Thursday, April 26, 2012

Sorry, conflicting egos.

A bit of drama in the office at the moment.

Someone isn't exactly on speaking terms with me right now.

And there's a girl involved.

It all started when this very pretty girl started working here.

Like moths to a flame in the night, all the guys immediately took notice and flocked towards her.

(As usual, disclaimer : She's a nice girl and all, but no, I didn't try anything.)

There's this one particular guy, lets call him Mr Satellite.

The nickname comes from his movement pattern being somewhat similar to the orbit of the Moon, circling around the Earth.

The Earth being her.

She is his world.

Okay exaggeration, but you get the idea.

He's not the most subtle suitor, to be honest.

He comes around every day to her place, makes idle conversation, (my place is quite close to hers btw), chats with the people around her to not make it look so obvious, then slowly (but surely) ends up talking with her.

10 points for effort.

Me and this girl, we chit chat every now and then, so at one point in time, I guessed that he guessed that Im trying to woo her as well. (Guesseption)

Well, not really a guess, i know he thinks im trying for her, because he indirectly asked me.

To which I told him, I'm rooting for him actually.

Which made him more pumped up, seeing me out of the picture.

I don't what is it with guys seeing me as such a threat, I'm as harmless as a guinea pig.

Albeit a very devious guinea pig.

To be honest, I just wanted to see how far he would get.

It was gonna be a social experiment of sorts.

He was the guinea pig.

I know, I'm evil, but that didn't mean I was all out against him.

I really did pray for him when he asked me.

Even though at the time I thought of how lame it was to ask me to pray for him and her, I prayed for him earnestly nonetheless.

Recently, something happened.

He suddenly stopped coming to her place anymore.

No more daily visits, no more chit chats with absolute strangers near her, not even a peep.

I figured something must have happened between him and her.

Subtlety not being my strong suit as well, I asked her.

No comment, she said.

Something must've happened, but she's not telling.

If he's only avoiding her, that's understandable, if you've been rejected by a girl, the last thing you want is to face her everyday.

But why is he avoiding me too?

Sure, I may have made a joke or two with my friends about the ridiculously sappy things he said to me with regards to this girl, but he doesn't know that.

Or does he? Hmm.

Even so, I'd like to think that that wouldn't warrant a total halt of social interactions with me.

He used to bug me almost every day up to a point I was annoyed someone was bugging my me-time, and it was a dude. -_-"

Now, nothing, except for the nonchalant 'hey's when we pass each other in the office.

In all honesty, I feel bad for indirectly talking him into it and using him as a guinea pig.

'It' here  being whatever it is that he did that resulted in this awkward atmosphere.

Never meant for his feelings to get hurt.

But then again, he was gonna do it anyways, I was just indirectly speeding up the process.

The guinea pig thing though, yeah that was pure evil on my part.

My hypothesis was that if a guy (guy being "any" guy) tried hard enough, any girl would be attainable. Because sometimes I see that girls are like so easy.

Well, I got my answer.


The things I write are based on my observation, from my point of view, therefore all of this may just be inside my head.

For all I know he could just be very busy this week.

And last week.

And found a new path through the office that doesn't require him to pass by her every day.

But what do I know.

To be honest I haven't given this much thought, I have been too busy with work.

However, I do know for a fact that most men have ego the size of mountains.

We will never admit that we are hurt, or that we are weak, or even that we have failed.

We just keep quiet and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Which is what I'm seeing now.

In my humblest of opinions, one of the reasons why I think I've matured as a person is that I no longer feel the need to constantly give in to my ego.

I am willing to admit that I make mistakes, I am willing to admit that I'm not perfect, and in its simplest form, being able to say sorry.

You know that song "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Elton John?

Ironic how its when I CAN say I'm sorry that I'm able to truly understand what the song means.

Which brings me to the title of this particular post, and the story that came to mind when I first thought of it.

Once upon a time, Iblis Laknatullah met Musa Alaihissalam.

Iblis said to Prophet Musa " I wish to repent. Please ask God for my forgiveness."

One of Prophet Musa's unique 'miracles' was that he could speak to God directly.

So when he was conversing with God, he relayed the message of Iblis.

To which God replied that all he has to do to be forgiven is to bow at the grave of Prophet Adam Alaihissalam.

Iblis refused, saying that if he refused to bow down to Adam even when Adam was alive and in his prime, he most definitely won't do so when he is dead, a mere shadow of his former self.

This is where ego rears its ugly head. This is what all egoistic men, myself included should try to remember when feeding our egos.

He would rather spend eternity in damnation than bruise his ego and bow down to Adam.

That is how big an ego can get, and by the looks of it, his is one of the biggest.

Because lets be honest, is it worth it?

It is a tricky thing. God knows best.

May God always guide us in fighting our worst enemy.



Sunday, April 1, 2012

Remember to be grateful

This is my first time blogging from my phone, and you know what a pain typing on the phone is, so this'll probably be a very short post.

I love the feeling of being at home. A home is not necessarily the place you stay in. Example, you may be staying at a dorm or an apartment, but that may not be your home. Home, as they say, is where the heart is. The house you're staying in may not be entirely comfortable, or you may not even be indoors, on a bus or a train perhaps, you'd still feel at home.

I suddenly lost track of what I wanted to write about. Sigh. It takes TOO long for me to write anything on this phone. Haha. I guess I just wanted to say it feels good being home in Ipoh.

An old friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer recently. He didn't exactly tell me, we're not exactly that close, but I saw it on Facebook. What astonishes me is his attitude, how positive he is about the whole thing. His Facebook page shows absolutely no hint of sadness or depression, in fact the only thing I saw that told me he has cancer was a comment from him to a friend, informing the friend he has cancer.

What really tugged on my heartstrings (not sure if I'm using this phrase correctly) was a status update of his recently. See, he is undergoing chemo, and from what I understand, chemo is simply put, the doctor injecting poison into your body in order to kill the cancer cells. Problem is, the poison won't exactly differentiate from cancer cells and normal healthy cells, so one of the side effects is hair loss.

One of his recent status updates sounded a bit like this :

"Bangun2 pagi tadi, tengok2 kening aku dah takde. Hahahaha."

Its sad.

It is.

But he hides it well.

And we post up things like "Kill me now" or I wanna die", simply because we're short of money, or we had a bad breakup.

This person is struggling for his life, and manages to even joke about it.

We should be grateful to God for all that we have, for there is so much of it, too much even.

We should even be grateful for the things we don't have.

Never forget Him, whether in good or bad times, He is all that you really have.

My father once said something very insightful.

"Sekiranya Allah itu lupa pada kamu, maka ertinya kamu tak ada dalam ilmu Allah.

Kalau lah Allah tu lupa pada kamu 5 minit sekalipun, kamu akan hilang dari kewujudan.

Dalam 5 minit tu, mak kamu akan cakap, "Aku ada anak laki sorang, tapi aku tak tahu siapa dia".

Isteri kamu akan cakap, "Aku ada suami, tapi aku tak tahu siapa dia"

Kerana, sekiranya tak ada dalam ilmu Allah, mustahil ada dalam ilmu makhluk.

Jadi, persoalannya sekarang ini, daripada kamu lahir sampai lah sekarang, pernah tak sesaat pun Allah Taala lupa pada kamu?

Tetapi, daripada kamu lahir sampailah sekarang ni, berapa lama kamu ingat Allah?"

Remember, never forget.


(written on Motorola Razr Droid, lol)