funny thing, life.

it surprises you in ways you can't really imagine.

like how a couple of weeks back, someone said the most random thing to me in an elevator.

i was going back home, and was already in the elevator when I saw a guard rushing out of the office.

i guess its our building's policy for the guard to like patrol every floor at night time, every few hours or so.

i've seen this guard a number of times before, but never really had anything to talk about with him.

so anyways, clearly he was trying to get into the same elevator as me (so that he wouldn't have to wait) so i held it open for him.

he seemed thankful when he entered the elevator, so i simply smiled.

"balik ke dik?", he said, trying to strike up a conversation.

"aah.", i replied, not able to come up with anything more.


"hari ni saya ada hal sikit, jadi kena balik awal", i added, trying to sound friendly.

despite the time being already 8pm, he didn't say anything of it.

i guess he was used to seeing people from this floor going home late.

what he said next came out of nowhere.

"sebab saya tengok awak ni, macam personaliti tv al-hijrah.."

"haha ye ke" (the laugh was a lot louder than is potrayed)

"haah... jadi awak kerja dulu, kumpul contact.. lepas tu bukak bisnes", he continued.

the lift was already at ground floor.

"erm boleh lah, tunggu 2 3 tahun saya kerja dulu, haha", i said before exiting the elevator.

Guards say the darndest things.

what on earth compelled him to say that, i will probably never know.

he must've been watching for a time, suggested a colleague.

never mind, its really not that important.

i shall keep you guys posted in case a career change is imminent.

the other day, as per the usual, i went out for movies with my colleagues on wednesday night.

we do this every week, you see.

its kinda like a tradition now, we've been doing it since january, at least.

(fyi any of you guys wanna join, you can just let me know, email me or whatever)

So last week's movie was a chick flick : what to expect when you're expecting.

we don't normally go for this type of movies, but that's the only one we haven't watched, so chick flick it is.

my conclusion from that movie is that pregnant women are scary.

they're emotional, mean as hell, cranky all the time, they pee anytime they like, and here's the extremely fun part :

the husband has to be nice to be her no matter what.

it was also my conclusion that i am not ready for marriage yet.

true, it is a movie, its mostly exaggerated to make it a comedy, but still, there is still some truth to it all.

i thought to myself, i am not ready to be a husband just yet, i am far too selfish to be one.

let alone a father.

but life, always has something up his sleeve.

the next day, i went to work as usual, went for lunch like i normally do with my colleagues.

what was abnormal was what transpired after lunch.

i was checking my facebook, when i saw a message notification.

it was a girl.

i didn't recognize the name.

"salam. hi there. did you just have lunch at wisma cosway just now?"

I went from -_- to O_O.

"OMG am i being stalked?! sedikit cuak", I tweeted.

(high 5 to anyone that read that one.)

"wassalam. yes. sorry but who are you?"

"Im no one that you know except that i always bumped into you walking nearby my office. sorry to bother"

ok stalker alert.

long story short, after some digging and stalking of my own, i found out that she has been doing this with a number of people.

i guess she is desperate. or a very agressive yet picky girl. or just likes the thrill of chatting up guys.

i will probably never know, coz after a while i stopped replying to her messages.

here i was thinking "im not ready to be a husband" and along came life and said "oh no you're not gonna give up that easily. here, have a girl".

to be honest, aggressive girls are refreshing. a nice change from all the "im pretty, so call me maybe?" type of girl.

Maybe..... not.

Its actually pretty comfortable being single.

i have no obligations, my work keeps me busy, and on the weekends i normally stay at home and play computer games. and on alternate weekends i balik kampung and see my parents.

life is good, life is simple.

but my parents want to see me get married.

they've been dropping hints so often its no longer subtle.

maybe i should REALLY get off my lazy bum and find them a daughter-in-law.

i know i said i was going to, but i haven't really done anything to actually expedite the process.

i feel like i owe it to them, seeing as how they want it so bad.

hmm.. much to think about....

much to think about.

in the meantime, lets play some Skyrim... lol. joke.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Sorry, conflicting egos.

A bit of drama in the office at the moment.

Someone isn't exactly on speaking terms with me right now.

And there's a girl involved.

It all started when this very pretty girl started working here.

Like moths to a flame in the night, all the guys immediately took notice and flocked towards her.

(As usual, disclaimer : She's a nice girl and all, but no, I didn't try anything.)

There's this one particular guy, lets call him Mr Satellite.

The nickname comes from his movement pattern being somewhat similar to the orbit of the Moon, circling around the Earth.

The Earth being her.

She is his world.

Okay exaggeration, but you get the idea.

He's not the most subtle suitor, to be honest.

He comes around every day to her place, makes idle conversation, (my place is quite close to hers btw), chats with the people around her to not make it look so obvious, then slowly (but surely) ends up talking with her.

10 points for effort.

Me and this girl, we chit chat every now and then, so at one point in time, I guessed that he guessed that Im trying to woo her as well. (Guesseption)

Well, not really a guess, i know he thinks im trying for her, because he indirectly asked me.

To which I told him, I'm rooting for him actually.

Which made him more pumped up, seeing me out of the picture.

I don't what is it with guys seeing me as such a threat, I'm as harmless as a guinea pig.

Albeit a very devious guinea pig.

To be honest, I just wanted to see how far he would get.

It was gonna be a social experiment of sorts.

He was the guinea pig.

I know, I'm evil, but that didn't mean I was all out against him.

I really did pray for him when he asked me.

Even though at the time I thought of how lame it was to ask me to pray for him and her, I prayed for him earnestly nonetheless.

Recently, something happened.

He suddenly stopped coming to her place anymore.

No more daily visits, no more chit chats with absolute strangers near her, not even a peep.

I figured something must have happened between him and her.

Subtlety not being my strong suit as well, I asked her.

No comment, she said.

Something must've happened, but she's not telling.

If he's only avoiding her, that's understandable, if you've been rejected by a girl, the last thing you want is to face her everyday.

But why is he avoiding me too?

Sure, I may have made a joke or two with my friends about the ridiculously sappy things he said to me with regards to this girl, but he doesn't know that.

Or does he? Hmm.

Even so, I'd like to think that that wouldn't warrant a total halt of social interactions with me.

He used to bug me almost every day up to a point I was annoyed someone was bugging my me-time, and it was a dude. -_-"

Now, nothing, except for the nonchalant 'hey's when we pass each other in the office.

In all honesty, I feel bad for indirectly talking him into it and using him as a guinea pig.

'It' here  being whatever it is that he did that resulted in this awkward atmosphere.

Never meant for his feelings to get hurt.

But then again, he was gonna do it anyways, I was just indirectly speeding up the process.

The guinea pig thing though, yeah that was pure evil on my part.

My hypothesis was that if a guy (guy being "any" guy) tried hard enough, any girl would be attainable. Because sometimes I see that girls are like so easy.

Well, I got my answer.


The things I write are based on my observation, from my point of view, therefore all of this may just be inside my head.

For all I know he could just be very busy this week.

And last week.

And found a new path through the office that doesn't require him to pass by her every day.

But what do I know.

To be honest I haven't given this much thought, I have been too busy with work.

However, I do know for a fact that most men have ego the size of mountains.

We will never admit that we are hurt, or that we are weak, or even that we have failed.

We just keep quiet and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Which is what I'm seeing now.

In my humblest of opinions, one of the reasons why I think I've matured as a person is that I no longer feel the need to constantly give in to my ego.

I am willing to admit that I make mistakes, I am willing to admit that I'm not perfect, and in its simplest form, being able to say sorry.

You know that song "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Elton John?

Ironic how its when I CAN say I'm sorry that I'm able to truly understand what the song means.

Which brings me to the title of this particular post, and the story that came to mind when I first thought of it.

Once upon a time, Iblis Laknatullah met Musa Alaihissalam.

Iblis said to Prophet Musa " I wish to repent. Please ask God for my forgiveness."

One of Prophet Musa's unique 'miracles' was that he could speak to God directly.

So when he was conversing with God, he relayed the message of Iblis.

To which God replied that all he has to do to be forgiven is to bow at the grave of Prophet Adam Alaihissalam.

Iblis refused, saying that if he refused to bow down to Adam even when Adam was alive and in his prime, he most definitely won't do so when he is dead, a mere shadow of his former self.

This is where ego rears its ugly head. This is what all egoistic men, myself included should try to remember when feeding our egos.

He would rather spend eternity in damnation than bruise his ego and bow down to Adam.

That is how big an ego can get, and by the looks of it, his is one of the biggest.

Because lets be honest, is it worth it?

It is a tricky thing. God knows best.

May God always guide us in fighting our worst enemy.



Sunday, April 1, 2012

Remember to be grateful

This is my first time blogging from my phone, and you know what a pain typing on the phone is, so this'll probably be a very short post.

I love the feeling of being at home. A home is not necessarily the place you stay in. Example, you may be staying at a dorm or an apartment, but that may not be your home. Home, as they say, is where the heart is. The house you're staying in may not be entirely comfortable, or you may not even be indoors, on a bus or a train perhaps, you'd still feel at home.

I suddenly lost track of what I wanted to write about. Sigh. It takes TOO long for me to write anything on this phone. Haha. I guess I just wanted to say it feels good being home in Ipoh.

An old friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer recently. He didn't exactly tell me, we're not exactly that close, but I saw it on Facebook. What astonishes me is his attitude, how positive he is about the whole thing. His Facebook page shows absolutely no hint of sadness or depression, in fact the only thing I saw that told me he has cancer was a comment from him to a friend, informing the friend he has cancer.

What really tugged on my heartstrings (not sure if I'm using this phrase correctly) was a status update of his recently. See, he is undergoing chemo, and from what I understand, chemo is simply put, the doctor injecting poison into your body in order to kill the cancer cells. Problem is, the poison won't exactly differentiate from cancer cells and normal healthy cells, so one of the side effects is hair loss.

One of his recent status updates sounded a bit like this :

"Bangun2 pagi tadi, tengok2 kening aku dah takde. Hahahaha."

Its sad.

It is.

But he hides it well.

And we post up things like "Kill me now" or I wanna die", simply because we're short of money, or we had a bad breakup.

This person is struggling for his life, and manages to even joke about it.

We should be grateful to God for all that we have, for there is so much of it, too much even.

We should even be grateful for the things we don't have.

Never forget Him, whether in good or bad times, He is all that you really have.

My father once said something very insightful.

"Sekiranya Allah itu lupa pada kamu, maka ertinya kamu tak ada dalam ilmu Allah.

Kalau lah Allah tu lupa pada kamu 5 minit sekalipun, kamu akan hilang dari kewujudan.

Dalam 5 minit tu, mak kamu akan cakap, "Aku ada anak laki sorang, tapi aku tak tahu siapa dia".

Isteri kamu akan cakap, "Aku ada suami, tapi aku tak tahu siapa dia"

Kerana, sekiranya tak ada dalam ilmu Allah, mustahil ada dalam ilmu makhluk.

Jadi, persoalannya sekarang ini, daripada kamu lahir sampai lah sekarang, pernah tak sesaat pun Allah Taala lupa pada kamu?

Tetapi, daripada kamu lahir sampailah sekarang ni, berapa lama kamu ingat Allah?"

Remember, never forget.


(written on Motorola Razr Droid, lol)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Impossibly Thin Progress

It has been a very interesting week.

We have reached the end of the first.

The first quarter of 2012, that is.

So far I've crossed 3 out of 4 of my 2012 wishlist.

Thanks to new company benefits, my new spectacles are sponsored by Aker Solutions.

(Although I would've bought them with or without the benefits... haha)

A friend suggested I post pictures of the new spectacles.

I'm just not good with taking pictures. Maybe some other time. haha.

I've gone for the 10 day suluk thing. Which is interesting. I learned alot.

And, I just bought my new handphone. Oh yeah...

Its the Motorola Droid Razr.

I now declare myself, supernerd.

I now carry a portable computer everywhere I go.

So not only do I sit in front of the computer at work and at home, I also bring a computer everywhere I go.

The next step would be to assimilate with a computer and become a cyborg.


Anyways, it just goes to show that if you set your mind to it, you can achieve anything.

All thats left for this year's wishlist is the car. I predict by the end of the year.

Coz its gonna take awhile to collect the downpayment, and I still need to assess my finances.

As for my resolutions, I'm smiling more. :)

I smile at strangers too. I also initiate smiles, instead of waiting for people to smile at me first. If that makes sense.

I also smile on my own more often I think. lol.

The other resolutions, still no visible difference. haha.

Oh but there is this girl at the office that appears to be interested in me.

I think it has something to do with my spectacles. hoho.

Because I've seen her before this, and she me, but she never seemed to be interested.

Until the day I started wearing the new spectacles.


Setakat ni dia dah kirim salam 3 kali and dah PM dekat Communicator.

Berani giler.

If I had her courage, I'd have 4 wives already.

5 if I could get away with it.

I guess that's why God didn't give me courage in that department. hahaha.

Before I knew her name, I nicknamed her 'budak mata besar'.

Because she wears these contacts that make her eyes look big.

Anime big.

And in real life, animes aren't cute. They are scary.

So... when this girl stares at me with her ridiculously big eyes...

Scaaaryy.... Maka malas layan.

On a somewhat related note, my cousin got married this weekend.

Congratulations to him and his new wife.

Next in line is...

Entah siapa entah.

On an unrelated note, I found out that one of my uncles reads my blog.

Amazing how many people know about this blog.

And here I thought I was writing all this stuff for my own reading only.

I dedicate this picture to my uncle. Because thats him in this picture. hahaha.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Set-Up part 2

Its already Sunday.

Late that morning, I woke up, worried.

Worried I had overslept.

The night before, I hadn't had proper sleep.

Well, actually the morning before.

I slept after Subuh.

Guests that came for the reunion / tahlil arwah only left minutes before Subuh.

I stayed up (for the most part), to keep my father company.

The girl was nearby, but not yet at my house.

She was lured to my neighbourhood under the pretense that her parents wanted to clean up their piece of land here.

Which is the empty piece of land next to my house.

(I know right, tak susah nak pikir balik kampung siapa.)

I woke up, finding that my mother had already begun sneaking a peek at her potential daughter-in-law, from my grandmother's room.

I didn't see why I should miss out on all the fun.

With the sleep still in my eyes, I couldn't really make out what she looked like.

Or if it was actually her I was looking at.

I may have accidentally checked-out her mother.

Before long, they came to our house.

This was when I started getting nervous. Again.

The fact that I still had not bathed might have had something to do with it.

My mother, upon seeing how 'unpresentable' her son was, told me to quickly wash up a bit.

No one looks good after only 4 hours of morning sleep.

I was nowhere near my regular good-looks.

Double the nervousness.

Me and my brother started practicing our stress-relieving exercise.

Jump up and down for no reason.

It did little to help.

"I wish you hadn't told me about this", I told my mother.

"Dah2, siap2, pergi tunjuk muka sikit, tangkap gambar benda yang ayah suruh tangkap semalam tu", replied my mother.

Deep breaths.

Fuh. Fuh. Fuh.

"Abang, salam dengan kawan mak dekat ofis, Pakcik Aragorn", said my mother.

It was then I saw her.

And she saw me.

It was only a split-second that I looked her way, nervous as I was, but it was enough.

She was wearing a very labuh pink tudung.

Very fair skin. Almost glowing even.

Her face was bujur sireh, as the Malays would say it.

The eyes were not the regular dark brown, what colour, I could not say.

Radiating a sense of warmth, she did not seem at all nervous.

I liked what I saw. XP

Passing in front of her, I went to shake hands with her father.

I refrained myself from kissing his hands, to avoid being seen as overeager.

I quickly retreated to the kitchen, and eavesdropped on their conversations.

It was while eavesdropping that I discovered a horrible truth.

*Imaginary forehead smack

I was checking out her older sister.

Apparently sitting on that sofa, in between the older sister and the mother, (whom I saw both), was the actual intended (whom was under an invisibility cloak).

Epic fail.

Oh well, at least no one knew.

(Note to self : delete blog tomorrow.)

So they went on and chatted and chatted, while I chatted with my brother in the kitchen about unrelated stuff.

When they were about to leave, my father called me to do something, but it was mainly to force me to show my face again.

Eyes fixed on the proper location this time (and hopefully on the correct person), I saw her.

She was not looking at me.

She was wearing a black tudung, labuh, similar size to her sister's.

She seemed distant. Perhaps shy, or afraid, or unhappy.

I didn't really get a good vibe.

It was after they had left that I told my parents she seemed disinterested to me.

I also remarked that her sister seemed happy to see me.

My father then explained that the elder sister had already came to the house a few times with the parents.

So if she seemed more relaxed, it was probably due to familiarity.

And that's about it actually.

My father did not force me into anything, he said it was still up to me.

I was told that if I wanted to get to know her better, I could only do it through Facebook.

She comes from a very religiously strict family.

Despite contradicting with my own ways, I still have to respect their way of doing things.

I added her on Facebook a few hours ago. So far no response.

From what I can decipher, my father doesn't necessarily want me to marry this particular girl, however, it would not be an exaggeration to say that even my father wants to see me get married soon.

I think this is his way of saying "Get off your bum and find me a daughter-in-law".


Challenge. Accepted.


Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Set-Up part 1

It was an ordinary weekend. With an unexpected twist.

I went back to my hometown on Saturday.

There was a small gathering of my father's close friends, most of which know me as well.

They all came to Ipoh for the tahlil arwah of their religious teacher, that passed away a few weeks ago.

I didn't personally knew him, but I've heard only good things.

Apart from that, I wanted to get my new spectacles. Yeay.

(but unfortunately, the optometrist overpowered the spectacles, so it had to be redone.)

My brother was home as well, him on his 1st semester break.

Upon arriving from the barely 2 hours trip from KL, I had a bit of a chat with the family.

Discussing stuffs like my cousin's wedding plan, my father's health and my upcoming trip to Indonesia.

Little did I know that another 'plan' was concocted, and from the unlikeliest of plotters.

I was casually telling my parents, that I was going back to KL early tomorrow (Sunday) morning, when my father blurted out.

"Abang tak boleh balik esok pagi!."



There was no immediate answer from my father, but a nervous laughter came from my mother.

"Ayah la ni,.. pandai-pandai."

Oh boy. I can sense where this is going.

"Hmm?", I said, trying to pry out the truth.

"Kawan ayah Aragorn (bukan nama sebenar) datang esok pagi..."

And then it came out.

"... datang bawak anak dia".


Oh dear sweet mother of heavens, I'm being set up by my father.


He goes on to explain that it was the mother of the girl's incessant complains about none of her children being married, she being worried etc2.

So he asks for my father's help in looking for a nice boy for her daughter, and my father, not knowing that many 20+ year old boys, suggested...


She's a final year medic student, studying in Australia.



(nervous laughter)

I said nothing.

But my brain was processing information at maximum capacity.

My body was present, but my mind was in the future. (back to the future moment)

The fact that it was my father, not my mother that arranged this, meant something.

The tone in which my father explained the situation told made it sound as if he had no hand in this, that he was merely trying to soothe his friend's worries.

Somehow I know better.

I was not at all against the idea.

The way I see it, if my parents already approve of it, then the choice would be up to me.

As compared to if the girl was my choice, I still had to get the approval of my parents.

I had the upper hand here.

Questions then popped into my head.

What is this girl like?

Would this actually lead to something?

How early do my parents want me to get married?

How would I actually interact with this girl?

Is this IT?

To be continued.

Saturday, January 7, 2012


Every time I try to write about something, half way, I feel like its something stupid to write about and stop.

But whenever I do really write something, it often does come out sounding stupid.

Its silly, how I find the need to sound smart.

I feel bad if I feel stupid or look stupid.

Is that something normal?

Why do I have the need to be smart or clever?

When in fact, the wisest of people know that "all I know is that I know nothing" (Socrates).

Is it wrong to be stupid? Perhaps we dislike the feeling of being looked down upon.

Some people find it very hard to be humble, myself included.

I constantly remind myself that I have nothing to be arrogant about, save my foolishness.

So far its working.

A senior engineer at my workplace says that his New Year's ambition is to be the same, to maintain being friendly and not be arrogant.

He is a very nice guy, despite his vast experience he is very friendly, even with graduate engineers like me.

Some people on the other hand, have arrogance written all over their faces.

Do these people not know that people can sense their condescending tone / look ?

I once had a chat with a chap about 5 years older than me, and he was asking me about my study background, my work.

So I told him I was working for an oil and gas consultancy company.

I detected the hint of condescension when he says he's never heard of the company. But I ignored.

I then tell him what sort of work I do.

He actually has the balls to ask me whether this is actually related to what I studied.

"Ada related ke? Because saya dulu pun belajar chemical engineering jugak."

Granted, the current type of work I'm doing isn't pure Chemical Engineering stuff, but to actually ask whether my work has any relation to Chemical Engineering is like asking a surgeon if his job is at all related to medicine.

Then he goes on to mention new technologies in the field of safety (fyi, my field) like the non-static boots or something, and that I should consider this when doing my work.

Its like telling David Beckham what kind of ball he should use on the field.

Again, granted, I'm no David Beckham, but he hasn't got a clue what I do, and he's trying to show he knows stuff.

Ugh. Obnoxious wanker.

In the beginning I wasn't even talking to him, I was talking to someone else, and he suddenly comes in and bombards me with all these questions.

As if I was at his house, asking his permission to marry his daughter.

Luckily shortly after that he had to leave.

Please tell me if I'm ever like that. Thanks.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Baby Leaps.

My previous attempts to write a post have failed due to my inability to stay focused on one thing for a long time, thus I shall keep this one relatively short.


I had previously attempted to write about the highlights of my 2011, however I found it to be too long and, while writing, I got bored.

Anyways, lets not dwell too long on the past, and look to the future. Nothing can be done to change what is done.

Things I'm looking forward to.

I am looking forward to get a new pair of spectacles. My current ones are somewhat seasoned, due to my reckless nature, despite being only two years old.

I am also looking forward to going for suluk. What is suluk? When asked, I tell people its sort of a religious camp. Thats the simplest way to put it anyway. Its a 10-day thing, at least the one I'm going to.

Why go for suluk? Simply because, despite all the sins I've committed, am committing and bound to commit, there's still that tiny bit of me that wants to do good. And I indulge the good side of me for 10 days. haha.

I want a new handphone too. You know your phone's outdated when you can't touch the screen. Sigh.

Oooh! Grand finale. I want to buy a car. Or a house. I can't afford both. Actually at this current moment, I can't even afford one, so here's hoping for a big fat raise.

Whether I choose one or the other depends on this year's developments.

That's about it, my wishlist for 2012.


I made a list, because there was this contest at the office for New Year's resolutions. I didn't win. huhu. Probably because I sent mine too late.

Here it is :

1. To smile more. :)
2. To procrastinate less. (i.e: This email)
3. To spend more time with friends and family (before labelled 'antisocial')
4. To get a girlfriend (before my mother starts pestering me)
5. To be the best person I can be.

I forgot one. Guess its not that important.

To be honest, I really feel that 2011 has made me more mature. I feel as if I've really grown up. And grown sideways. hehe.

I'm trying to gain weight, coz my father says I'm too thin. But not to worry, I'm exercising more as well.

No, I have not gone jogging as initially planned, but I do take the stairs sometimes.

And when your office is on the 19th floor, that's saying something.

I've bought a skipping rope. Really good exercise. For now I do about 20-30 skips per go, before I run out of breath.

The first time I did it, I did 10 and ran out of breath. My face was as pale as that shiny vampire.

Baby steps.

One small step for mankind, one giant leap for me.