Angels and Demons

It's been more than a month since my last post. Ive been busy at work.

I did write something, but it was too angry for my liking, so I scrapped it.

I'll try and be less angry this time around.

I wrote something about how I'm disliking the current celebrity ustaz fab thats going around.

You see people all over facebook and twitter posting stuff up about the sayings and ceramahs of these ustazs.

But to be honest the only reason people like these people so much is because they're funny.

They make religion sound fun.

Take away the jokes, no one wants to listen to them.

Even with the jokes I don't like listening to them, if I'm being honest.

I don't like how these ustazs, educated, religious folk, look down upon those with less religious knowledge and awareness.

They make fun of people that don't know religion that well. Call them names and stuff.

Bodoh macam kambing was the one I heard.

And the audience laughs with them.

"Haha, memang bodoh macam kambing siapa yang tak tau tu.".

What if the person was never brought up in an Islamic background and wanted to change?

Then people promote to him this ustaz.

"Listen to this Ustaz, he is funny, he is good."

So he listens, and finds himself not knowing these very basic Islamic things.

And is likened to a goat.

Its like telling a kindergartner how stupid he is for not knowing how to read.

He will be completely demoralized, and shall avoid the subject of reading altogether.

No one likes being called stupid, in anything at all.

It's as if these religious folks, these learned scholars of our religion, think that hidayah is found, not received.

It's as if they feel they worked hard to be good, it is all their doing, thus they deserve the right to brag and ridicule people.

And expect the ridiculed to take it all humbly and miraculously change into a devout Muslim.

This is not so. This reminds me of a story I once read about the meeting between Iblis and our Prophet.

He told the Prophet, "I do not have the power to turn people astray. I merely have the ability to persuade them. If I did have the power to turn them astray, then not even one of them will be spared. It is the same with you. You are merely the Messenger, you do not have the power to grant hidayah. If you did, then you would save everyone."

Only God can decide who leads the righteous path and who does not.

So with this in mind, how can any man woman or child, be proud and boast of his or her amalan?

You would be guzzling down beer and fornicating like bunnies if not for God's mercy.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you, He just so happens to be in a good mood and wants to spare you from his fiery hells.

Loosely speaking, of course.

I'll be honest, when people ask me to go for these ceramahs, I try my best to find excuses not to go.

Not because I am so lacking in religious knowledge and would be offended, I think I know the ABCs of Islam.

Its because I cannot bring myself to learn from these people.

I can almost hear the arrogance in their voices.

That feeling of superiority over others, that 'holier-than-thou' attitude, travels much faster, and much deeper than what they're actually saying.

A teacher should not impose his or her superiority to his or her students.

A teacher should earnestly, sincerely want to pass on their knowledge.

To help others, not to brag.

You cannot tell me that you have never felt this

That you have never felt that someone is trying to show off.

Or that someone is sincerely trying to teach you something.

I think I should stop here before it turns into an angry post again.

Just in case someone misunderstood what I meant in this post, this does not mean that I feel that I am better than these ulama'.

By all means no, I am very much lacking in both knowledge and amalan.

I am merely saying that a little humility won't hurt.

After all, what are we if not slaves to Him.

Peace.

Random anecdotes.

its a funny thing, life.

it surprises you in ways you can't really imagine.

like how a couple of weeks back, someone said the most random thing to me in an elevator.

i was going back home, and was already in the elevator when I saw a guard rushing out of the office.

i guess its our building's policy for the guard to like patrol every floor at night time, every few hours or so.

i've seen this guard a number of times before, but never really had anything to talk about with him.

so anyways, clearly he was trying to get into the same elevator as me (so that he wouldn't have to wait) so i held it open for him.

he seemed thankful when he entered the elevator, so i simply smiled.

"balik ke dik?", he said, trying to strike up a conversation.

"aah.", i replied, not able to come up with anything more.

"..."

"hari ni saya ada hal sikit, jadi kena balik awal", i added, trying to sound friendly.

despite the time being already 8pm, he didn't say anything of it.

i guess he was used to seeing people from this floor going home late.

what he said next came out of nowhere.

"sebab saya tengok awak ni, macam personaliti tv al-hijrah.."

"haha ye ke" (the laugh was a lot louder than is potrayed)

"haah... jadi awak kerja dulu, kumpul contact.. lepas tu bukak bisnes", he continued.

the lift was already at ground floor.

"erm boleh lah, tunggu 2 3 tahun saya kerja dulu, haha", i said before exiting the elevator.

Guards say the darndest things.

what on earth compelled him to say that, i will probably never know.

he must've been watching for a time, suggested a colleague.

never mind, its really not that important.

i shall keep you guys posted in case a career change is imminent.

the other day, as per the usual, i went out for movies with my colleagues on wednesday night.

we do this every week, you see.

its kinda like a tradition now, we've been doing it since january, at least.

(fyi any of you guys wanna join, you can just let me know, email me or whatever)

So last week's movie was a chick flick : what to expect when you're expecting.

we don't normally go for this type of movies, but that's the only one we haven't watched, so chick flick it is.

my conclusion from that movie is that pregnant women are scary.

they're emotional, mean as hell, cranky all the time, they pee anytime they like, and here's the extremely fun part :

the husband has to be nice to be her no matter what.

it was also my conclusion that i am not ready for marriage yet.

true, it is a movie, its mostly exaggerated to make it a comedy, but still, there is still some truth to it all.

i thought to myself, i am not ready to be a husband just yet, i am far too selfish to be one.

let alone a father.

but life, always has something up his sleeve.

the next day, i went to work as usual, went for lunch like i normally do with my colleagues.

what was abnormal was what transpired after lunch.

i was checking my facebook, when i saw a message notification.

it was a girl.

i didn't recognize the name.

"salam. hi there. did you just have lunch at wisma cosway just now?"

I went from -_- to O_O.

"OMG am i being stalked?! sedikit cuak", I tweeted.

(high 5 to anyone that read that one.)

"wassalam. yes. sorry but who are you?"

"Im no one that you know except that i always bumped into you walking nearby my office. sorry to bother"

ok stalker alert.

long story short, after some digging and stalking of my own, i found out that she has been doing this with a number of people.

i guess she is desperate. or a very agressive yet picky girl. or just likes the thrill of chatting up guys.

i will probably never know, coz after a while i stopped replying to her messages.

here i was thinking "im not ready to be a husband" and along came life and said "oh no you're not gonna give up that easily. here, have a girl".

to be honest, aggressive girls are refreshing. a nice change from all the "im pretty, so call me maybe?" type of girl.

Maybe..... not.

Its actually pretty comfortable being single.

i have no obligations, my work keeps me busy, and on the weekends i normally stay at home and play computer games. and on alternate weekends i balik kampung and see my parents.

life is good, life is simple.

but my parents want to see me get married.

they've been dropping hints so often its no longer subtle.

maybe i should REALLY get off my lazy bum and find them a daughter-in-law.

i know i said i was going to, but i haven't really done anything to actually expedite the process.

i feel like i owe it to them, seeing as how they want it so bad.

hmm.. much to think about....

much to think about.

in the meantime, lets play some Skyrim... lol. joke.

peace.

Sorry, conflicting egos.

A bit of drama in the office at the moment.

Someone isn't exactly on speaking terms with me right now.

And there's a girl involved.

It all started when this very pretty girl started working here.

Like moths to a flame in the night, all the guys immediately took notice and flocked towards her.

(As usual, disclaimer : She's a nice girl and all, but no, I didn't try anything.)

There's this one particular guy, lets call him Mr Satellite.

The nickname comes from his movement pattern being somewhat similar to the orbit of the Moon, circling around the Earth.

The Earth being her.

She is his world.

Okay exaggeration, but you get the idea.

He's not the most subtle suitor, to be honest.

He comes around every day to her place, makes idle conversation, (my place is quite close to hers btw), chats with the people around her to not make it look so obvious, then slowly (but surely) ends up talking with her.

10 points for effort.

Me and this girl, we chit chat every now and then, so at one point in time, I guessed that he guessed that Im trying to woo her as well. (Guesseption)

Well, not really a guess, i know he thinks im trying for her, because he indirectly asked me.

To which I told him, I'm rooting for him actually.

Which made him more pumped up, seeing me out of the picture.

I don't what is it with guys seeing me as such a threat, I'm as harmless as a guinea pig.

Albeit a very devious guinea pig.

To be honest, I just wanted to see how far he would get.

It was gonna be a social experiment of sorts.

He was the guinea pig.

I know, I'm evil, but that didn't mean I was all out against him.

I really did pray for him when he asked me.

Even though at the time I thought of how lame it was to ask me to pray for him and her, I prayed for him earnestly nonetheless.

Recently, something happened.

He suddenly stopped coming to her place anymore.

No more daily visits, no more chit chats with absolute strangers near her, not even a peep.

I figured something must have happened between him and her.

Subtlety not being my strong suit as well, I asked her.

No comment, she said.

Something must've happened, but she's not telling.

If he's only avoiding her, that's understandable, if you've been rejected by a girl, the last thing you want is to face her everyday.

But why is he avoiding me too?

Sure, I may have made a joke or two with my friends about the ridiculously sappy things he said to me with regards to this girl, but he doesn't know that.

Or does he? Hmm.

Even so, I'd like to think that that wouldn't warrant a total halt of social interactions with me.

He used to bug me almost every day up to a point I was annoyed someone was bugging my me-time, and it was a dude. -_-"

Now, nothing, except for the nonchalant 'hey's when we pass each other in the office.

In all honesty, I feel bad for indirectly talking him into it and using him as a guinea pig.

'It' here  being whatever it is that he did that resulted in this awkward atmosphere.


Never meant for his feelings to get hurt.

But then again, he was gonna do it anyways, I was just indirectly speeding up the process.

The guinea pig thing though, yeah that was pure evil on my part.

My hypothesis was that if a guy (guy being "any" guy) tried hard enough, any girl would be attainable. Because sometimes I see that girls are like so easy.

Well, I got my answer.

NO.

The things I write are based on my observation, from my point of view, therefore all of this may just be inside my head.


For all I know he could just be very busy this week.


And last week.

And found a new path through the office that doesn't require him to pass by her every day.


But what do I know.


To be honest I haven't given this much thought, I have been too busy with work.

However, I do know for a fact that most men have ego the size of mountains.

We will never admit that we are hurt, or that we are weak, or even that we have failed.

We just keep quiet and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Which is what I'm seeing now.

In my humblest of opinions, one of the reasons why I think I've matured as a person is that I no longer feel the need to constantly give in to my ego.

I am willing to admit that I make mistakes, I am willing to admit that I'm not perfect, and in its simplest form, being able to say sorry.

You know that song "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Elton John?

Ironic how its when I CAN say I'm sorry that I'm able to truly understand what the song means.

Which brings me to the title of this particular post, and the story that came to mind when I first thought of it.

Once upon a time, Iblis Laknatullah met Musa Alaihissalam.

Iblis said to Prophet Musa " I wish to repent. Please ask God for my forgiveness."

One of Prophet Musa's unique 'miracles' was that he could speak to God directly.

So when he was conversing with God, he relayed the message of Iblis.

To which God replied that all he has to do to be forgiven is to bow at the grave of Prophet Adam Alaihissalam.

Iblis refused, saying that if he refused to bow down to Adam even when Adam was alive and in his prime, he most definitely won't do so when he is dead, a mere shadow of his former self.

This is where ego rears its ugly head. This is what all egoistic men, myself included should try to remember when feeding our egos.

He would rather spend eternity in damnation than bruise his ego and bow down to Adam.

That is how big an ego can get, and by the looks of it, his is one of the biggest.

Because lets be honest, is it worth it?

It is a tricky thing. God knows best.

May God always guide us in fighting our worst enemy.

Ourselves.

Peace.

Remember to be grateful

This is my first time blogging from my phone, and you know what a pain typing on the phone is, so this'll probably be a very short post.

I love the feeling of being at home. A home is not necessarily the place you stay in. Example, you may be staying at a dorm or an apartment, but that may not be your home. Home, as they say, is where the heart is. The house you're staying in may not be entirely comfortable, or you may not even be indoors, on a bus or a train perhaps, you'd still feel at home.

I suddenly lost track of what I wanted to write about. Sigh. It takes TOO long for me to write anything on this phone. Haha. I guess I just wanted to say it feels good being home in Ipoh.

An old friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer recently. He didn't exactly tell me, we're not exactly that close, but I saw it on Facebook. What astonishes me is his attitude, how positive he is about the whole thing. His Facebook page shows absolutely no hint of sadness or depression, in fact the only thing I saw that told me he has cancer was a comment from him to a friend, informing the friend he has cancer.

What really tugged on my heartstrings (not sure if I'm using this phrase correctly) was a status update of his recently. See, he is undergoing chemo, and from what I understand, chemo is simply put, the doctor injecting poison into your body in order to kill the cancer cells. Problem is, the poison won't exactly differentiate from cancer cells and normal healthy cells, so one of the side effects is hair loss.

One of his recent status updates sounded a bit like this :

"Bangun2 pagi tadi, tengok2 kening aku dah takde. Hahahaha."

Its sad.

It is.

But he hides it well.

And we post up things like "Kill me now" or I wanna die", simply because we're short of money, or we had a bad breakup.

This person is struggling for his life, and manages to even joke about it.

We should be grateful to God for all that we have, for there is so much of it, too much even.

We should even be grateful for the things we don't have.

Never forget Him, whether in good or bad times, He is all that you really have.

My father once said something very insightful.

"Sekiranya Allah itu lupa pada kamu, maka ertinya kamu tak ada dalam ilmu Allah.

Kalau lah Allah tu lupa pada kamu 5 minit sekalipun, kamu akan hilang dari kewujudan.

Dalam 5 minit tu, mak kamu akan cakap, "Aku ada anak laki sorang, tapi aku tak tahu siapa dia".

Isteri kamu akan cakap, "Aku ada suami, tapi aku tak tahu siapa dia"

Kerana, sekiranya tak ada dalam ilmu Allah, mustahil ada dalam ilmu makhluk.

Jadi, persoalannya sekarang ini, daripada kamu lahir sampai lah sekarang, pernah tak sesaat pun Allah Taala lupa pada kamu?

Tetapi, daripada kamu lahir sampailah sekarang ni, berapa lama kamu ingat Allah?"

Remember, never forget.

Peace.

(written on Motorola Razr Droid, lol)