I wonder how much longer I have to live.
And I wonder what else God has planned for me in that time.
There are days when I feel each second lasts too long. And there are times I wonder where the hours went.
I wonder sometimes whether I'm living my life how it should be lived. Whether I'm wasting the life God has given me.
My grandmother passed away recently. She lived to a ripe old age of 90.
Her death is a very strong reminder to our family, that we're not going to be here forever. Even if sometimes it feels like that.
Every now and then my mind randomly thinks about her, and for a moment I'd feel sad, but in the end, I feel like she's in a better place.
I think the whole family feels that.
I used to be quite afraid to say what I felt, and somewhere deep inside I felt weak for that.
In part this blog was created because of that. Because I had things in my head that I wished to say out loud, but could not due to some reason, or did not have anyone to say it to.
Nowadays, it is the opposite.
I say what I mean and I mean what I say, often times without thinking of the consequences.
I sometimes say or do things people are thinking, but are afraid of doing.
I now sometimes wonder if that's a good thing.
My wife tells me I should always evaluate your audience; very few people want to hear the ugly truth.
Most of us live in denial, and we're happy with that.
I've realized that due to my brutal honesty sometimes, not everyone wants to be friends.
I've probably lost a few potential friends along the way because of this.
We are who we are, at the end of the day. Even if I wanted to be this nice friendly person that everyone liked, it probably goes against my true self.
I never was very good at lying, even less so when I need to lie to myself.
I'm happy with who I turned out to be. Everyone has their flaws, and it is our own personal struggle to overcome our flaws until the day we die.
Till the next one.
