Saturday, January 29, 2011

happy thoughts.

my mind is full of depressing thoughts, that i can't help but write about depressing topics. i shall try to write about happier things.

i skipped work today. yeay. i went out for a late night movie, ended up going back home extremely late. so i decided to skip work. luckily someone was there to cover for me. note to self : you may not have a social life after this.

i went to singapore recently. for an interview. by plane. which was paid for by the company doing the interview. it was only for a day, but i got to meet up with a friend, so it was fun.

my probation period was cut short and i was made permanent staff 3 months earlier. great stuff. and i got me a small raise. wiee~

ive turned 22, turning 23. people say i look older though. which is their way of saying "it sucks that I'm a lot older than you".

im grateful that im not burdened by thoughts of marriage, and im free to do whatever the hell i want with my money instead of spending thousands of hard-earned cash collected over the years for some one-day grandiose event.

well, not yet anyways.

im grateful and happy that i do not have a girlfriend that basically sucks my pocket dry in order to satiate her craving for high-end fashion accessories.

its true, ive seen it happen. or see it happening still. forgive my harsh tone on this topic, but i just cant help but hate golddiggers. maybe not 100% true golddiggers, but still taking advantage of boyfriends money and affections.

i am grateful that despite my average salary, i am able to save some money for future use and at the same time give some allowance for my parents and brother AND grandmother. considering the fact that other people with huge paychecks cant even save some cash for themselves.

i am grateful that i am still blessed with good health, peaceful life.

there are lots more stuffs that i'm grateful for, but the last one i wanna say hear before i go to sleep is that i'm grateful that I can be grateful, when others are not able to do so.

things that happened in the past year have made me change my perspective on life. i can't really say what has changed, but its for the better. rather than focusing on what i think i want and what i feel i need, i focus more on the effort, rather than the objectives.

because truthfully speaking, despite being a 100% sure, we never really know whats best for us. could be the thing that we want the most, would be the worst thing that ever happened to us, and vice versa.

one door closes, another opens. things always happen for a reason. there are no coincidences.

so i do my best, and let Him take it from there.

Unlike us, God knows what he's doing. Have faith.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Need You

I wrote two posts, but couldn't post them up, because some things are just best left unsaid.

Have faith, will regain confidence to write soon enough. *crosses fingers.

here's a nice video though. despite the pop genre, it has very nice lyrics.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

Ramblings of a madman 2

Is it my destiny to live out a normal life? To have nothing significant to be remembered by?

I look at the people in this factory, and they do the same thing day after day after day, as do I.

Should I perish today, would it be that hard to replace me?

Despite my best efforts, I'm still learning and it would take years for me to really prove myself.

Sometimes in life, we realize that although we try, we never really have any control over what happens. But that does not mean we won't try. Or that we shouldn't.

Life is tiring. And very repetitive. Sun goes up, sun goes down, moon comes up, moon comes down. Repeat.

I look at the people in this factory, and I wonder, do they not get bored of doing the same thing over and over again? How can they be so nonchalant about something that they're wasting their life with? Is there no passion at all?

Will I turn into them? A mindless drone that simply does as he is told.

Work is no fun. This I have learned. Experience is extremely important. Must have something to look forward to, to be motivated enough to wake up in the morning.

In a factory full of guys, the sight of girls is always a welcome sight.

A guy will always need a girl. No matter what the guy says. Doesn't have to be a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, just a girl to hang out with is good enough.

I don't really see her that way. Or maybe not yet. Haha. Probably shouldn't. Never a nice thing to fool around with people's girlfriends.

But sometimes not so nice things can be fun. Muahaha. Such an evil person.

But I do know I'm trying to be good. Still not there yet though. But I'm trying. That counts for something.

Its not easy for someone to be good. Its hard. But so long as we try to achieve the best we can, we're headed in the right direction.

Even if we mess up in the middle, its still ok.

I do not want to be a mindless drone. Nor do I want to be a drone with a mind, stuck somewhere I do not want to be, desperate for a change.

Must look for something to look forward to. Now I'm just living life one step at a time.

I'm afraid of making mistakes. But it is inevitable in the learning process. You learn better with mistakes. Must learn to be tougher when handling mistakes, and along the way, reduce frequency of occurance.

Is it important to have a career according to what you studied? Is it wrong to be a simpleton when you studied one of the supposedly toughest engineering course in the world?

Does the knowledge gained previously go to waste?

Technically speaking there's nothing wrong. A job is a job is a job. As long as it pays. If it doesn't, then that's volunteer work. haha.

But sometimes, the heart wants what it wants.

The heart is a weak organ. The heart that pumps blood is quite strong, but the heart that controls your emotions (figuratively speaking) is weak. It is easily swayed by outside opinion, more often than not uses completely illogical reasoning, BUT despite all this, we listen to it more than we listen to our brains.

Because supposedly the heart never lies.

But that doesn't mean the heart is always right. The heart is stupid. The brain is clever.

Perfect balance between both will set you on the right path.