Monday, December 31, 2012

End of Days

So the world did not end this year. Big shocker there.

I don't think many people believed that end-of-the-world, despite all its hype.

It is an interesting topic nevertheless, what would you have done if it was the end of the world?

Would you have lived your life differently?

Would you run to nearest mosque and repent for all your past transgressions?

Would you book the first flight of to Egypt and die in front of the Pyramids?

Or would you perhaps confess your undying love to that special someone on your very last day of existence?

Most interesting indeed.

I thought for awhile on what I would've done had I actually believed it was doomsday.

I don't think I would've done anything differently.

If it was predicted that the world would end at the stroke of midnight, during the day I would probably go to work as usual (assuming people actually went to the office), or go about my normal everyday activities.

Sleep. Play games. Watch movies. Observe as the world reacts.

Usual things.

I do not know this for sure, but I would assume some people would think either I have lost all will to live and have decided to wait for the inevitable end, or that I am unbelievably lazy and cannot be bothered to salvage what precious moments still left to spare.

Almost, but not quite.

I thought of it for a second or two, and I decided, what is there to do?

Did I wish to see the world and marvel at the fascinating sights and cultures?

Did I wish to see myself have a family and grow old with my wife while our own children build their life?

Did I hope to build a successful career doing something that I love (whatever that may be) and buy my parents whatever worldly indulgence that they desired?

Did I wish to be a better person than I already was, perhaps the best person I could be, and leave my mark in this world?

Of course I did.

But what could I possibly have accomplished in that short period of time?

I believe that whatever has happened, has happened for a reason, and whatever did not, was not supposed to.

If the world did end that day, it was not fated to be.

I am not one to go against my fate.

Its funny, how I never cease to complain about my life especially here in this blog, yet I believe in not going against my fate.

Its not to say that I am that person that sits on his ass and waits for things to happen.

Its just that I believe, that whatever I did, whatever I am doing, and whatever I will do in the future, has all been written.

I just don't know what exactly was written.

I'm still trying to figure it out. But aren't we all.

Which reminds me, there is probably one thing I would do differently on my last day.

I probably would contact everyone I have ever known and said I'm sorry for everything.

I can never really tell whether I'm being offensive, because often times I feel like I'm being refreshingly honest, when in fact, nobody wants someone that's REALLY honest.

We just like it when people are honest about things that we like, like how pretty or how smart we are.

We never want to hear things like "Oh you're pregnant, you should probably get maternity clothes rather than pretending those old clothes still fit, coz honey, you're not exactly fooling anyone".

Is what I said in my head of course.... I'm not that evil.

Although I did say something which hinted that.

I should probably apologise to her should the world really end.

One thing I noticed recently, we Malaysians never can disagree on one thing without taking things personal.

When someone says something, its like you're obligated to agree, or else you'll offend the person.

There really is no such thing as agree to disagree here.

At the end of an argument, we nod our heads in agreement, just to avoid confrontation.

We then talk about it behind that person's back. Very typical behaviour.

Sometimes there doesn't even have to be any disagreement. We just like talking bad about other people behind their backs.

Backstabbing SOBs, we are.

Anyways, the reason why I noticed is that most of the people I talk to sometimes disagree to what I say, but when I state my point of views, they suddenly agree on a compromise.

Either I'm incredibly convincing or they just don't wanna argue with me.

Probably both. Haha.

Anyways, I digress. After apologising to everyone, at least people I think I've offended (which would take a few hours), I think I would've just sat down on my prayer mat, and just talked to God.

By this time, the billions of humans on Earth that actually believes in God would probably ask God for forgiveness, but I wonder out of those billions, how many are actually sincere in repenting, and not merely afraid of being punished because they are about to die.

This is not to say that I am pure from any sins, far from it, but if anything, I would like to think that I am sincere in my religious acts.

Truth be told, although my father was somewhat of a religious person, he never really forced me to embrace religion, he merely guided me, and it was largely up to me to decide, even when I was a boy.

As a boy, I would think that I am one of the few that prayed not because I was told to or caned if I didn't, but mostly because I wanted to.

And because there was no cane, I may have skipped a few prayers as well. LOL.

I guess what my father was trying to teach me was that there really is no compulsion in religion, when you do it, do it with all your heart, or why bother doing at all.

There is also the possibility that I may have grossly misunderstood what he was trying to say.

But seriously though, its kinda like when you're speeding above 110km/h on a highway, and you see that AES camera up ahead, so you slow down.

You don't really wanna slow down, but you do it because you're forced to, because you don't wanna pay for the summons.

Unlike that camera and the PDRM, you're not fooling God, He knows your true intentions.

That's the way I understand things anyway. I could be horribly wrong. I know some people think so.

I guess at the very last hour, my entire life would probably flash before my eyes, and I would suddenly be able to remember every good, and every bad thing that I've done.

To repent is to regret in doing, and there are things I hoped I did not do, but it is those things that I have done in the past that become a reminder for me today.

I hope that He forgives me for all that I have done. I hope I hope for this everyday, and not just my very last day.

I am after all merely a puppet in His grand scheme of things.

And after all that, I wait. For the world to end.

What an anti-climactic way to die. Haha.

I'm never really one to show off.

It just sometimes sounds like I'm showing off, when in fact I'm just telling the truth.

Because I'm awesome like that.

Okay that one was a bit show-offy.

Now that we know that the world did not end last week, cheers to the coming new year.

Another year to live.

I shall end this post with some wise words from my brain.

We live today simply to die another day.

However, do not be sad, death is not the end.

It is only the beginning.

Also, don't buy Mayan calendars.