I just HAD to share.
Lets make a million small changes, instead of a really big one.
Peace.
p/s: pun intended. haha.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Social experiment.
Alhamdulillah, yesterday was my birthday.
I turned 23.
It was an ordinary day. I had to go to work.
I've always wanted to try the Sub-of-the-Day (because its cheaper), but never did (because takut tak sedap).
So I went and bought the Sub-of-the-Day, which was crab, and surprisingly delicious. Also I added on the soup which I always wanted to try but was always sold out whenever I wanted to try it.
Which was also quite nice.
And when I arrived at work, free J Co. Donuts! Sweeett... (quite literally)
It was an OK birthday I would say. I've never been the type to have big celebrations in my honour. I like it simple.
Moving on, I conducted a social experiment.
I changed the birthdate on my Facebook page. haha.
Just to see the ones that actually remember my birthday, instead of relying on Facebook to remind them.
So here is the list of people that wished me on the ACTUAL day itself, in chronological order:
1. Nik (an hour before 12)
2. Salmi (few minutes after 12)
3. Noen (cousin)
4. Syikin (cousin)
5. Smak
6. Kak Ani (all the way from Korea)
7. Ayol (all the way from PJ. lol)
8. Mak
9. Amy
10. Sharina
11. Dee
12. Ayah
13. Chik Gee
14. Adik
So thats about. And thats counting all the sources i.e via phone, twitter, fb.
oh the results of this experiment could have been flawed, because just found out skype also sends out reminders.
Anyways, today alone I've had triple that amount of wishes on FB. and still counting.
One guy was even confident enough he said "aku tau bday ko 11/12, tapi tak tau plak tahun 88"
Shows what he knows. rofl.
OK so what does this tell me.
1. I am probably antisocial, as not that many people know me well enuf. Dang it!
2. Skype sends out personal information to others. Totally gonna sue them. someday.
3. Facebook is a powerful mind-control device that will make people believe and do whatevers.
And thats about it actually.
I'm not sure yet whether I'll tell everyone at Facebook. After all they mean well.
Moving on, for this birthday, I have only one resolution. It shall sum up everything I wish to achieve.
I wish to be the best human I am meant to be.
Peace.
I turned 23.
It was an ordinary day. I had to go to work.
I've always wanted to try the Sub-of-the-Day (because its cheaper), but never did (because takut tak sedap).
So I went and bought the Sub-of-the-Day, which was crab, and surprisingly delicious. Also I added on the soup which I always wanted to try but was always sold out whenever I wanted to try it.
Which was also quite nice.
And when I arrived at work, free J Co. Donuts! Sweeett... (quite literally)
It was an OK birthday I would say. I've never been the type to have big celebrations in my honour. I like it simple.
Moving on, I conducted a social experiment.
I changed the birthdate on my Facebook page. haha.
Just to see the ones that actually remember my birthday, instead of relying on Facebook to remind them.
So here is the list of people that wished me on the ACTUAL day itself, in chronological order:
1. Nik (an hour before 12)
2. Salmi (few minutes after 12)
3. Noen (cousin)
4. Syikin (cousin)
5. Smak
6. Kak Ani (all the way from Korea)
7. Ayol (all the way from PJ. lol)
8. Mak
9. Amy
10. Sharina
11. Dee
12. Ayah
13. Chik Gee
14. Adik
So thats about. And thats counting all the sources i.e via phone, twitter, fb.
oh the results of this experiment could have been flawed, because just found out skype also sends out reminders.
Anyways, today alone I've had triple that amount of wishes on FB. and still counting.
One guy was even confident enough he said "aku tau bday ko 11/12, tapi tak tau plak tahun 88"
Shows what he knows. rofl.
OK so what does this tell me.
1. I am probably antisocial, as not that many people know me well enuf. Dang it!
2. Skype sends out personal information to others. Totally gonna sue them. someday.
3. Facebook is a powerful mind-control device that will make people believe and do whatevers.
And thats about it actually.
I'm not sure yet whether I'll tell everyone at Facebook. After all they mean well.
Moving on, for this birthday, I have only one resolution. It shall sum up everything I wish to achieve.
I wish to be the best human I am meant to be.
Peace.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thats so gay.
I think a potentially gay dude is hitting on me.
-_-"
What an epic fail of epic proportions.
I probably shouldn't have told him that I was single.
Even after he asked me a few times, for certainty.
Now he keeps on touching and rubbing my hands every once in a while.
Which is kool if i was a cat, or he was a she, but sadly no im not a cat.
Nor is he a she.
Though i think, he tries to. lol.
Does good looking (chewah) + single = gay?
HOW THE HECK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!!
Does this mean I'm accidentally gay now?
Oh dear, how will i tell my parents?
"Mak, ayah, this gay dude sneezed at me the other day, and now i think i caughtt his gay"
Hadoi..
And this is not the first time its happened.
ZzZzZ.
Its as if I'm a gay magnet.
A gay-net, if you will.
I mean, lets face it, how many guys do you know have had experience with gays hitting on them?
If only I had the ability to make girls rub their hands and lean on me every now and then....
One can only dream... Sigh.
Speaking of dreams, past my bedtime already.
Lets hope I don't have gays roaming my dreams.
Friggin' fabulous nightmare that would be.
Peace.
-_-"
What an epic fail of epic proportions.
I probably shouldn't have told him that I was single.
Even after he asked me a few times, for certainty.
Now he keeps on touching and rubbing my hands every once in a while.
Which is kool if i was a cat, or he was a she, but sadly no im not a cat.
Nor is he a she.
Though i think, he tries to. lol.
Does good looking (chewah) + single = gay?
HOW THE HECK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!!
Does this mean I'm accidentally gay now?
Oh dear, how will i tell my parents?
"Mak, ayah, this gay dude sneezed at me the other day, and now i think i caughtt his gay"
Hadoi..
And this is not the first time its happened.
ZzZzZ.
Its as if I'm a gay magnet.
A gay-net, if you will.
I mean, lets face it, how many guys do you know have had experience with gays hitting on them?
If only I had the ability to make girls rub their hands and lean on me every now and then....
One can only dream... Sigh.
Speaking of dreams, past my bedtime already.
Lets hope I don't have gays roaming my dreams.
Friggin' fabulous nightmare that would be.
Peace.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Time out.
Even when you are really passionate about work, you still need time for yourself.
Work-free time.
I see that now.
My father told me, don't push yourself too much, you might burn out and simply not have any interest in work anymore. You simply cannot work.
And i was pretty close to that a few days back.
I was trying so hard to finish before the due date, i barely had time for myself.
Which obviously was not good.
Now i'm at my hometown, and im enjoying a good nite's rest, company of my parents.
The only thing i want right now is to play games. but i guess i can do that tomorrow.
i miss those days when i had time to play games. i dont anymore.
when i come home, i have enough time to eat, chat with my housemate, and sleep.
not much time for myself.
i really do look forward to the weekends now.
and experience monday blues.
which is a good thing actually!
because when i was working 7 days a week at my previous company, there was no such thing as monday blues, because well, you work every damn day.
you feel blue every day. haha.
thank God i've escaped.
thank God for everything.
peace.
Work-free time.
I see that now.
My father told me, don't push yourself too much, you might burn out and simply not have any interest in work anymore. You simply cannot work.
And i was pretty close to that a few days back.
I was trying so hard to finish before the due date, i barely had time for myself.
Which obviously was not good.
Now i'm at my hometown, and im enjoying a good nite's rest, company of my parents.
The only thing i want right now is to play games. but i guess i can do that tomorrow.
i miss those days when i had time to play games. i dont anymore.
when i come home, i have enough time to eat, chat with my housemate, and sleep.
not much time for myself.
i really do look forward to the weekends now.
and experience monday blues.
which is a good thing actually!
because when i was working 7 days a week at my previous company, there was no such thing as monday blues, because well, you work every damn day.
you feel blue every day. haha.
thank God i've escaped.
thank God for everything.
peace.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Reality of an engineer.
I just HAD to share.
http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/2011/10/27/so-you-want-to-be-an-engineer/
Because its true, except for one thing.
You make big bucks in the oil and gas industry if you're in big oil and gas companies like Shell, Petronas, etc.
You dont make the big bucks doing all the work in consultancy companies. We're basically broke. haha.
But I think I'll stay. Read the article to know why.
Peace.
http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/2011/10/27/so-you-want-to-be-an-engineer/
Because its true, except for one thing.
You make big bucks in the oil and gas industry if you're in big oil and gas companies like Shell, Petronas, etc.
You dont make the big bucks doing all the work in consultancy companies. We're basically broke. haha.
But I think I'll stay. Read the article to know why.
Peace.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
bulan bahasa kebangsaan 2
sedar tidak sedar telah setahun berlalu dari kali terakhir saya menaip dalam bahasa Melayu. (jika ingin membaca boleh lah klik di sini).terlalu banyak yang telah berlaku sepanjang masa setahun ini, mana mungkin semua itu diceritakan ke dalam bentuk kata-kata.
(bila difikirkan semula, ianya mampu dilakukan, tetapi saya pun tidak sanggup hendak menaipnya.)
jika sebelum ini saya telah mempunyai buah fikiran tentang apa yang hendak dikisahkan, malangnya kali ini saya tidaklah begitu bernasib baik, hanya sekadar niat hendak menaip sambil membanggakan bahasa bangsa.
secara amnya, saya amatlah menyayangi bahasa dan bangsa saya ini. mana mungkin digantikan bahasa nenek moyang saya ini dengan bahasa penjajah. sebelum saya lahir lagi, dengan bahasa inilah bapa saya yang kacak berkenal-kenalan dengan ibu saya yang lawa, dengan bahasa inilah ibu saya dodoikan saya ketika saya bermain bola sepak di dalam kandungannya (walaupun apabila dilahirkan kaki bertukar bangku), dengan bahasa inilah arwah datuk saya membelikan saya makanan kegemaran saya sampai sekarang iaitu aiskrim, dengan bahasa inilah opah saya menjaga saya sampai ke besar dan dengan bahasa ini juga lah saya bergaduh dengan adik saya masa kecil-kecil dahulu.
sekarang saya masih kecil tetapi adik saya agak besar. ha ha ha. oh tapi suara saya besar.
tetapi tidak pula saya merasakan perasaan sayang kepada bahasa dan bangsa itu terserlah dari khalayak ramai. masing-masing beriya-iya hendak merupakan diri itu seperti bangsa lain, dengan rambut daripada hitam diwarnakan ke kuning untuk menyerupai bangsa Saiya yang super, mata coklat gelap di birukan agar sedondon dengan penyedia perkhidmatan prabayar, dan pakaian kebangsaan ditinggalkan pula dan digantikan dengan pakaian yang mengalahkan peragawati Victoria's Secret.
bukanlah saya tahu sangat tentang peragawati Victoria's Secret dan bagaimana pula pakaian Adriana Lima dan Gisele Bundchen tu, kebetulan sahaja sesekali sesekala terpandang sekali dua. Jarang terpandang kali ketiga.
berbalik kepada tajuk asal saya, terlalu ramai yang tidak lagi mahu menjadi Melayu, sebaliknya berlumba-lumba melupakan bangsa kita yang megah dengan adat dan adab ini.
apakah kurang cantiknya perempuan Melayu? begitu cantik sekali si Puteri Gunung Ledang sehinggakan Sultan Melaka sanggup menghabiskan harta kekayaannya untuk menjayakan projek mega berupa jambatan emas dan perak dari Melaka ke kaki Gunung Ledang.
hati saya mengatakan Puteri Gunung Ledang itu tidaklah memakai kanta sentuh berwarna kelabu. dan jauh sekali mewarnakan rambutnya seperti warna rambut orang utan.
apakah tidak menarik hati lelaki Melayu? jika tidak, mana mungkin Salleh Yaakob berkahwin empat.
(kenyataan di atas mampu berdiri sendiri tanpa sebarang pengukuhan.)
apakah tidak indah bahasa Melayu itu? amatlah mudah untuk dipelajari, namun terlalu sukar untuk dikuasai. nampak senang untuk difahami, amat dalam makna tersembunyi.
apakah tidak halus adat Melayu itu? tidak ada bangsa yang membahasakan diri mereka 'hamba', dalam usaha sentiasa mengingati kedudukan mereka sebagai hamba Tuhan. dan dibahasakan pula orang lain sebagai 'tuan hamba' kerana segala-galanya datang dari Allah, dan pada masa yang sama mengingatkan diri agar sentiasa merendah diri.
pelikkah kita apabila peribahasa "biar mati anak jangan mati adat" disebut-sebut nenek moyang kita? sedangkan kisah Nabi Khidir dan Nabi Musa memberitahu kita telah dibunuh seorang kanak-kanak oleh Nabi Khidir, kerana tidak mahu anak itu menyesatkan ibu bapanya yang alim kelak.
sekiranya adat telah bersulamkan agama, apa lagi yang perlu dipelikkan?
tetapi yang kita lihat sekarang jauh berbeza, mati terus adat itu dibunuh anak.
saya tidak mahu berleter panjang, kerana saya bukanlah seorang pakcik tua yang terkenang-kenangkan zaman dahulu kala.
saya hanyalah seorang pakcik muda, yang risaukan masa depan.
bukan sahaja masa depan saya, masa depan keturunan saya, dan masa depan bangsa saya.
teringat saya kepada kata-kata Hang Tuah, takkan Melayu hilang di dunia.
mungkin saya salah faham maksud beliau.
mungkin dia bukan ingin menyatakan yang Melayu itu takkan hilang.
mungkin dia telah merenung ke masa hadapan, lalu terkejut.
"takkan Melayu hilang di dunia?!?"
sekian sahaja dari saya.
salam.
(bila difikirkan semula, ianya mampu dilakukan, tetapi saya pun tidak sanggup hendak menaipnya.)
jika sebelum ini saya telah mempunyai buah fikiran tentang apa yang hendak dikisahkan, malangnya kali ini saya tidaklah begitu bernasib baik, hanya sekadar niat hendak menaip sambil membanggakan bahasa bangsa.
secara amnya, saya amatlah menyayangi bahasa dan bangsa saya ini. mana mungkin digantikan bahasa nenek moyang saya ini dengan bahasa penjajah. sebelum saya lahir lagi, dengan bahasa inilah bapa saya yang kacak berkenal-kenalan dengan ibu saya yang lawa, dengan bahasa inilah ibu saya dodoikan saya ketika saya bermain bola sepak di dalam kandungannya (walaupun apabila dilahirkan kaki bertukar bangku), dengan bahasa inilah arwah datuk saya membelikan saya makanan kegemaran saya sampai sekarang iaitu aiskrim, dengan bahasa inilah opah saya menjaga saya sampai ke besar dan dengan bahasa ini juga lah saya bergaduh dengan adik saya masa kecil-kecil dahulu.
sekarang saya masih kecil tetapi adik saya agak besar. ha ha ha. oh tapi suara saya besar.
tetapi tidak pula saya merasakan perasaan sayang kepada bahasa dan bangsa itu terserlah dari khalayak ramai. masing-masing beriya-iya hendak merupakan diri itu seperti bangsa lain, dengan rambut daripada hitam diwarnakan ke kuning untuk menyerupai bangsa Saiya yang super, mata coklat gelap di birukan agar sedondon dengan penyedia perkhidmatan prabayar, dan pakaian kebangsaan ditinggalkan pula dan digantikan dengan pakaian yang mengalahkan peragawati Victoria's Secret.
bukanlah saya tahu sangat tentang peragawati Victoria's Secret dan bagaimana pula pakaian Adriana Lima dan Gisele Bundchen tu, kebetulan sahaja sesekali sesekala terpandang sekali dua. Jarang terpandang kali ketiga.
berbalik kepada tajuk asal saya, terlalu ramai yang tidak lagi mahu menjadi Melayu, sebaliknya berlumba-lumba melupakan bangsa kita yang megah dengan adat dan adab ini.
apakah kurang cantiknya perempuan Melayu? begitu cantik sekali si Puteri Gunung Ledang sehinggakan Sultan Melaka sanggup menghabiskan harta kekayaannya untuk menjayakan projek mega berupa jambatan emas dan perak dari Melaka ke kaki Gunung Ledang.
hati saya mengatakan Puteri Gunung Ledang itu tidaklah memakai kanta sentuh berwarna kelabu. dan jauh sekali mewarnakan rambutnya seperti warna rambut orang utan.
apakah tidak menarik hati lelaki Melayu? jika tidak, mana mungkin Salleh Yaakob berkahwin empat.
(kenyataan di atas mampu berdiri sendiri tanpa sebarang pengukuhan.)
apakah tidak indah bahasa Melayu itu? amatlah mudah untuk dipelajari, namun terlalu sukar untuk dikuasai. nampak senang untuk difahami, amat dalam makna tersembunyi.
apakah tidak halus adat Melayu itu? tidak ada bangsa yang membahasakan diri mereka 'hamba', dalam usaha sentiasa mengingati kedudukan mereka sebagai hamba Tuhan. dan dibahasakan pula orang lain sebagai 'tuan hamba' kerana segala-galanya datang dari Allah, dan pada masa yang sama mengingatkan diri agar sentiasa merendah diri.
pelikkah kita apabila peribahasa "biar mati anak jangan mati adat" disebut-sebut nenek moyang kita? sedangkan kisah Nabi Khidir dan Nabi Musa memberitahu kita telah dibunuh seorang kanak-kanak oleh Nabi Khidir, kerana tidak mahu anak itu menyesatkan ibu bapanya yang alim kelak.
sekiranya adat telah bersulamkan agama, apa lagi yang perlu dipelikkan?
tetapi yang kita lihat sekarang jauh berbeza, mati terus adat itu dibunuh anak.
saya tidak mahu berleter panjang, kerana saya bukanlah seorang pakcik tua yang terkenang-kenangkan zaman dahulu kala.
saya hanyalah seorang pakcik muda, yang risaukan masa depan.
bukan sahaja masa depan saya, masa depan keturunan saya, dan masa depan bangsa saya.
teringat saya kepada kata-kata Hang Tuah, takkan Melayu hilang di dunia.
mungkin saya salah faham maksud beliau.
mungkin dia bukan ingin menyatakan yang Melayu itu takkan hilang.
mungkin dia telah merenung ke masa hadapan, lalu terkejut.
"takkan Melayu hilang di dunia?!?"
sekian sahaja dari saya.
salam.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Catch up.
A friend of mine very recently said "Bloggers adalah orang yang paling poyo sekali. (Nak kena) Cerita pasal hari ni pergi pasar, hari ni beli ikan, bla3."
Of course only after that did he find out I blogged as well. Lol.
Personally I think its not exactly a cry for attention as he thinks it is, it is more of an expression of my thoughts.
True, some bloggers would commit suicide if there aren't any hits to their blog, they promote their writings all over the place, and some actually make money from their blogs, but not me.
I barely ever promote my blog, nor do I intend to do so in the near future.
Even as I stop moving, the world around me continues to move on.
I guess its safe to assume the world doesn't revolve around me.
Its just a place I think out loud. Without actual talking.
A few months back I joined Twitter, simply because a friend suggested it.
I liked it initially, but now, not so much.
Twitter is a place where people that don't get enough attention in real life go to.
It gives you the feeling that you're not alone in this world.
Someone is always listening in to your thoughts and feelings.
And yes, it makes you feel great sometimes, but at the end of the day, you know its all not true.
You're still alone.
Don't get me wrong, it has its uses, like venting, or subtly letting ppl know what you think, and I still do use it.
Although not as often.
Don't even get me started on 4square. LOL.
I suddenly feel the urge to be fit. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy.
I want to be buff. LOL.
I've been exercising more regularly. Push-ups, sit-ups, lifting dumbells.
I'm actually considering of going jogging.
Can you actually imagine? Me actually wanting to go for a jog? LOL.
I think all this positive thinking can be attributed to me feeling like I have a lot of energy to do stuff.
Which I think is due to my new job.
My old job, literally, sucked all the energy out of me.
When I think about it, I go home at 3 pm, I should have the whole day ahead of me to do stuff.
But I did nothing. I just went back home, and slept.
I did not feel like doing anything, did not feel like meeting anyone.
I felt like I had zero energy. I was miserable.
I see that now.
Because just yesterday, immediately after work at 6pm, I went straight to Sunway Pyramid to watch Real Steel with a bunch of friends, and later we hung out at a mamak place until it was 3 am.
And I felt that we left too soon. Still wanted to hang out more.
This feels great.
I really feel that my life is beginning to unfold.
Its that feeling you get when you've been waiting for a movie for so long, and right now you're inside the cinema, and they've just widened the screen after the previews.
Even when I stop moving, the people around me move on.
Guess its time I started moving on and try to catch up.
Peace.
Of course only after that did he find out I blogged as well. Lol.
Personally I think its not exactly a cry for attention as he thinks it is, it is more of an expression of my thoughts.
True, some bloggers would commit suicide if there aren't any hits to their blog, they promote their writings all over the place, and some actually make money from their blogs, but not me.
I barely ever promote my blog, nor do I intend to do so in the near future.
Even as I stop moving, the world around me continues to move on.
I guess its safe to assume the world doesn't revolve around me.
Its just a place I think out loud. Without actual talking.
A few months back I joined Twitter, simply because a friend suggested it.
I liked it initially, but now, not so much.
Twitter is a place where people that don't get enough attention in real life go to.
It gives you the feeling that you're not alone in this world.
Someone is always listening in to your thoughts and feelings.
And yes, it makes you feel great sometimes, but at the end of the day, you know its all not true.
You're still alone.
Don't get me wrong, it has its uses, like venting, or subtly letting ppl know what you think, and I still do use it.
Although not as often.
Don't even get me started on 4square. LOL.
I suddenly feel the urge to be fit. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy.
I want to be buff. LOL.
I've been exercising more regularly. Push-ups, sit-ups, lifting dumbells.
I'm actually considering of going jogging.
Can you actually imagine? Me actually wanting to go for a jog? LOL.
I think all this positive thinking can be attributed to me feeling like I have a lot of energy to do stuff.
Which I think is due to my new job.
My old job, literally, sucked all the energy out of me.
When I think about it, I go home at 3 pm, I should have the whole day ahead of me to do stuff.
But I did nothing. I just went back home, and slept.
I did not feel like doing anything, did not feel like meeting anyone.
I felt like I had zero energy. I was miserable.
I see that now.
Because just yesterday, immediately after work at 6pm, I went straight to Sunway Pyramid to watch Real Steel with a bunch of friends, and later we hung out at a mamak place until it was 3 am.
And I felt that we left too soon. Still wanted to hang out more.
This feels great.
I really feel that my life is beginning to unfold.
Its that feeling you get when you've been waiting for a movie for so long, and right now you're inside the cinema, and they've just widened the screen after the previews.
Even when I stop moving, the people around me move on.
Guess its time I started moving on and try to catch up.
Peace.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Pursuit of happiness.
I honestly had hoped to drown myself in work once I started this job.
And at first it seemed like I could. Work seemed endless.
Deadlines were getting closer with each passing second.
Time flew by like you're having fun, only you weren't.
You were working. Hectic.
I loved it.
Better tons of work rather than no work.
But deadlines have passed, reports issued, drawings submitted.
Now is the laid back period.
No longer do I stay at the office to leave at only 10 pm.
I leave on time now.
I probably won't be as busy as before until next month, when deadlines start rising from the dead.
Its funny.
I used to go back from work at 3 pm, and I didn't have time for anything.
Now I go back at 6 pm, and I have loads of time to do stuff.
I'm generally occupied on each weekend, always having stuff to do, people to meet.
If only I had time before.
I've actually found time to work out!
Yeah, I found that my shirts were way too big for me, so it made me look funny.
Since I can't exactly afford slim-fit shirts that fit my body precisely, I decided to make my body fit my clothes.
And suprisingly, its working.
I'm not sure if its me psycho-ing myself into believing I've gained weight (because I checked and I may have lost more weight), or my exercising is building up my upper body muscle or something, but my clothes really do look better on me nowadays.
It no longer looks like I bought a size too big, its got a nicer fit to it. So yeay.
Oh, it may also have something to do with me incorporating some walking in my daily routine.
I purposely park my car a bit far from the train station, so that I have to walk at least 40 minutes daily.
10 minutes from car to train station, 10 minutes from KLCC station to office. And backwards when going home.
And since they give free newspaper at the KLCC train station, I'm more up to date on current affairs now.
And I have just started bringing a book to work, so that while I'm on the train, I can read something, instead of listening to the same songs on my phone.
And oh, I actually take my breakfast now. Haha. Coz everyday I will walk past this kueh stall, and there would be this pretty girl selling the kueh. LoL.
At first I looked from afar, but one Friday I decided the next Monday I would start getting my breakfast from this stall.
The day I start buying kueh from this stall, is the day that girl disappears.
Talk about bad timing. rofl. Oh well, at least I eat better now. I take vitamins as well.
What else... Oh, I've put some money for some investment, so for this month, money's a bit short.
But my plan of financial independence by 40 has finally gotten on track.
Things are really taking off now. Except for that.
Oh well, in the pursuit of happiness, sadness is inevitable.
But learn from that sadness, and someday you'll turn those tears into tears of joy.
A nice song to listen to, nice video too.
And at first it seemed like I could. Work seemed endless.
Deadlines were getting closer with each passing second.
Time flew by like you're having fun, only you weren't.
You were working. Hectic.
I loved it.
Better tons of work rather than no work.
But deadlines have passed, reports issued, drawings submitted.
Now is the laid back period.
No longer do I stay at the office to leave at only 10 pm.
I leave on time now.
I probably won't be as busy as before until next month, when deadlines start rising from the dead.
Its funny.
I used to go back from work at 3 pm, and I didn't have time for anything.
Now I go back at 6 pm, and I have loads of time to do stuff.
I'm generally occupied on each weekend, always having stuff to do, people to meet.
If only I had time before.
I've actually found time to work out!
Yeah, I found that my shirts were way too big for me, so it made me look funny.
Since I can't exactly afford slim-fit shirts that fit my body precisely, I decided to make my body fit my clothes.
And suprisingly, its working.
I'm not sure if its me psycho-ing myself into believing I've gained weight (because I checked and I may have lost more weight), or my exercising is building up my upper body muscle or something, but my clothes really do look better on me nowadays.
It no longer looks like I bought a size too big, its got a nicer fit to it. So yeay.
Oh, it may also have something to do with me incorporating some walking in my daily routine.
I purposely park my car a bit far from the train station, so that I have to walk at least 40 minutes daily.
10 minutes from car to train station, 10 minutes from KLCC station to office. And backwards when going home.
And since they give free newspaper at the KLCC train station, I'm more up to date on current affairs now.
And I have just started bringing a book to work, so that while I'm on the train, I can read something, instead of listening to the same songs on my phone.
And oh, I actually take my breakfast now. Haha. Coz everyday I will walk past this kueh stall, and there would be this pretty girl selling the kueh. LoL.
At first I looked from afar, but one Friday I decided the next Monday I would start getting my breakfast from this stall.
The day I start buying kueh from this stall, is the day that girl disappears.
Talk about bad timing. rofl. Oh well, at least I eat better now. I take vitamins as well.
What else... Oh, I've put some money for some investment, so for this month, money's a bit short.
But my plan of financial independence by 40 has finally gotten on track.
Things are really taking off now. Except for that.
Oh well, in the pursuit of happiness, sadness is inevitable.
But learn from that sadness, and someday you'll turn those tears into tears of joy.
A nice song to listen to, nice video too.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Money.
I was alone this weekend. My cousin / housemate went back to Ipoh to fetch his parents to go for my other cousin's wedding ceremony. I went to the wedding as well, but I didn't go back to Ipoh, because my mother took a train to Seremban. My father couldn't come because he had to take care of my grandmother who isn't in the state to travel long distance, and he himself isn't in the pink of health, but slowly recuperating.
The newly-weds weren't really newly-weds. They got married a few months back, if memory serves, and couldn't hold a ceremony because the wife was studying in Australia, and came back only for a short while to get married. The kenduri was ok, though there were things that my mother and my aunt spotted that could have been improved. Perhaps future family weddings will be better.
Just now, as I was playing Crysis 2, and after dying and dying at the same spot for a couple of times, I suddenly got really dizzy. Upon realizing I hadn't had dinner and it was already 9.15 pm, it must've been because I was hungry. After all, I had lunch at around 11 am, and had not eaten anything since. So I decided to go out to this restaurant where they had a carwash service nearby, so that I could get my car washed while I ate.
After eating, and seeing that my car was already clean, I paid for my food. It was RM7.10. I took out a RM10 note. The cashier asked me if I had 10 cents, I did not. So she gave me RM3 back, and said "Takpe lah".
Its only 10 cents, but I never liked owing people anything. 10 cents is still a debt, even if she did say its ok. I remembered there being some coins in my car, but I paid for my car wash first.
See, the car wash cost was RM9. So I gave the guy RM50, since my last RM10 I gave to the restaurant. And he gave me back my change.
So I took 10 cents from my car, went back to the cashier lady at the restaurant and gave her the 10 cents. She smiled, probably thinking it was silly of me to be so bothered about 10 cents. I said nothing and walked back to my car.
Walking back to my car, I passed the car wash guy. Then it hit me.
"Tadi saya bagi u RM50 kan? U bagi saya RM1 saje balik."
"Eh tak, u bagi RM10."
I open my wallet to check.
"Eh betul la, saya bagi u RM50, u bagi saya RM1 saje. Betul."
He goes back to check his cash box.
He holds up a RM50 note. The one that I just gave.
"Ini duit u ke?"
"Ye, ye tu duit saya."
He looked skeptical.
"Kalau duit tak cukup, nanti saya punya gaji kena potong."
"Betul, betul, saya bagi u RM50 tadi", I said as earnest as I could.
He took out RM40 and gave me my correct change.
If the cashier had the exact change for my RM10, I wouldn't have owed her 10 cents.
If I had not owed her 10 cents, I wouldn't have thought of grabbing the 10 cents in the car.
If I had not taken the trouble to pay the 10 cents, I wouldn't have passed the car wash guy again.
If I had not passed the car wash guy the second time, I wouldn't have remembered.
I would have paid the car wash guy RM50, took back the RM1, and obliviously went on home, and I would've lost RM40.
Because of that near-worthless 10 cents, I saved RM40.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything.
We just can't see the reason sometimes.
Maybe its because we're not really looking.
"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
- Albert Einstein.
Hanya Engkau yang aku maksudkan, dan keredhaanMu aku tuntuti, ya Allah.
Peace.
The newly-weds weren't really newly-weds. They got married a few months back, if memory serves, and couldn't hold a ceremony because the wife was studying in Australia, and came back only for a short while to get married. The kenduri was ok, though there were things that my mother and my aunt spotted that could have been improved. Perhaps future family weddings will be better.
Just now, as I was playing Crysis 2, and after dying and dying at the same spot for a couple of times, I suddenly got really dizzy. Upon realizing I hadn't had dinner and it was already 9.15 pm, it must've been because I was hungry. After all, I had lunch at around 11 am, and had not eaten anything since. So I decided to go out to this restaurant where they had a carwash service nearby, so that I could get my car washed while I ate.
After eating, and seeing that my car was already clean, I paid for my food. It was RM7.10. I took out a RM10 note. The cashier asked me if I had 10 cents, I did not. So she gave me RM3 back, and said "Takpe lah".
Its only 10 cents, but I never liked owing people anything. 10 cents is still a debt, even if she did say its ok. I remembered there being some coins in my car, but I paid for my car wash first.
See, the car wash cost was RM9. So I gave the guy RM50, since my last RM10 I gave to the restaurant. And he gave me back my change.
So I took 10 cents from my car, went back to the cashier lady at the restaurant and gave her the 10 cents. She smiled, probably thinking it was silly of me to be so bothered about 10 cents. I said nothing and walked back to my car.
Walking back to my car, I passed the car wash guy. Then it hit me.
"Tadi saya bagi u RM50 kan? U bagi saya RM1 saje balik."
"Eh tak, u bagi RM10."
I open my wallet to check.
"Eh betul la, saya bagi u RM50, u bagi saya RM1 saje. Betul."
He goes back to check his cash box.
He holds up a RM50 note. The one that I just gave.
"Ini duit u ke?"
"Ye, ye tu duit saya."
He looked skeptical.
"Kalau duit tak cukup, nanti saya punya gaji kena potong."
"Betul, betul, saya bagi u RM50 tadi", I said as earnest as I could.
He took out RM40 and gave me my correct change.
If the cashier had the exact change for my RM10, I wouldn't have owed her 10 cents.
If I had not owed her 10 cents, I wouldn't have thought of grabbing the 10 cents in the car.
If I had not taken the trouble to pay the 10 cents, I wouldn't have passed the car wash guy again.
If I had not passed the car wash guy the second time, I wouldn't have remembered.
I would have paid the car wash guy RM50, took back the RM1, and obliviously went on home, and I would've lost RM40.
Because of that near-worthless 10 cents, I saved RM40.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything.
We just can't see the reason sometimes.
Maybe its because we're not really looking.
"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
- Albert Einstein.
Hanya Engkau yang aku maksudkan, dan keredhaanMu aku tuntuti, ya Allah.
Peace.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Epilogue.
The thing about being observant, is that sometimes you see things below the surface.
Things not meant for you to see.
Things you shouldn't see.
Things you wouldn't want to.
And unfortunately, we can't un-see what has been seen.
I saw something.
It made me sad.
My whole body went weak.
I know.
I knew.
From the beginning of the end, I knew this was going to happen.
After all, I was the one that set things in motion.
I was the one that created the perfect condition for it to succeed.
How do I know this? Its happened before.
Arrogantly I told someone I hoped it would happen, for everyone's benefit.
Well, it did.
Serves me right.
I just... I just...
Didn't expect it to be so soon.
My walls aren't up yet. But now they're crushed to debris.
I've got to be strong. Chin up.
This is what you wished for.
Sigh.
I shall disappear. As I have done before.
Time heals all wounds.
If only it did not leave scars.
Peace.
Things not meant for you to see.
Things you shouldn't see.
Things you wouldn't want to.
And unfortunately, we can't un-see what has been seen.
I saw something.
It made me sad.
My whole body went weak.
I know.
I knew.
From the beginning of the end, I knew this was going to happen.
After all, I was the one that set things in motion.
I was the one that created the perfect condition for it to succeed.
How do I know this? Its happened before.
Arrogantly I told someone I hoped it would happen, for everyone's benefit.
Well, it did.
Serves me right.
I just... I just...
Didn't expect it to be so soon.
My walls aren't up yet. But now they're crushed to debris.
I've got to be strong. Chin up.
This is what you wished for.
Sigh.
I shall disappear. As I have done before.
Time heals all wounds.
If only it did not leave scars.
Peace.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Does this mean you're moving on?
New job is hectic.
Deadlines need to be chased.
OTs are near-compulsory.
12-hour working days are normal. (9am - 9pm).
I barely have time for anything else other than work and sleep.
I guess things happen for a reason.
But I like it.
Its tough, it demands me to do my best, what more could I ask for in a job?
I was being chased for this project, and the only thing left to do was submit the drawings.
The drafter still hasn't finished it. So I went to see him.
Turns out he was chatting on the phone.
I walk up to him, he notices me, and says to the person on the phone,
"Ey kejap eh, ada engineer ni..."
I had not realised what I am now.
That one sentence made my day.
Peace.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Revelry
Some things I realized due to certain events that occured past few weeks :
i'm a natural at being the bad guy.
sometimes you have to be the bad guy for the benefit of others.
An example would be at work, when my boss is planning to make a move that would really piss off every single employee in my department, only they don't really have the guts to go against the boss.
Which is where I came in.
Practically yelled at the boss, using less than appropriate words for conversations with bosses, spoke my mind (basically everyone else's as well), and stormed off.
Yes, after that little incident I have been nicknamed 'hantu' by my colleagues, but look on the bright side, that move that was going to force everyone to come on weekends, got cancelled by the boss.
One guy even called me up on my off-day to basically express happiness. That call really made my day.
So yeah sure I'm the bad guy. Yes they still call me 'hantu' behind my back, but by me being the hantu, they don't have to be. They can all look like good little employees. When in fact behind the bosses back, they were the ones that were the most vocal.
Truth be told, when boss suggested the move, I said, I'm not entirely happy with it, but as long as I get days off, why not.
Perhaps by me being the bad guy, they get to overlook themselves. No healthy communication between boss, always talking behind bosses back, not able to voice out opinions effectively.
Sometimes its not really the bad guy's fault, but sometimes the situation just requires it to be so.
Not that any of this will matter in a few weeks time.
I've decided. I've gotten an offer, and I'm taking it.
I'm no longer happy with my current work. (amongst other things)
I'm not trying to sound unthankful or not appreciate what God has given me or anything, its just that when you're not happy, you're not happy.
Try as you might, you can never really change who you really are.
Believe me, I've tried.
The one person you can never really lie to is yourself. You can never lie to yourself.
So when you say "I'm so happy to be working here, I'm so lucky", you know deep down thats not really how you feel.
And when you do that, you're not only lying to yourself, you're dragging others along with you.
Your boss might look at you and think "He's still here, guess he's coping and happy".
And its never nice to lead someone along for the wrong reasons.
Might as well end it.
Sure its difficult, sure its hard, sure its painful. For both you and the person at the receiving end.
But better now than later.
Some people don't get the fact that when someone ends a relationship for example, its hard for both parties, not just the one getting dumped.
Example, friend of mine wanted to leave the company a few months back, came to me asking for advice.
He definitely wanted to leave, but felt bad about leaving his boss stranded, having to look for another employee, definitely will affect image of department, etc.
But I told him, everyone feels that when they want to leave, but bear in mind, it would be naive and foolish to stay behind for those reasons, because after that, there won't be a single day that the thought of "if only i had left" won't cross your mind.
There are times when you have to think about others, but there are times where it would be foolish not to think of yourself.
Now its time to muster up my courage and tender my resignation.
I remember my mother telling me about her friend's son. He was about to get married to this beautiful girl, they have been together since school, her mother of course was ecstatic to see his first-born son get married to the girl of his dreams.
Then, on the night before the actual akad nikah ceremony, when his mother was busy getting ready for tomorrow, the son came up to the mother and said "Mama, is it too late to turn back?"
Turns out the guy wasn't really into the girl, was into another girl, but i suppose never had the courage or chance to say so.
The mother couldn't possibly cancel the wedding at the very last minute, so to save face they went on with it.
A year passed, the couple got a divorce.
My mother kept on repeating this story to me time and time again. Never be like this. Never be this irresponsible. Never do something like this to her.
And I never will. When I get married, or maybe, IF i get married, there won't be a doubt in my mind that this will be the person I want to spend my life with, grow old with, fight over the remote control of the TV with, go for Haji with, have children with, argue about how there's so many house chores to be done and I'm not helping at all with, get nagged because I'm playing too much computer games with...
Okay got carried away. But you get my point.
Speaking of getting nagged, I suddenly remember this funny story about one sahabat wanting to meet Umar Al-Khattab, because he can't stand his wife's constant nagging. Upon reaching Umar's house, he finds that Umar's wife is lecturing Umar, and Umar just sitting there listening. LOL.
So afters, he tells Umar about his wife, to which Umar smiled and said, "My brother, my wife cooks for me, cleans my clothes, takes care of the house for me, and nurtures my children non-stop. So when she makes a mistake or two, its better not to cling on to it, while forgetting all the good she has done."
So anyways, cheers to new jobs, new life, new relationships. Cherish and learn from old experiences.
Always hoped the third would be the one. Life does not necessarily turn out the way you hoped.
Peace.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Much too think, think too much.
"Dear Claire, "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?"
I think too much. Is it because I have much to think about?
I think its more or less the same as everyone else. Maybe I'm over-analyzing stuff.
Even writing this post proves I analyze too much.
But its who I am really.
I can't imagine doing something day after day, the same old routine, without thinking.
I'd probably die of boredom if my job was the type were you sit at the assembly line as assemble the same stuff day after day.
After day after day after day...
Its like being in the Hereafter .... when you're Herebefore. (if that makes sense)
The only reason, when I think about it, why I stayed with my current job for so long, is because its .... difficult. Its challenging. Generally different everyday.
You have to think on your feet. You have to deal with all sorts of people. You need to know how to manouver (can't believe i forgot how to spell manouver, not sure if this is even the right spelling). You need to know how to negotiate, give and take.
Not be affected by what people say, and focus objectively on task at hand.
But after awhile, all of that seems.. routine.
The mind adapts. It reacts quicker to unexpected changes. It becomes more active, more critical. Soon, it gets used to it.
Which is when fun turns to boredom.
Sure there'll new problems, new situations, but really, same thing, different day.
Sometimes I wish I was that type of person, the person that is complacent with everything.
That simply gets a job, goes 'Alhamdulillah', and stays with that job and retires.
Or meets just one person, immediately goes ' this is my soulmate!' and stays with that someone, and lives....
Happily. Ever. After.
If only life was a fairytale. If only it were that easy.
UBJ V JVFU V'IR ZRG FBZRBAR GUNGF RKPVGVAT, NAQ SHA NAQ PBZCYRK OHG FB SNE V'IR ABG.
CENL SBE ZR.
ROT13.
Peace.
I think too much. Is it because I have much to think about?
I think its more or less the same as everyone else. Maybe I'm over-analyzing stuff.
Even writing this post proves I analyze too much.
But its who I am really.
I can't imagine doing something day after day, the same old routine, without thinking.
I'd probably die of boredom if my job was the type were you sit at the assembly line as assemble the same stuff day after day.
After day after day after day...
Its like being in the Hereafter .... when you're Herebefore. (if that makes sense)
The only reason, when I think about it, why I stayed with my current job for so long, is because its .... difficult. Its challenging. Generally different everyday.
You have to think on your feet. You have to deal with all sorts of people. You need to know how to manouver (can't believe i forgot how to spell manouver, not sure if this is even the right spelling). You need to know how to negotiate, give and take.
Not be affected by what people say, and focus objectively on task at hand.
But after awhile, all of that seems.. routine.
The mind adapts. It reacts quicker to unexpected changes. It becomes more active, more critical. Soon, it gets used to it.
Which is when fun turns to boredom.
Sure there'll new problems, new situations, but really, same thing, different day.
Sometimes I wish I was that type of person, the person that is complacent with everything.
That simply gets a job, goes 'Alhamdulillah', and stays with that job and retires.
Or meets just one person, immediately goes ' this is my soulmate!' and stays with that someone, and lives....
Happily. Ever. After.
If only life was a fairytale. If only it were that easy.
UBJ V JVFU V'IR ZRG FBZRBAR GUNGF RKPVGVAT, NAQ SHA NAQ PBZCYRK OHG FB SNE V'IR ABG.
CENL SBE ZR.
ROT13.
Peace.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Ruud
I sometimes wonder how people can be very rude. To people that they are angry with, or people they've known for a long time, yes. But people they've just met?
I'm no saint, but its practically impossible for me to be rude to someone I've just met, even if I tried.
Why are there rude people in this world? Were they taught from childhood to be rude? Maybe.
Maybe not taught to be rude directly, but not being taught on how to be polite.
Perhaps rude people think that they are superior to others, therefore they feel that a way to show their superiority is to be rude and see that the other party can't do anything about it.
It just makes me sad to be in the company of rude people.
I myself am rude sometimes, but most of the time its to prove a point. Sometimes being rude shows that you're serious, you're not playing around.
But to be rude just for the sake of showing off is just plain wrong.
Pity those that were not raised with good values.
Pity more those that were, but lost them in the process.
Me? I was raised well, strayed a little, but now I'm back on the right path.
But I have a long way to go.
As do we all.
Peace.
I'm no saint, but its practically impossible for me to be rude to someone I've just met, even if I tried.
Why are there rude people in this world? Were they taught from childhood to be rude? Maybe.
Maybe not taught to be rude directly, but not being taught on how to be polite.
Perhaps rude people think that they are superior to others, therefore they feel that a way to show their superiority is to be rude and see that the other party can't do anything about it.
It just makes me sad to be in the company of rude people.
I myself am rude sometimes, but most of the time its to prove a point. Sometimes being rude shows that you're serious, you're not playing around.
But to be rude just for the sake of showing off is just plain wrong.
Pity those that were not raised with good values.
Pity more those that were, but lost them in the process.
Me? I was raised well, strayed a little, but now I'm back on the right path.
But I have a long way to go.
As do we all.
Peace.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Actual Return.
"Jahil yang tahu satu ilmu, maka itulah sahaja yang dia tahu. Alim yang tahu satu ilmu, juga sedar dia tidak tahu sepuluh."
Despite my best efforts, I can never find anything actually interesting to write about. Its just all so very boring.
But the people I meet are very interesting specimens indeed. For instance, I've never actually met someone that's just plain unhelpful. As in "why should I help? not my problem.".
I met someone like that today.
To not help when someone needs help but isn't asking for it is one thing, to not help when someone is asking for help is just darn right mean. Borderline evil.
Its not like you're going to lose anything by helping. But you stand to gain loads by helping. I.e : you scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Mentality of some human beings.
Also, females are very emotional beings. They get very emotional when they don't get what they want. If they're angry with their boss, they hide it and probably cry in the toilet because they can't really say anything.
But if they're angry with someone at the same level or below them, i.e me, they lash out and / or tattle out to my superior. Such an annoying trait.
I can see why there are so many gays running around. Ouch.
Or why she's not yet married. Double ouch.
Scratch that last one. There's plenty more reasons why she isn't married other than that. Triple ouch.
Speaking of bosses, some bosses really do have sticks up their bottoms.
One boss at work rarely ever smiles, and even when he does, it seems... weird.
He also has this funny (creepy) laugh, kinda like the sound you make when you wanna smell your own breath to see if its fresh or not.
I really don't like him, so I try my best to avoid contact with him. And I see he is doing the same as well.
Win-win situation.
But the higher ups seem to like him very much because he seems to be leading his department well.
If that's the price of performance, then I choose to be a loser anytime.
The mere sight of him makes me stressed sometimes. But now that I don't really work with him anymore, no more stress.
He just makes my eyes itch sometimes.
What prompted this unexpected return you ask? Well, I've actually more or less mastered my work.
So which means the time I spend actually thinking and worrying about work, is now no longer used.
In other words, I'm bored.
Yes, to be honest, I was so engrossed with my work, I really wanted to do well in work, I struggled like mad, when after 2 months I realized, you can only do so much, God does the rest.
Kinda suits me coz I'm in the Planning department.
Now I have some spare time at work, and due to my unhectic work life, I have more free time on my hands.
Which reminds me, I have to sweep my room. Its been two weeks.
If only I can find the broom underneath all these dust bunnies...
Peace
Despite my best efforts, I can never find anything actually interesting to write about. Its just all so very boring.
But the people I meet are very interesting specimens indeed. For instance, I've never actually met someone that's just plain unhelpful. As in "why should I help? not my problem.".
I met someone like that today.
To not help when someone needs help but isn't asking for it is one thing, to not help when someone is asking for help is just darn right mean. Borderline evil.
Its not like you're going to lose anything by helping. But you stand to gain loads by helping. I.e : you scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Mentality of some human beings.
Also, females are very emotional beings. They get very emotional when they don't get what they want. If they're angry with their boss, they hide it and probably cry in the toilet because they can't really say anything.
But if they're angry with someone at the same level or below them, i.e me, they lash out and / or tattle out to my superior. Such an annoying trait.
I can see why there are so many gays running around. Ouch.
Or why she's not yet married. Double ouch.
Scratch that last one. There's plenty more reasons why she isn't married other than that. Triple ouch.
Speaking of bosses, some bosses really do have sticks up their bottoms.
One boss at work rarely ever smiles, and even when he does, it seems... weird.
He also has this funny (creepy) laugh, kinda like the sound you make when you wanna smell your own breath to see if its fresh or not.
I really don't like him, so I try my best to avoid contact with him. And I see he is doing the same as well.
Win-win situation.
But the higher ups seem to like him very much because he seems to be leading his department well.
If that's the price of performance, then I choose to be a loser anytime.
The mere sight of him makes me stressed sometimes. But now that I don't really work with him anymore, no more stress.
He just makes my eyes itch sometimes.
What prompted this unexpected return you ask? Well, I've actually more or less mastered my work.
So which means the time I spend actually thinking and worrying about work, is now no longer used.
In other words, I'm bored.
Yes, to be honest, I was so engrossed with my work, I really wanted to do well in work, I struggled like mad, when after 2 months I realized, you can only do so much, God does the rest.
Kinda suits me coz I'm in the Planning department.
Now I have some spare time at work, and due to my unhectic work life, I have more free time on my hands.
Which reminds me, I have to sweep my room. Its been two weeks.
If only I can find the broom underneath all these dust bunnies...
Peace
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Return.
"I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift."
Hi. I'm back.
No I didn't really go anywhere. Back blogging.
Yes. I am back. For good.
Really.
Though I don't really have anything to say....
Hmm.
Did not put much thought into this.
Will be back soon with actual things to write about.
Peace.
Hi. I'm back.
No I didn't really go anywhere. Back blogging.
Yes. I am back. For good.
Really.
Though I don't really have anything to say....
Hmm.
Did not put much thought into this.
Will be back soon with actual things to write about.
Peace.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Monologue.
I am stressing myself out too much. I feel like the world is unfair.
I try to focus on the positives and remind myself how lucky i am, but lets face it, I am never content with what I have.
It is part of being human, I'm told.
Its true, you meet all sorts of people at work.
Very nice people, very rude people, hypocrites, timid, honest, all the adjectives you can think off.
Me? I'm the quiet, shy one. I try to avoid coming off as arrogant by smiling a lot.
So far its working 70% i think.
There are people that know my name, when I do not know theirs. Which is a weakness on my part.
I try to be less inhibited by my fears. I feel myself improving by day.
I moan and grumble a lot now. Some people care, but not the ones that should.
Never judge a book by its cover. And never judge people by the way they look.
Apparently, some feel that its professional to yell at someone and expect that person not to take heart.
I just think when you need to yell, you're just not communicating properly.
I tell myself often that I should be grateful, but it always tells me otherwise.
If I am not grateful, at least I am trying to be.
Often when I really think about it, I don't really know what I want.
I thought at first it was money, but when I'm tired I just want some rest.
So I never really ask God for anything specific. I just ask Him to take care of me.
I sometimes wonder if He really is looking after me, and if so, why is he putting me through self-doubt and hardships?
Then He reminds me of Muhammad, and how he was born an orphan.
I really should learn to complain less. But that is just who I am. But I'm learning. Slowly.
I know not if this is the true path He intends for me to follow, but I do know it is leading there.
For now, I'll just have to take it one step at a time.
Peace and love.
I try to focus on the positives and remind myself how lucky i am, but lets face it, I am never content with what I have.
It is part of being human, I'm told.
Its true, you meet all sorts of people at work.
Very nice people, very rude people, hypocrites, timid, honest, all the adjectives you can think off.
Me? I'm the quiet, shy one. I try to avoid coming off as arrogant by smiling a lot.
So far its working 70% i think.
There are people that know my name, when I do not know theirs. Which is a weakness on my part.
I try to be less inhibited by my fears. I feel myself improving by day.
I moan and grumble a lot now. Some people care, but not the ones that should.
Never judge a book by its cover. And never judge people by the way they look.
Apparently, some feel that its professional to yell at someone and expect that person not to take heart.
I just think when you need to yell, you're just not communicating properly.
I tell myself often that I should be grateful, but it always tells me otherwise.
If I am not grateful, at least I am trying to be.
Often when I really think about it, I don't really know what I want.
I thought at first it was money, but when I'm tired I just want some rest.
So I never really ask God for anything specific. I just ask Him to take care of me.
I sometimes wonder if He really is looking after me, and if so, why is he putting me through self-doubt and hardships?
Then He reminds me of Muhammad, and how he was born an orphan.
I really should learn to complain less. But that is just who I am. But I'm learning. Slowly.
I know not if this is the true path He intends for me to follow, but I do know it is leading there.
For now, I'll just have to take it one step at a time.
Peace and love.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Cost indicator.
It was love at first listen. Plus she's like really cute. :P
Forget about the price tag? My mother always told me if you're spending money on food, then you can forget about the price (tag).
So to me, I don't mind spending most of what I earn on good food. I am a bit fussy when it comes to eating, which would explain why I was slightly thinner back in the day.
But apart from food, I seldom splurge so carelessly. I always think twice, or even thrice when wanting to buy something.
I like having loads of money. Sometimes not to spend. Just to know I have lots of it. Haha.
I think some people have the opposite idea. Money is to be spent. If you have excess money, then its for spending.
Why not keep money instead? You'll never know when you'll need it. Plus that brand new hi-tech phone isn't gonna be so hi-tech in 2 months time. Or that cute dress isn't gonna look so cute in 2 months time (coz you're probably gonna buy another cute dress and forget all about the last one.)
But I guess I'm in no position to talk. Different people have different interests. Some people would go hungry just to get that new iPad. Some would sell their iPads for new shoes.
The price tag is important though. When you're eyeing that new gadgetron or salivating over that RM100 steak at Victoria's Station, just remember that some people can barely afford a simple plate of rice with lauk.
I sometimes grumble on my own, thinking about how average my salary is, when some of my colleagues, with the same qualifications as me, are earning almost twice as much.
But seeing as how I'm earning twice as much as one of my housemates, I try to grumble less.
Knowing that we are weak, He sends us reminders almost everyday, to guide us to the right path. And sometimes I feel blessed that I am lucky enough to actually notice His reminders, when so many others do not.
I am not a good person. Although I do know that I am trying to be one.
And for the time being, that is good enough.
Peace and love.
Hehe.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Ego.
Even before humans learned how to speak, we already know that guys have huge egos. They just haven't assigned a word to it yet. But you must be wondering, (girls especially), what is ego anyways? Why is it that sometimes men's ego gets in the way of expressing how we really feel and stuff?
Well, wonder no more, coz Geekazoid's making a tutorial on ego. Men's ego to be exact. Girls pun ada jugak, but I'm not so sure how it works.
In general, our hearts, not the one pumping blood, the heart that supposedly feels emotions, are all the same, regardless of gender. Its very sensitive, or in plain words, its fragile.
But men, being the proud creatures that we are, don't like to appear fragile or broken or weak. This is where ego comes in. Ego kinda protects the heart from being affected by emotions that are considered weak or girly like love, sadness. Its kinda like a bodyguard to the heart, protecting it from being vulnerable.
At most times its a very efficient bodyguard, always keeping cool, protecting the heart from being hurt. Ego is usually even more protective of the heart with new people, because nobody likes strangers. But once you get to know the new person, ego eases up a bit and lets the heart explore a little. But sometimes it takes awhile for ego to open up.
Ego does have its weaknesses though. One, it may be TOO overprotective, thus pushing away the people that wants to find a way into our hearts.
Secondly, it lets its guard down with the people that can hurt us the most, the people we care about the most. Which sometimes sucks bad.
So when this happens, ego sometimes feels overly responsible for not doing his job. so he becomes even more protective then before. this is what we called a bruised ego. It is in this stage that there isn't much that ANYONE can say to calm ego down, so just say words of comfort, don't agitate ego any more than you already have, and let him settle down on his own.
and that's about all there is to know about ego. its not that hard to understand. so in return, try to be more understanding rather than be all emo and whatnot when some guy is being all egoistic on you. there's usually a reason. maybe he knows you can hurt him, so he builds his shields up so you can't. maybe you did something before that makes him slightly more cautious now.
we men aren't so complicated. women on the other hand, fuh, im not sure girls really understand themselves that well, but they're expecting guys to be understanding. lol.
till next time, peace. :)
Well, wonder no more, coz Geekazoid's making a tutorial on ego. Men's ego to be exact. Girls pun ada jugak, but I'm not so sure how it works.
In general, our hearts, not the one pumping blood, the heart that supposedly feels emotions, are all the same, regardless of gender. Its very sensitive, or in plain words, its fragile.
But men, being the proud creatures that we are, don't like to appear fragile or broken or weak. This is where ego comes in. Ego kinda protects the heart from being affected by emotions that are considered weak or girly like love, sadness. Its kinda like a bodyguard to the heart, protecting it from being vulnerable.
At most times its a very efficient bodyguard, always keeping cool, protecting the heart from being hurt. Ego is usually even more protective of the heart with new people, because nobody likes strangers. But once you get to know the new person, ego eases up a bit and lets the heart explore a little. But sometimes it takes awhile for ego to open up.
Ego does have its weaknesses though. One, it may be TOO overprotective, thus pushing away the people that wants to find a way into our hearts.
Secondly, it lets its guard down with the people that can hurt us the most, the people we care about the most. Which sometimes sucks bad.
So when this happens, ego sometimes feels overly responsible for not doing his job. so he becomes even more protective then before. this is what we called a bruised ego. It is in this stage that there isn't much that ANYONE can say to calm ego down, so just say words of comfort, don't agitate ego any more than you already have, and let him settle down on his own.
and that's about all there is to know about ego. its not that hard to understand. so in return, try to be more understanding rather than be all emo and whatnot when some guy is being all egoistic on you. there's usually a reason. maybe he knows you can hurt him, so he builds his shields up so you can't. maybe you did something before that makes him slightly more cautious now.
we men aren't so complicated. women on the other hand, fuh, im not sure girls really understand themselves that well, but they're expecting guys to be understanding. lol.
till next time, peace. :)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sleepless night.
I can't sleep.
Probably due to my bloated stomach.
I've got to wake up at 4 30 tomorrow. And at 2 am, I cant sleep.
Maybe that dream woke me up.
Yes, I had a dream. Someone was getting dumped.
No it was not me, that was doing the dumping, or the one being dumped.
It seemed like I was observing from afar. Maybe stalking from afar.
At least that's what my heart is telling me.
Funny, how I dream about other people.
Its really funny when you think about.
How humans really need other humans in order to survive.
Would someone die if he had no contact whatsoever with another human?
Probably not.
Would he go crazy by the time he died?
Probably.
Plus, the first human ever, before being sent down to Earth, lived in Heaven.
He had all that he could possibly want there, yet he felt as if something was amiss.
He felt.. alone. So God created him a partner, to keep him company.
I guess its programmed inside our brains.
We need a partner in life, one from the opposite gender.
After all, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
This has almost nothing to do with what I dreamt earlier.
I'm just killing time.
I said recently that I feel like disappearing. I meant it.
Not disappear as in "missing persons" disappear, just keeping under the radar.
I don't know why. Sometimes I just feel like it.
Despite efforts, I can't seem to go back the way I was 10 years ago.
No social life whatsoever, always stuck in front of the computer.
And I was happy. I had no interest in going out whatsoever.
I went to the movies with my family, and thats about it.
Did not hang out with friends outside of school.
10 years ago, I was in Form 2. I was 12 throughout my Form 2.
Yes, its surprising, but I skipped standard 4 and I was born in December.
So yes, I was 12 years old when I was in Form 2.
I was 15 when I did my SPM. Only about a week later did I turn 16.
I finished my matriculation when I was 17.
I graduated and went for my convocation before my 22nd birthday.
Compared to most of my peers, I'm always the youngest.
Although its just a one year difference, some people never made me forget it.
Not in a positive way.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me. Confidence-wise, I was pretty much screwed back then.
See, if you're a younger girl, apparently guys dig that, so you're good.
But if you're a younger boy, girls don't really dig that so much.
And this fact was made clear to me, especially so by the girl I was kinda sorta going out with when I was in matriculation.
FYI, was never my gf, but close. (disclaimer in case pesky cousins still read my blog. haha)
She kept pointing out the fact that I was younger. Said that my immaturity was due to this one year gap between us.
In my opinion I think it was her that was being immature.
But in the end I think she did fall for me. And I did fall for her.
But only in the beginning. I found out she wasn't what I wanted.
So after matriculation, we went our separate ways, to put it politely.
Anyways, this wasn't what I wanted to talk about.
Sometimes I felt as if life went by faster than it should.
Because of people like this, life went too fast, and all too slow at the same time.
But after awhile, I became more mature, and these things don't bother me as much.
'As much' being the key word(s) here.
In case any pesky cousins are reading, no I don't have a gf, I've had close friends, but no gfs.
Close calls, but no gfs. Haha.
(Mungkin boleh sebarkan berita ini kepada family Haji Arshad supaya tak ada la tiap2 kali family gathering asyik kena tanya soalan sama je.)
Okay i should be trying to go back to sleep again. I need to wake up in another hour.
And I will disappear from the online world for a bit. Just for fun. Just to see how long I can last.
So, till we meet again. Take care. All the best. Sleep tight. Sweet dreams.
Peace.
Probably due to my bloated stomach.
I've got to wake up at 4 30 tomorrow. And at 2 am, I cant sleep.
Maybe that dream woke me up.
Yes, I had a dream. Someone was getting dumped.
No it was not me, that was doing the dumping, or the one being dumped.
It seemed like I was observing from afar. Maybe stalking from afar.
At least that's what my heart is telling me.
Funny, how I dream about other people.
Its really funny when you think about.
How humans really need other humans in order to survive.
Would someone die if he had no contact whatsoever with another human?
Probably not.
Would he go crazy by the time he died?
Probably.
Plus, the first human ever, before being sent down to Earth, lived in Heaven.
He had all that he could possibly want there, yet he felt as if something was amiss.
He felt.. alone. So God created him a partner, to keep him company.
I guess its programmed inside our brains.
We need a partner in life, one from the opposite gender.
After all, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
This has almost nothing to do with what I dreamt earlier.
I'm just killing time.
I said recently that I feel like disappearing. I meant it.
Not disappear as in "missing persons" disappear, just keeping under the radar.
I don't know why. Sometimes I just feel like it.
Despite efforts, I can't seem to go back the way I was 10 years ago.
No social life whatsoever, always stuck in front of the computer.
And I was happy. I had no interest in going out whatsoever.
I went to the movies with my family, and thats about it.
Did not hang out with friends outside of school.
10 years ago, I was in Form 2. I was 12 throughout my Form 2.
Yes, its surprising, but I skipped standard 4 and I was born in December.
So yes, I was 12 years old when I was in Form 2.
I was 15 when I did my SPM. Only about a week later did I turn 16.
I finished my matriculation when I was 17.
I graduated and went for my convocation before my 22nd birthday.
Compared to most of my peers, I'm always the youngest.
Although its just a one year difference, some people never made me forget it.
Not in a positive way.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me. Confidence-wise, I was pretty much screwed back then.
See, if you're a younger girl, apparently guys dig that, so you're good.
But if you're a younger boy, girls don't really dig that so much.
And this fact was made clear to me, especially so by the girl I was kinda sorta going out with when I was in matriculation.
FYI, was never my gf, but close. (disclaimer in case pesky cousins still read my blog. haha)
She kept pointing out the fact that I was younger. Said that my immaturity was due to this one year gap between us.
In my opinion I think it was her that was being immature.
But in the end I think she did fall for me. And I did fall for her.
But only in the beginning. I found out she wasn't what I wanted.
So after matriculation, we went our separate ways, to put it politely.
Anyways, this wasn't what I wanted to talk about.
Sometimes I felt as if life went by faster than it should.
Because of people like this, life went too fast, and all too slow at the same time.
But after awhile, I became more mature, and these things don't bother me as much.
'As much' being the key word(s) here.
In case any pesky cousins are reading, no I don't have a gf, I've had close friends, but no gfs.
Close calls, but no gfs. Haha.
(Mungkin boleh sebarkan berita ini kepada family Haji Arshad supaya tak ada la tiap2 kali family gathering asyik kena tanya soalan sama je.)
Okay i should be trying to go back to sleep again. I need to wake up in another hour.
And I will disappear from the online world for a bit. Just for fun. Just to see how long I can last.
So, till we meet again. Take care. All the best. Sleep tight. Sweet dreams.
Peace.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Remembering Him.
It is a pity I had only thought of writing this article after our beloved's birthday, but as they say better late than never.
We've all heard stories of how incredible our Prophet is, but the one that I really connected with, other than this, is the story I'm about to write here.
Once upon a time, our beloved Prophet was fasting with his wife Aisyah. On the first day, when it was time to break fast, they only food they had was four pieces of kurma
. So our Prophet took two, and his wife took two, and they ate.
On the second day, they only had two pieces of kurma with them. So they made do with what they had and they both took a piece to break their fast.
On the third day, all they had was one single piece of kurma. Seeing this, our Prophet divided that one single piece of kurma into four equal pieces. Three pieces he gave to Aisyah, one piece he took for himself.
So before breaking fast, he held up his hands to make doa. As the story goes, they were apparently being watched by two angels nearby, and when Rasulullah held up his hands, they were afraid.
They were afraid that if in the doa Rasulullah mentioned about the lack of food, and they just stood there and watched, they would face Allah's wrath. So they decided to do something about it.
The first angel materialized himself in front of Rasulullah. He then said to him, "Ya Rasulullah, I am the guardian of the seas. Say the word, and I shall bring forth to you from the deepest depths of the ocean, a most exquisite dish that no one before you has ever tasted."
But Rasulullah said nothing.
The second angel then tried his luck. He then materialized himself and said to our Prophet, "Ya Rasulullah, I am the guardian of the earth. Say the word, and I shall extract from the very centre of the earth, minerals of immense value, which will bring wealth beyond measure not only to you, but even to your children's children."
But again, Rasulullah did not respond.
He then proceeded to make his doa, which in Bahasa Malaysia can be roughly translated as:
"Hanya Engkau yang aku maksudkan, dan keredhaan-Mu yang aku tuntuti."
And he then ate his kurma.
Why is this particular story so touching to me?
First of all, everything happens according to God's will. It is His will that we are who we are today, be it rich or poor, naughty or nice.
In other words, it is God's will, and God's will alone that our Prophet had only one piece of kurma that fateful day. And it is God's will that the two angels sitting there, offered what they had offered.
So our Prophet, knowing this, also knows that if God had wished for him to live in the lap of luxury, he would already be so. So despite the unbelievably tempting offers by the two angels, he declined. He accepted his fate.
How many of us are happy with what we have? We live extremely luxurious lifestyles as compared to our Prophet, yet are we satisfied? We still crave more.
If we can't be thankful with what we have now, how can we be so sure that we will be thankful when we get what we crave so much?
And also, when we ask for more, do we act as if we know whats best for us? Perhaps more is less. And what we have at the moment is the best. God should know whats best for us, don't you think?
Secondly, the word 'tuntut' in this context means 'to study, or to learn' as in 'penuntut Universiti', not 'penuntut hutang'. Therefore, when our Prophet said " keredhaan-Mu yang aku tuntuti", it can be interpreted as our Rasulullah is learning or trying to understand what God has planned for him.
In other words, he does not fully understand why he is in the condition that he is, but he accepts that what God gave him is the best, and he tries to comprehend it.
When you think about it, no man wants to see his wife having only 3/4 of a date to break fast with. No man wants that. But he believes 100% that God knows whats best for him, and thus it is only down to him to try and comprehend the reason behind it all.
So with that humility in mind, he only points out that he is learning what God has given him, and dares not ask even the slightest bit more.
It truly brings a tear to my eye sometimes when this story comes to mind. How humble, how faithful a servant to God our Prophet is. We all know that he is created to perfection, yet perhaps what we don't realize is that there is also immense effort on his part to actually be perfect.
We know that he is perfect. But we must also never forget that he is human. If he is the ideal condition for a human being and it is impossible to be like him, if we can reach even 10% of what he is like, if that were to be your lifetime achievement, you would have lived an incredible life.
In essence, this story was told to me by my father as it is, but there may be slight inaccuracies within the details. Also, the interpretations for the most part are mine alone, I do not claim it be accurate nor true, only my humblest of opinions and thoughts.
Peace.
We've all heard stories of how incredible our Prophet is, but the one that I really connected with, other than this, is the story I'm about to write here.
Once upon a time, our beloved Prophet was fasting with his wife Aisyah. On the first day, when it was time to break fast, they only food they had was four pieces of kurma
. So our Prophet took two, and his wife took two, and they ate.
On the second day, they only had two pieces of kurma with them. So they made do with what they had and they both took a piece to break their fast.
On the third day, all they had was one single piece of kurma. Seeing this, our Prophet divided that one single piece of kurma into four equal pieces. Three pieces he gave to Aisyah, one piece he took for himself.
So before breaking fast, he held up his hands to make doa. As the story goes, they were apparently being watched by two angels nearby, and when Rasulullah held up his hands, they were afraid.
They were afraid that if in the doa Rasulullah mentioned about the lack of food, and they just stood there and watched, they would face Allah's wrath. So they decided to do something about it.
The first angel materialized himself in front of Rasulullah. He then said to him, "Ya Rasulullah, I am the guardian of the seas. Say the word, and I shall bring forth to you from the deepest depths of the ocean, a most exquisite dish that no one before you has ever tasted."
But Rasulullah said nothing.
The second angel then tried his luck. He then materialized himself and said to our Prophet, "Ya Rasulullah, I am the guardian of the earth. Say the word, and I shall extract from the very centre of the earth, minerals of immense value, which will bring wealth beyond measure not only to you, but even to your children's children."
But again, Rasulullah did not respond.
He then proceeded to make his doa, which in Bahasa Malaysia can be roughly translated as:
"Hanya Engkau yang aku maksudkan, dan keredhaan-Mu yang aku tuntuti."
And he then ate his kurma.
Why is this particular story so touching to me?
First of all, everything happens according to God's will. It is His will that we are who we are today, be it rich or poor, naughty or nice.
In other words, it is God's will, and God's will alone that our Prophet had only one piece of kurma that fateful day. And it is God's will that the two angels sitting there, offered what they had offered.
So our Prophet, knowing this, also knows that if God had wished for him to live in the lap of luxury, he would already be so. So despite the unbelievably tempting offers by the two angels, he declined. He accepted his fate.
How many of us are happy with what we have? We live extremely luxurious lifestyles as compared to our Prophet, yet are we satisfied? We still crave more.
If we can't be thankful with what we have now, how can we be so sure that we will be thankful when we get what we crave so much?
And also, when we ask for more, do we act as if we know whats best for us? Perhaps more is less. And what we have at the moment is the best. God should know whats best for us, don't you think?
Secondly, the word 'tuntut' in this context means 'to study, or to learn' as in 'penuntut Universiti', not 'penuntut hutang'. Therefore, when our Prophet said " keredhaan-Mu yang aku tuntuti", it can be interpreted as our Rasulullah is learning or trying to understand what God has planned for him.
In other words, he does not fully understand why he is in the condition that he is, but he accepts that what God gave him is the best, and he tries to comprehend it.
When you think about it, no man wants to see his wife having only 3/4 of a date to break fast with. No man wants that. But he believes 100% that God knows whats best for him, and thus it is only down to him to try and comprehend the reason behind it all.
So with that humility in mind, he only points out that he is learning what God has given him, and dares not ask even the slightest bit more.
It truly brings a tear to my eye sometimes when this story comes to mind. How humble, how faithful a servant to God our Prophet is. We all know that he is created to perfection, yet perhaps what we don't realize is that there is also immense effort on his part to actually be perfect.
We know that he is perfect. But we must also never forget that he is human. If he is the ideal condition for a human being and it is impossible to be like him, if we can reach even 10% of what he is like, if that were to be your lifetime achievement, you would have lived an incredible life.
In essence, this story was told to me by my father as it is, but there may be slight inaccuracies within the details. Also, the interpretations for the most part are mine alone, I do not claim it be accurate nor true, only my humblest of opinions and thoughts.
Peace.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Seeing through the eyes of a Geekazoid.
I think after so many months of not writing anything proper, this particular post pretty much covers it back. Its long, be warned.
Before I moved here, i.e Four-eyed Geekazoid, my blog was called Life, as I see it. It was exactly what it was called. It was life, mine, others, whoevers, as I see it. It may not necessarily be right, but thats how i see it. And when you read the blog, or sometimes when i read it back, i can really see through the eyes of younger me.
When i read the earlier posts, I can see how I was back then. I see how I progressed, my writing becomes more matured supposedly, becoming more thoughtful rather than more rubbish-y (although the rubbish is usually the fun stuff, no one wants to be serious all the time).
Old people always say wisdom comes with age, but you never really believe them when they say it. You, or in this case, I'd nod in agreement, but in my heart I'd say what a load of tartar sauce. haha.
Its been 4 years since i started blogging, well, to be exact 1 more month till its 4 years, the first entry on the previous blog was in March. And it takes me 4 years to realize what they were saying weren't bollocks after all.
For the most inexplicable of reasons, ever since I started working, the only thing I can talk about when having deep conversations with close work friends is about life. How is life nowadays, how life was before, what life is going to be like. When you grow up, you tend to worry more. You never worry about these sort of things when you were studying.
Really, when you think about it, sure while studying, you sometimes think about what you're going to be when you graduate, when you're going to start a family, etc2, but only when you graduate, only when you step into the real world do these things hit you smack! in the face, like a brick thrown by a professional brick-maker / thrower, if there ever was such a thing.
I worry. Yes, almost every day. I just try not to show it, because that's who I am. I am not one who shows his true emotions easily. I worry almost every single day, what I will be like one year from now, will I like what I'm doing, will I be happy with my life, will I be stable financially, will I be able to afford to start a family, all sorts of nonsensical rubbish.
Even then, I still consider myself lucky, seeing as how I still have freedom to do the things that I want, for example if I wanted to quit my job today, I'd still be okay. I can't imagine the things people endure when they're married, even more so when they're with children. They don't really have the luxury to do the things they wanted to do, they're bound to their spouse, they're bound to their children, and the responsibilities towards these people.
I sometimes meet people in the plant that are clearly unhappy with their work, they make no effort whatsoever to conceal it, but they still have to work. "Anak bini nak makan apa kalau berhenti? Kerja je la, nak hidup".
Sometimes people are so eager to get married, girls especially, but do they realize the responsibilities that comes with marriage? Its not just the ultimate gesture of commitment (for girls i think) or a way to legally get laid (for guys rofl), it is a binding contract that comes with heavy responsibilities that sometimes requires you to do things that you do not want.
But of course, it does come with its benefits.... rofl.
I have found over the years the importance of being social. Sometimes it is not something i feel like doing. "I have my group of friends, why do I need more again?", is what my brain would say. But in certain occasions, when you don't know anyone, you have to be social. Its just something that you have to conjure up, kinda like confidence. Plus you never know if that person you're talking is quite the interesting fella, and you'd definitely want to be friends with.
Speaking about confidence, I usually lack the confidence to talk to new people. I seem to have no problem with public speaking or interviews though, but when its one on one, like a social thing, i have problems. When its an interview, of course you get nervous, but I just suck it up and suddenly I'm all confident. When its one on one, its harder! I have no idea why that is. Most people have it backwards i think. Or maybe I'm the one backwards.
Oh, that reminds me, answer to encrypted message is I don't care anymore. Let it be so.Message is actually referring to the status of the interview i went to before. They still haven't given an answer, and I'm kinda tired of waiting. Congrats to those that figured it out! You have just won....
... nothing really.
And that little bit of information reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend KB. about catalysts. sometimes in life I need catalysts to push me to do stuff. It can be a certain someone, or a pressing situation, but I would often need a catalyst to react more quickly and more agressively. If not, I would just be like Patrick and watch as life, or a special someone, or a golden opportunity pass me by.
But that's just who I am. I can't help it. Maybe you can. And maybe I can help you. That's what friends are for, they say.
I've been truly blessed to have met and befriended the people that I know today, I would be absolutely lost and confused without them (you guys included), and though my ego does not allow me to show it, know that my heart cares deeply for each and every one of you.
My heart is so happy sometimes that I can't help but smile when I see you. My brain is telling me " keep it cool bruh! stop smiling!" but I just can't help it. haha. That's just who I am.
So cheers, assuming that you've actually read through the entire post,you've discovered a different side of your quiet friend today, and to avoid further damage to my ego, I shall stop here.
Till next time dear friend, peace.
Before I moved here, i.e Four-eyed Geekazoid, my blog was called Life, as I see it. It was exactly what it was called. It was life, mine, others, whoevers, as I see it. It may not necessarily be right, but thats how i see it. And when you read the blog, or sometimes when i read it back, i can really see through the eyes of younger me.
When i read the earlier posts, I can see how I was back then. I see how I progressed, my writing becomes more matured supposedly, becoming more thoughtful rather than more rubbish-y (although the rubbish is usually the fun stuff, no one wants to be serious all the time).
Old people always say wisdom comes with age, but you never really believe them when they say it. You, or in this case, I'd nod in agreement, but in my heart I'd say what a load of tartar sauce. haha.
Its been 4 years since i started blogging, well, to be exact 1 more month till its 4 years, the first entry on the previous blog was in March. And it takes me 4 years to realize what they were saying weren't bollocks after all.
For the most inexplicable of reasons, ever since I started working, the only thing I can talk about when having deep conversations with close work friends is about life. How is life nowadays, how life was before, what life is going to be like. When you grow up, you tend to worry more. You never worry about these sort of things when you were studying.
Really, when you think about it, sure while studying, you sometimes think about what you're going to be when you graduate, when you're going to start a family, etc2, but only when you graduate, only when you step into the real world do these things hit you smack! in the face, like a brick thrown by a professional brick-maker / thrower, if there ever was such a thing.
I worry. Yes, almost every day. I just try not to show it, because that's who I am. I am not one who shows his true emotions easily. I worry almost every single day, what I will be like one year from now, will I like what I'm doing, will I be happy with my life, will I be stable financially, will I be able to afford to start a family, all sorts of nonsensical rubbish.
Even then, I still consider myself lucky, seeing as how I still have freedom to do the things that I want, for example if I wanted to quit my job today, I'd still be okay. I can't imagine the things people endure when they're married, even more so when they're with children. They don't really have the luxury to do the things they wanted to do, they're bound to their spouse, they're bound to their children, and the responsibilities towards these people.
I sometimes meet people in the plant that are clearly unhappy with their work, they make no effort whatsoever to conceal it, but they still have to work. "Anak bini nak makan apa kalau berhenti? Kerja je la, nak hidup".
Sometimes people are so eager to get married, girls especially, but do they realize the responsibilities that comes with marriage? Its not just the ultimate gesture of commitment (for girls i think) or a way to legally get laid (for guys rofl), it is a binding contract that comes with heavy responsibilities that sometimes requires you to do things that you do not want.
But of course, it does come with its benefits.... rofl.
I have found over the years the importance of being social. Sometimes it is not something i feel like doing. "I have my group of friends, why do I need more again?", is what my brain would say. But in certain occasions, when you don't know anyone, you have to be social. Its just something that you have to conjure up, kinda like confidence. Plus you never know if that person you're talking is quite the interesting fella, and you'd definitely want to be friends with.
Speaking about confidence, I usually lack the confidence to talk to new people. I seem to have no problem with public speaking or interviews though, but when its one on one, like a social thing, i have problems. When its an interview, of course you get nervous, but I just suck it up and suddenly I'm all confident. When its one on one, its harder! I have no idea why that is. Most people have it backwards i think. Or maybe I'm the one backwards.
Oh, that reminds me, answer to encrypted message is I don't care anymore. Let it be so.Message is actually referring to the status of the interview i went to before. They still haven't given an answer, and I'm kinda tired of waiting. Congrats to those that figured it out! You have just won....
... nothing really.
And that little bit of information reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend KB. about catalysts. sometimes in life I need catalysts to push me to do stuff. It can be a certain someone, or a pressing situation, but I would often need a catalyst to react more quickly and more agressively. If not, I would just be like Patrick and watch as life, or a special someone, or a golden opportunity pass me by.
But that's just who I am. I can't help it. Maybe you can. And maybe I can help you. That's what friends are for, they say.
I've been truly blessed to have met and befriended the people that I know today, I would be absolutely lost and confused without them (you guys included), and though my ego does not allow me to show it, know that my heart cares deeply for each and every one of you.
My heart is so happy sometimes that I can't help but smile when I see you. My brain is telling me " keep it cool bruh! stop smiling!" but I just can't help it. haha. That's just who I am.
So cheers, assuming that you've actually read through the entire post,you've discovered a different side of your quiet friend today, and to avoid further damage to my ego, I shall stop here.
Till next time dear friend, peace.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
happy thoughts.
my mind is full of depressing thoughts, that i can't help but write about depressing topics. i shall try to write about happier things.
i skipped work today. yeay. i went out for a late night movie, ended up going back home extremely late. so i decided to skip work. luckily someone was there to cover for me. note to self : you may not have a social life after this.
i went to singapore recently. for an interview. by plane. which was paid for by the company doing the interview. it was only for a day, but i got to meet up with a friend, so it was fun.
my probation period was cut short and i was made permanent staff 3 months earlier. great stuff. and i got me a small raise. wiee~
ive turned 22, turning 23. people say i look older though. which is their way of saying "it sucks that I'm a lot older than you".
im grateful that im not burdened by thoughts of marriage, and im free to do whatever the hell i want with my money instead of spending thousands of hard-earned cash collected over the years for some one-day grandiose event.
well, not yet anyways.
im grateful and happy that i do not have a girlfriend that basically sucks my pocket dry in order to satiate her craving for high-end fashion accessories.
its true, ive seen it happen. or see it happening still. forgive my harsh tone on this topic, but i just cant help but hate golddiggers. maybe not 100% true golddiggers, but still taking advantage of boyfriends money and affections.
i am grateful that despite my average salary, i am able to save some money for future use and at the same time give some allowance for my parents and brother AND grandmother. considering the fact that other people with huge paychecks cant even save some cash for themselves.
i am grateful that i am still blessed with good health, peaceful life.
there are lots more stuffs that i'm grateful for, but the last one i wanna say hear before i go to sleep is that i'm grateful that I can be grateful, when others are not able to do so.
things that happened in the past year have made me change my perspective on life. i can't really say what has changed, but its for the better. rather than focusing on what i think i want and what i feel i need, i focus more on the effort, rather than the objectives.
because truthfully speaking, despite being a 100% sure, we never really know whats best for us. could be the thing that we want the most, would be the worst thing that ever happened to us, and vice versa.
one door closes, another opens. things always happen for a reason. there are no coincidences.
so i do my best, and let Him take it from there.
Unlike us, God knows what he's doing. Have faith.
peace.
i skipped work today. yeay. i went out for a late night movie, ended up going back home extremely late. so i decided to skip work. luckily someone was there to cover for me. note to self : you may not have a social life after this.
i went to singapore recently. for an interview. by plane. which was paid for by the company doing the interview. it was only for a day, but i got to meet up with a friend, so it was fun.
my probation period was cut short and i was made permanent staff 3 months earlier. great stuff. and i got me a small raise. wiee~
ive turned 22, turning 23. people say i look older though. which is their way of saying "it sucks that I'm a lot older than you".
im grateful that im not burdened by thoughts of marriage, and im free to do whatever the hell i want with my money instead of spending thousands of hard-earned cash collected over the years for some one-day grandiose event.
well, not yet anyways.
im grateful and happy that i do not have a girlfriend that basically sucks my pocket dry in order to satiate her craving for high-end fashion accessories.
its true, ive seen it happen. or see it happening still. forgive my harsh tone on this topic, but i just cant help but hate golddiggers. maybe not 100% true golddiggers, but still taking advantage of boyfriends money and affections.
i am grateful that despite my average salary, i am able to save some money for future use and at the same time give some allowance for my parents and brother AND grandmother. considering the fact that other people with huge paychecks cant even save some cash for themselves.
i am grateful that i am still blessed with good health, peaceful life.
there are lots more stuffs that i'm grateful for, but the last one i wanna say hear before i go to sleep is that i'm grateful that I can be grateful, when others are not able to do so.
things that happened in the past year have made me change my perspective on life. i can't really say what has changed, but its for the better. rather than focusing on what i think i want and what i feel i need, i focus more on the effort, rather than the objectives.
because truthfully speaking, despite being a 100% sure, we never really know whats best for us. could be the thing that we want the most, would be the worst thing that ever happened to us, and vice versa.
one door closes, another opens. things always happen for a reason. there are no coincidences.
so i do my best, and let Him take it from there.
Unlike us, God knows what he's doing. Have faith.
peace.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Need You
I wrote two posts, but couldn't post them up, because some things are just best left unsaid.
Have faith, will regain confidence to write soon enough. *crosses fingers.
here's a nice video though. despite the pop genre, it has very nice lyrics.
Peace.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Ramblings of a madman 2
Is it my destiny to live out a normal life? To have nothing significant to be remembered by?
I look at the people in this factory, and they do the same thing day after day after day, as do I.
Should I perish today, would it be that hard to replace me?
Despite my best efforts, I'm still learning and it would take years for me to really prove myself.
Sometimes in life, we realize that although we try, we never really have any control over what happens. But that does not mean we won't try. Or that we shouldn't.
Life is tiring. And very repetitive. Sun goes up, sun goes down, moon comes up, moon comes down. Repeat.
I look at the people in this factory, and I wonder, do they not get bored of doing the same thing over and over again? How can they be so nonchalant about something that they're wasting their life with? Is there no passion at all?
Will I turn into them? A mindless drone that simply does as he is told.
Work is no fun. This I have learned. Experience is extremely important. Must have something to look forward to, to be motivated enough to wake up in the morning.
In a factory full of guys, the sight of girls is always a welcome sight.
A guy will always need a girl. No matter what the guy says. Doesn't have to be a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, just a girl to hang out with is good enough.
I don't really see her that way. Or maybe not yet. Haha. Probably shouldn't. Never a nice thing to fool around with people's girlfriends.
But sometimes not so nice things can be fun. Muahaha. Such an evil person.
But I do know I'm trying to be good. Still not there yet though. But I'm trying. That counts for something.
Its not easy for someone to be good. Its hard. But so long as we try to achieve the best we can, we're headed in the right direction.
Even if we mess up in the middle, its still ok.
I do not want to be a mindless drone. Nor do I want to be a drone with a mind, stuck somewhere I do not want to be, desperate for a change.
Must look for something to look forward to. Now I'm just living life one step at a time.
I'm afraid of making mistakes. But it is inevitable in the learning process. You learn better with mistakes. Must learn to be tougher when handling mistakes, and along the way, reduce frequency of occurance.
Is it important to have a career according to what you studied? Is it wrong to be a simpleton when you studied one of the supposedly toughest engineering course in the world?
Does the knowledge gained previously go to waste?
Technically speaking there's nothing wrong. A job is a job is a job. As long as it pays. If it doesn't, then that's volunteer work. haha.
But sometimes, the heart wants what it wants.
The heart is a weak organ. The heart that pumps blood is quite strong, but the heart that controls your emotions (figuratively speaking) is weak. It is easily swayed by outside opinion, more often than not uses completely illogical reasoning, BUT despite all this, we listen to it more than we listen to our brains.
Because supposedly the heart never lies.
But that doesn't mean the heart is always right. The heart is stupid. The brain is clever.
Perfect balance between both will set you on the right path.
Peace
I look at the people in this factory, and they do the same thing day after day after day, as do I.
Should I perish today, would it be that hard to replace me?
Despite my best efforts, I'm still learning and it would take years for me to really prove myself.
Sometimes in life, we realize that although we try, we never really have any control over what happens. But that does not mean we won't try. Or that we shouldn't.
Life is tiring. And very repetitive. Sun goes up, sun goes down, moon comes up, moon comes down. Repeat.
I look at the people in this factory, and I wonder, do they not get bored of doing the same thing over and over again? How can they be so nonchalant about something that they're wasting their life with? Is there no passion at all?
Will I turn into them? A mindless drone that simply does as he is told.
Work is no fun. This I have learned. Experience is extremely important. Must have something to look forward to, to be motivated enough to wake up in the morning.
In a factory full of guys, the sight of girls is always a welcome sight.
A guy will always need a girl. No matter what the guy says. Doesn't have to be a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, just a girl to hang out with is good enough.
I don't really see her that way. Or maybe not yet. Haha. Probably shouldn't. Never a nice thing to fool around with people's girlfriends.
But sometimes not so nice things can be fun. Muahaha. Such an evil person.
But I do know I'm trying to be good. Still not there yet though. But I'm trying. That counts for something.
Its not easy for someone to be good. Its hard. But so long as we try to achieve the best we can, we're headed in the right direction.
Even if we mess up in the middle, its still ok.
I do not want to be a mindless drone. Nor do I want to be a drone with a mind, stuck somewhere I do not want to be, desperate for a change.
Must look for something to look forward to. Now I'm just living life one step at a time.
I'm afraid of making mistakes. But it is inevitable in the learning process. You learn better with mistakes. Must learn to be tougher when handling mistakes, and along the way, reduce frequency of occurance.
Is it important to have a career according to what you studied? Is it wrong to be a simpleton when you studied one of the supposedly toughest engineering course in the world?
Does the knowledge gained previously go to waste?
Technically speaking there's nothing wrong. A job is a job is a job. As long as it pays. If it doesn't, then that's volunteer work. haha.
But sometimes, the heart wants what it wants.
The heart is a weak organ. The heart that pumps blood is quite strong, but the heart that controls your emotions (figuratively speaking) is weak. It is easily swayed by outside opinion, more often than not uses completely illogical reasoning, BUT despite all this, we listen to it more than we listen to our brains.
Because supposedly the heart never lies.
But that doesn't mean the heart is always right. The heart is stupid. The brain is clever.
Perfect balance between both will set you on the right path.
Peace
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