It has been a good year.
I have done a lot of soul searching, and I think I've made some progress. It simply started out as my very general initiative of being a better person. As I walked around KL, as I drove back and forth from home to work, I would often find myself thinking about all my traits, both good and bad.
I would reflect on the things that I've done the day before, my interactions with the people around me, how people around me brought themselves about, and how I could benefit from all these observations. Most of the time I could see how I reacted wrongly, what I should have done instead, or if others did something that resulted in something undesirable, I would take note of that and try to avoid doing it myself.
But then it progressed. I wondered if anyone out there in this world actually did what I did. I wondered if anyone else out there took the time to retrace their steps in an attempt to be a better person. Why do I need to do this? I am doubtful that most of the people I know do this. So why? What is the purpose? What is the purpose of my life? Is it to be socially acceptable? Do I really need to conform to the standards of society?
What is the meaning of life? Or more specifically, my life?
Yes, I know by this point all the religious folks would say "to serve God". We are put on this Earth to pray to Him, bow down to Him, do as He commands, stay away from what He forbids.
That is far too general. I want specifics.
I do not believe that I am put on this Earth merely to live out my insignificant life and then die and then hope I "pass the test", so to speak. In my heart of hearts, I do not believe that I am put on this Earth, just to wake up every morning, do my prayers, go to work, come back from work, eat, drink, rest, sleep and wake back up and repeat this cycle until I die.
I simply cannot believe it to be true.
I look at people and I see how some of them are so complacent, so docile, and yet I find myself at times so agitated, never being able to sit still in one place, and I know that I am not the same. Its as if my very soul is waiting for something to happen.
This is not to say that most people are wasting their lives, perhaps that is the path that God intended for them, and that is the best for them. It is most certainly a lot easier, to be able to come to terms with yourself.
I pass by random people by the street, strangers in shopping malls, and I would look at their faces, sometimes happy, sometimes appearing sad, sometimes expressionless, and I would wonder to myself, do these people wonder the way I do, are these people looking for something as I am looking for something or are they already perfectly content with their lives.
I am searching for the reason of my existence.
I am searching for something. Or perhaps someone.
As romantic as that may have sounded in your head, its not. Or if you prefer it that way, why not. I am merely suggesting that the key to finding the answer may be in a form of an event, or an object, or even a person.
At one point, I was so eager, so excited, that I forget, I am still young. My life is still laid in front of me. The answer does not have to come right this very instant. Some people go through their whole lives looking for the answer, and some don't even succeed, so I should take things as they come, and not in a rushed manner.
Sometimes, I see these passive people around me, and just being around them annoys me. LOL. I am not known for my pro-activeness, that much is certain, but when I'm in that "excited state", the presence of these people irritates me. The sound of their voice, the way they walk, dragging their heavy feet across the floor one step after the other, is like nails on chalkboard.
But if everyone was like me, we'd have so much more wars and the world would really end by December 2012 because we'd have blown the entire planet to bits and pieces.
I have my faults. I'm slowly learning to fix them, or at least minimize them as much as God would allow me.
Life has calmed down. I have learned to make peace with myself and my surroundings. What goes around comes around. Be nice to the people around you and you'll be surprised at how nice the people around you are.
Right now, you are the oldest that you have ever been, and at the same time the youngest that you will ever be again. Take the time to enjoy this moment, its the only chance you'll get.
Some wisdom from Twitter right there. :P