Stress-induced stupidity

People say that everything happens for a reason. Problem is, you don't know what the reason is. And worse, you may see why things need to happen the way they do, but that doesn't mean you like it. It's hard to be rational when 'bad' things happen to you.

One way of looking at things is to acknowledge that God knows what's best for you. What might seem as a bad thing could prove to be a good thing in the long run, or prevent worse things from happening.

But sometimes you get so caught up with the bad things, you can't cheer yourself up even when you try to think positively. You get caught in this never-ending cycle of sadness and misery. I suppose that's what you call depression.

It's scary. Sometimes you just know if you keep having the same thoughts over and over again, you'll be stuck in that sadness and you can't be happy again and you won't be able to function normally again.

It helps to have a distraction. Friends, family, hobbies. Even if you don't feel like it, you must do it. Especially so if you start feeling like the things you normally enjoy doing are no longer fun.

When you're depressed, you always think about the negatives, you can't think of a single positive thing. But if you distract your mind from the sadness, sooner or later you will see the positive side or at least learn to cope with the sadness.

I've been forced to deal with certain events that have caused me a great deal of sorrow and stress, and I feel that after overcoming the unwanted feelings, I have a greater appreciation for my normal everyday life.

My boring routine life might not be as exciting as other people's lives, but at the very least life is easy and relatively stress-free.

I now have this tendency of loathing what I write, which is why I haven't updated this blog in awhile. I'd write something I think is worth writing, but when I finish and read it, I'd feel like yuck what is this nonsense.

The purpose of this post is to kinda like help people that are stressed out get unstressed, but now that I've sort of finished, I feel like it's such a stupid post. Haha.

To be fair, when I started writing this post few weeks ago, I was still stressed, so I connected with what I wrote, but now, the words don't really talk to me anymore.

I'm a private person, I generally don't publicize my thoughts and feelings. And when I write something here, I feel exposed and vulnerable. Somewhat embarrassed.

Which is why I don't share this blog with people. If I happen to write something absolutely stupid, no one will know. And I do a lot of stupid things when I'm alone.

Example of a stupid thing is posting something online and expecting it to remain private. Pfft.

Right now I would say I'm not longer stressed out, but I no longer have the motivation to work.

It's stupid, I know, I should count my blessings that I still have a job in these troubled times, but ah, humans, we're never really happy with what we have, are we?

The grass is always greener on the other side. Even though here in the Middle East it's probably artificial grass. Lol.

Sometimes it feels like life is so difficult, you can't help but wonder why does it need to be so difficult and when will things start getting better.

But nothing in life worth having comes easy and it is that difficult path that will make success taste all the more sweeter.

Here's to toughing it out through trying times, and learning to appreciate whatever joy there is to have.

Peace.

incoherent thoughts

it feels good to be home. to be with family.

i don't want to stay there for too long.

not because i don't like it.

i'm afraid i might like it too much.

and not want to leave.

must sort out priorities.

i should not be having too much fun.

life is not all about what I want.


gosh i should probably prep myself for this whole settling down thing.

made very little progress there i believe.

but there is progress.

maybe the stars will align and everything will be smooth-sailing, so to speak.

we'll see.


i'm glad i made that leap.

i've changed.

for the better i hope.

there's plenty more work to be done.

but i feel like i'm a better person now.

this is not the ego talking.

apparently there is such a thing as being confident, and humble at the same time.

its called being truthful, to yourself, and to others.


i must learn to see others in a better light, instead of assuming the worst.

not everyone is as bad as you paint them to be, only misunderstood.


peace.

Funny

Now that I've overcome my post balik-kampung depression (yes, that's an actual thing), I shall now be more cheerful in my writing.

...

...

Oh dear, this is difficult. I had no idea I am such a downer.

Let's see. Happy stuff.

Erm...

Well...

For starters, we're still alive.

So that's good. Yeah.

Ok that was lame.

I never have anything really interesting to say unless it's something very serious and technical / sciency or whatever.

But those things are the things that interest me. So I consider them interesting.

Sometimes it's true, ignorance is bliss.

I consider myself educated.

And when I see people being ignorant or prejudiced, it just irks me so.

And I go start an online argument trying to educate people using facts, logic and sense.

Which is pretty funny when you think about it.

Not 'haha' type of funny, like 'what the hell was he thinking' type of funny.

As if people on the Internet actually used common sense. Haha.

Back when I was younger, I thought all jokes applied to all people.

So I once told a dirty joke to a couple of girls.

They were not impressed. And there I was thinking why aren't they laughing. Lol.

It got really awkward after that.

I am generally a bit awkward when it comes to social interactions.

But as you grow older, you learn to hide the awkwardness.

And you become more confident.

I remember there was one time I met some friends of a friend of mine.

"This is Yasin," my friend introduced me.

And one girl, being a real extrovert I suppose, blurted out, "Uu, handsome."

I was totally caught off-guard by this comment.

"Err... OK," I said, all cool-like. (No, not cool at all.)

"I'm pretty," she said without blinking.

"WTF this girl is super confident of herself! Am I supposed to compliment you now? Is this how this works? I am so confused!" I said to myself internally.

During this internal conversation, I just froze and stared at this girl for a few seconds.

Luckily, the conversation moved on from the very strange first words and my friend and I sat down somewhere else.

It was later in the day that I found out that the girl's name was Priti.

OMG EPIC FAIL.

Like how the heck was I supposed to know that was her name. I blame her for throwing me off with that handsome comment. I'm sure she was just trying to be nice.

And I blame her parents for naming her with an adjective. Hahaha.

Oh well.

I'm trying to become a more supportive person.

Sometimes being completely honest with people may not be the best policy.

Things I've learnt in the past:

If anyone asks whether a baby is cute or not, always say "OMG SO CUTE!"

Never say "I thought Benjamin Button was fictitious."

(Obviously, I'm not that stupid, but I did say the baby looked like an adult or something.)

Okay maybe sometimes I am stupid.

Whenever a girl complains about her life to you, the proper response would be to nod and say "I completely agree."

The wrong thing to do would be to come up with a logical plan to actually solve her problem.

Coz then you'd get into an argument because girls are irrational and hormonal and when they tell you something they're not really looking for an answer / solution, they just want you to be supportive of them even when they're wrong.

And also never say they're being irrational or hormonal coz that would lead to another argument about how men always demean and condescend women to pure hormonal / emotional creatures when they are totally capable of separating emotion and thought even though that's not really true.

I'd go on and on about this, but key point, agree and nod, you'll be fine.

You don't have to be right all the time.

To support someone when he's right is easy. To support him when he's wrong, that's the true test.

Sometimes we do stupid things for people we care about.

But it'd be stupider not to do the stupid things.

Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

Peace.

Bewilderment.

it's weird.

the roads that were all too familiar before.

feels foreign now.

all that's left is that distant memory.

i used to live here.

i drove on this road almost everyday.

now i don't drive.

and i live somewhere else.

don't get me wrong.

i like it here.

very much so.

but there's no place like home.

of course, no one's forced me to come here.

i came here because i wanted to know.

i wanted to see.

i wanted to hear.

i wanted to feel.

and now i do.

i know things i couldn't have possibly known before.

i've seen things i probably wouldn't have had the chance previously.

i used to hear people talk, now i'm telling the stories.

and i feel a myriad of emotions.

things i'd never thought i'd feel.

when you pack up your life and leave for a distant foreign land to start fresh, you'd surprise yourself.

i wanted to push myself outside my comfort zone, and i managed to do so exceptionally well.

when i first got here, i've never felt so lost, so out of place.

i felt like buying the first ticket back home.

when i arrived it was night time, so i couldn't see much.

i remember waking up the morning after in my hotel room.

it was then when it hit me.

i'm thousands of miles away from anywhere i've ever been.

i'm thousands of miles away from anyone i've ever known.

i've never even travelled alone outside the country..

but i decided to jump on a plane and move to God knows where and live there.

took a couple of hours for me to really process the whole situation.

i remember taking a peek through the curtains out the window.

i saw some cars parked behind the hotel, and presumably a Pakistani man (from his clothing) going about his business.

i don't know what i expected to see.

probably was looking for some semblance of similarity in an otherwise alien location.

people always see the glitz and glamour of living abroad.

the selfies with iconic landmarks in the background.

the high-roller lifestyle you're supposedly living.

social media is not so different from mainstream media.

it is merely a portrayal of what the producer wants you to see.

what you don't see is the loneliness of being far from anyone you've held dear.

the struggles of trying to fit in into a different culture / way of thinking.

this huge gamble you've made on the course of your life.

but i'd say it's a risk worth taking.

once in a lifetime opportunity.

i took it. and it paid off.

and now i'm looking for my next adventure. haha.

we shall see where life takes us.

anything outside your normal routine is an adventure that will lead you to new and exciting discoveries.

you just need to take that first step.

peace.

Let The Days

Let the days go as they please
And be optimistic when destiny decrees
Do not despair due to the events of nights past
For the events of this world were not meant to last

And be a man who, in the face of fear is strong
With loyalty and forbearance adorned
And if your mistakes are many amongst the folk
And you wish to have for those mistakes a cloak

Then conceal them with generosity as hence
Every fault is covered as –  is said- by benevolence
And do not show weakness to an enemy
For dispersion of foes is a calamity

Generosity cannot be hoped from the miserly
For no water exists in the Fire for the thirsty
And your rizq will not decrease though late it may arrive
And it will not increase though one may slave and strive

No sadness lasts forever, nor any felicity
Nor any state of poverty or one of luxury
If you are the owner of a heart that is content
Then you and the owner of the world are equivalent

And for him upon whose horizon death descends,
No earth can offer him protection, nor any sky defend
The earth of Allah is certainly vast and infinite
But if decree descends, then all the sky constricts

Let the days betray every once in a while
For there is no medicine that will protect from death

A poem by Imam Shafi'e
[Translation by Ammar Al Shukry]