final-years

I'm tired. of all this.

I want to graduate. Like ASAFP.

I know I'll be going like "oh how I miss my uni days" in a few months but I just can't help it. Once you reach the stage where I am, i.e: final year final sem, a sort of lethargy kind of sets in all of a sudden. And can you blame me? If I perform exceptionally well, i.e 4.0 or exceptionally bad, i.e 1.0, at most my cgpa will change by plus minus 0.02.

I have only 5 classes per week. 4 off days. Sometimes 5, because there's only one class on Tuesday and it's really early in the morning (9 am. lol), so I sometimes accidentally, (and sometimes intentionally) "miss" the class. I don't go to tutorials. I mean, I've only gone to a handful of tutorials over the past years and I think I did okay, so why bother really.

Sounds like the best sem ever, but I've still got my FYP and FYDP (final year design project : required for Chem Eng students). Takes up most of my free time. And my holidays even. Which really sucks. I feel like sleeping most of my free time, but by not doing work I'm supposed to do, I'll feel guilty. And the fact other people seem to be as hardworking as ants (not sure if its the right analogy) doesn't really help my conscience.

However, being a senior does have its perks. For one, the juniors supposedly look up and respect you. Theoretically speaking, of course. I've had my housemates, juniors, greeting me and stuff. Though most just don't bother. Which doesn't really bother me, as long as they don't show any disrespect. See, when you're a senior, you (or more specifically, me) develop a sense of pride, of arrogance at how old you are and how you're almost at the finish line.

Not exactly following the way of the paddy (semakin berisi semakin tunduk), but I take it as a good thing. Because for someone with a confidence problem talking to people sometimes, I find myself extremely confident. I find myself no longer hesitating when trying to ask someone for help, no longer thinking twice about voicing my opinions, more vocal on my thoughts and feelings on something, rather than keeping it all to myself. And more friendly and talkative, apparently. haha.

And it shows in other people as well. Guys that weren't confident before (I suppose) to talk to the girl that he was staring at from afar are now going out with that same girl. haha. But I think you shouldn't be that desperate. Nothing wrong with waiting. But nothing wrong with going for it anyways, nothing to lose. I don't really have a point here.

Back to my point on lethargy, it does not affect the things that are non-academic. On the contrary, in your final semester, you suddenly think of all the things you haven't done before and want to do before you graduate, i.e go to the 'new' lakeside for a jog, take swimming lessons, go for roadtrips with friends. As a wise friend once quoted a wise man , "Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment". :)

Also, you feel more connected with your friends, probably because it's almost time to part. You tend to join any activity, any ridiculous activity, just because your friends are going. Its not what you do, its who you do it with. Which reminds me, I'm supposed to have a reunion this month, but so far, nothing. The other guys were supposed to plan it this time around because when I planned it only two out of ten showed up, the others giving all sorts of excuses, some not even bothered to give one. Sigh, sometimes I feel like I'm too sentimental, as if I'm the only one that wants to meet, catch up, etc. Oh well.

Again, referring back to my point of trying new things out, I decided to actually do some exercise this semester. LOL. Honestly, before this I thought, people that go out for jogs are just fat people that are trying to get skinny. I'm skinny as hell, why should I go jogging. If anything I should sleep more to get more buff. haha. But only after the short "jog" around the new UTP lake did I realise how unfit I was. Sure, I was skinny, but that has absolutely nothing to do with my fitness, or my health for that matter. I may not be experiencing obesity problems anytime soon, but I may have problems with my heart for lack of exercise during my youth (macam dah tua sangat. haha).

I felt really pathetic after not being able to jog even the shortest of distance, so I decided to exercise at least once a week from now. This week I went for a swim at the pool. I still was really exhausted after about an hour or so, but was definitely a major improvement from the previous week. The body wants to be fit, only the mind stands in the way. haha.

Also within the realm of trying new stuff out, I decided to read a novel which is most definitely in my regular genre of books, which is fantasy. Okay, a bit within my genre, but only the slightest bit.

Twilight. LOL.

(can't believe I just told the whole world wide web I read this book. -_-")

Can't remember the last time I read something so... full of love. LOL. The stories I usually go for are the Dungeons-and-Dragons, Lord-Of-The-Rings, World-of-Warcraft type of stories. Sometimes these stories do have some hints of romance in them, but not to the level of Twilight. Even if all the books I have ever read were combined into one giant book, it couldn't beat Twilight in terms of romance.

Definitely not my cup of tea, but I try to keep an open mind, and see what is it about the book that girls like so much, that they decided to make a movie (no, make that two movies, another from the sequel) out of it. I haven't actually finished the book, still have a few chapters to go, (I'm now at the part where Bella left her father to run away form the bad vamps) but so far here's what I think.

One, I get why this Edward likes this girl so much. I do. She's interesting to her. Intriguing. He's used to figuring people out, reading people's minds, suddenly he bumps into a girl that's totally different, that he can never figure out. Very interesting indeed. But, what I don't get is why she, (apart from the fact that this guy is very good looking), likes him so much. Macam shallow giler. Sure, later she finds he is quite the charmer, but she didn't know in the beginning.

Okay I feel less masculine after reading the book, even more so after announcing it here, so need to something manly to boost my self-esteem back up. Maybe go for a jog in the morning, buff myself up, yeah sounds manly.... Or MAYBE a short nap before class starts in the afternoon. yeah nap sounds much2 better. and more macho.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man." (Cullen,2005)

Quoting a romance novel, definitely not helping. Argh. Nites.

Take care.

Peace.