Envy

I get now why people are often envious and sabotage others.

Apparently this is a most popular trait among Malays.

Misery loves company. We do not like to be miserable alone.

Humans are practically designed to be selfish. We want the best for ourselves, and we compete with each other for the best.

Whatever it is. Work. Partner. House. Car.

There was this one interview that I went for, down to last two candidates, me and this other guy.

We were anxiously waiting for the results, even 2 months after the final interview.

We kept in touch, me asking him, him asking me whether either one of us got it.

After two months, I just assumed no one actually got it, coz I haven't heard anything, and he didn't tell me anything.

Fast forward 7 months later, I work at the same building I went for that interview previously.

Surprise surprise, who do I bump into? Other guy from the interview.

He could've just freaking told me he got the job. I mean, after all I did ask.

But, he didn't.

So when I bumped into him, I recognized him, and he recognized me, but we both pretended to not know each other.

Have the courtesy to at least tell me, even though I am basically a stranger.

Was I envious? Hell yes at first, but I probably wouldn't have been so pissed if he'd tell me sooner.

So not only was I angry I didn't get the job, I was also angry he didn't have the courtesy to tell me.

Ugh. Human interactions are sometimes.... ugh.

Extremely awkward, always, when I bump into people from that company, and that guy. Especially that guy.

With that arrogant smug on his face. Pfft.

Now its no longer envy, no, envy for me is merely a temporary phase. Normal, I think.

I realize that were I successful in the interview, I would've been a glorified salesperson.

A highly-paid glorified salesman, but a salesman nonetheless.

Now I'm an underpaid graduate engineer, but still an actual engineer.

Overpaid, by the amount of work I'm currently doing, which is nada.

Anyways, point here is, I am not proud to admit, I sometimes do envy the success of others.

Perhaps it stems from the fact that I do not truly feel that I am all that successful.

Does this make me ungrateful to God? God, I hope not.

Its not that I am not grateful, thankful, just that I feel I can achieve more. That I deserve more.

Slightly egoistic, but what the hell. At least I can admit it.

I think some people, scratch that, most people are generally more complacent than me.

They settle for whatever they can get.

I, for one, think that reaching for the stars doesn't make me ungrateful, it just means I dream bigger.

I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for, as John Mayer put it.

But for me its mostly materialistic stuff, rarely on other stuff.

I don't really turn green of envy seeing other people get married.

Seeing them with hot wives, a definite hell yes, but actually getting married, meh.

Which would partially explain why I'm not married yet. Such high standards I have set for myself.

And the ones that have been set for me. But let's not get into that.

I personally think, girls perceive me as the friendly guy, that funny guy friend.

The dreaded friend zone, as 9gag aptly put it.

Well, 9GAG didn't exactly invent the friend zone, I did, but I'm not gonna sue them like Apple sued Samsung.

OH BURN APPLE FANS.

Moving on.

They don't really see me as boyfriend material, haha, and I can't really blame them.

I act like a total ass sometimes. I know, no need to tell me.

Should I change who I am so that girls will like me?

Haha, maybe I'll make a television series to tell people how I slowly matured and finally met my girlfriend / wife.

How friends around me, even the most unexpected douches have gotten married, but I am still single.

Haha. That would probably take 7 to 8 seasons, and there'd still be no sign of the wife / girlfriend...

This sounds strangely familiar....

OH GOD.

AM I BARNEY?!

Answer : NO.

Reason : I have not banged 200 chicks.

More seriously, AM I TED?!

Ugh, I hope not. I mean, I like red as much as the next guy, but red boots?

Seriously Ted?

Okay that sounded a bit gay.

Back to topic, I think the 3 reasons above (high standards, friendzone, ass) are the reasons why some of my guy friends are still not married.

And I have all three. Terrific.

Maybe I should get rid of one. Maybe the ass part.

Although I have been told to have a nice ass, by a friend of mine. A guy.

Okay that sounded more than a bit gay.

Its not. He's married now.

No, its not with another guy. A girl. Quite cute. Good for him.

Bastard. Lol joke. I love him. Well, not THAT love, the friendly type love.

Moving on before I permanently brand myself gay, strangely I find myself slightly feeling envious when I see good people.

Well not exactly envy, but the faintest of feeling in my heart that says " when am I gonna be like that"?

I think thats probably more along the lines of admiration. Yeah, definitely not envy.

Some people are just too damn nice, and I wonder if I should be more like them.

Main question now is how to motivate myself to actually be a good person, a good Muslim.

Most days when I am not working are spent lounging about doing absolutely nothing.

I'm just lazy. If I didn't have to eat, I probably wouldn't move the whole bloody day.

Fungus would probably be able to grow on my back.

Sloths would probably marvel at how lazy I am.

I mean, at least they move, albeit at a slow pace. Me, stationary.

I'm getting off track. You'd think being stationary, that'd be impossible, but no.

Impossible is nothing for me. See how high my standards are?

Le sigh.

Ranting feels good. Its been awhile since I wrote a proper blog post, hasn't it.

Truth be told, I'm just slightly more conscious now that I know that more people are actually reading this crap I call blogging. Haha.

Well, you came here to read about me, so there you go. Like it, good, we can be friends.

Don't like it, unfriend on FB. I don't care. Muahaha.

Ass. Work in progress.

Till next time, old friend.

Peace.

Wedding Plan

Sorry for not posting for so long.

I've been swamped with.... God knows what.

Running around, doing a bit of this, a bit of that...

Trying out food here and there...

New shoes, new clothes..

Needless to say, money has been tight this past month.

And probably so for the next few months.

I've been meaning to write about this, just never had the time or the energy.

To be honest, at first I wasn't sure.

But now that its confirmed.....

I never knew weddings could be so stressful.

Luckily work has somewhat slowed down.

Had a presentation last week, somewhat impromptu.

Not my best presentation, but I did good I think.

People understood what I was trying to say, I think.

Okay, okay, I'm stalling.

The date is 1st of September.

No, not next year, next MONTH.

There is going to be a wedding.

Which I am... required to attend.

Obviously I'm required to attend.

If I didn't have to, there wouldn't be a problem.

But that wouldn't be very nice, would it.

The problem is, there's two of them.

Two weddings.

Two of my friends are getting married on the same day.

These are really close friends of mine, at some point in my life.

I'd hate to disappoint either one of them.

The thing is, one is in KL, and the other is in Ipoh.

My mother tells me to choose one.

I'm not gonna do that.

I think I'll go to the KL one, and arrive at the Ipoh one slightly late.

I just have to call him first and tell him, so that he won't be upset or anything.

Yeah, I think that'll work.

That'll be the Wedding Plan.

Heheh.

Sorry if I've mislead you into thinking that I was the one getting married.

Please drop a comment to express your anger, and I shall be sure to send you an invite should I do get married.

Bulan puasa kena bersabar.

Peace.

Angels and Demons

It's been more than a month since my last post. Ive been busy at work.

I did write something, but it was too angry for my liking, so I scrapped it.

I'll try and be less angry this time around.

I wrote something about how I'm disliking the current celebrity ustaz fab thats going around.

You see people all over facebook and twitter posting stuff up about the sayings and ceramahs of these ustazs.

But to be honest the only reason people like these people so much is because they're funny.

They make religion sound fun.

Take away the jokes, no one wants to listen to them.

Even with the jokes I don't like listening to them, if I'm being honest.

I don't like how these ustazs, educated, religious folk, look down upon those with less religious knowledge and awareness.

They make fun of people that don't know religion that well. Call them names and stuff.

Bodoh macam kambing was the one I heard.

And the audience laughs with them.

"Haha, memang bodoh macam kambing siapa yang tak tau tu.".

What if the person was never brought up in an Islamic background and wanted to change?

Then people promote to him this ustaz.

"Listen to this Ustaz, he is funny, he is good."

So he listens, and finds himself not knowing these very basic Islamic things.

And is likened to a goat.

Its like telling a kindergartner how stupid he is for not knowing how to read.

He will be completely demoralized, and shall avoid the subject of reading altogether.

No one likes being called stupid, in anything at all.

It's as if these religious folks, these learned scholars of our religion, think that hidayah is found, not received.

It's as if they feel they worked hard to be good, it is all their doing, thus they deserve the right to brag and ridicule people.

And expect the ridiculed to take it all humbly and miraculously change into a devout Muslim.

This is not so. This reminds me of a story I once read about the meeting between Iblis and our Prophet.

He told the Prophet, "I do not have the power to turn people astray. I merely have the ability to persuade them. If I did have the power to turn them astray, then not even one of them will be spared. It is the same with you. You are merely the Messenger, you do not have the power to grant hidayah. If you did, then you would save everyone."

Only God can decide who leads the righteous path and who does not.

So with this in mind, how can any man woman or child, be proud and boast of his or her amalan?

You would be guzzling down beer and fornicating like bunnies if not for God's mercy.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you, He just so happens to be in a good mood and wants to spare you from his fiery hells.

Loosely speaking, of course.

I'll be honest, when people ask me to go for these ceramahs, I try my best to find excuses not to go.

Not because I am so lacking in religious knowledge and would be offended, I think I know the ABCs of Islam.

Its because I cannot bring myself to learn from these people.

I can almost hear the arrogance in their voices.

That feeling of superiority over others, that 'holier-than-thou' attitude, travels much faster, and much deeper than what they're actually saying.

A teacher should not impose his or her superiority to his or her students.

A teacher should earnestly, sincerely want to pass on their knowledge.

To help others, not to brag.

You cannot tell me that you have never felt this

That you have never felt that someone is trying to show off.

Or that someone is sincerely trying to teach you something.

I think I should stop here before it turns into an angry post again.

Just in case someone misunderstood what I meant in this post, this does not mean that I feel that I am better than these ulama'.

By all means no, I am very much lacking in both knowledge and amalan.

I am merely saying that a little humility won't hurt.

After all, what are we if not slaves to Him.

Peace.

Random anecdotes.

its a funny thing, life.

it surprises you in ways you can't really imagine.

like how a couple of weeks back, someone said the most random thing to me in an elevator.

i was going back home, and was already in the elevator when I saw a guard rushing out of the office.

i guess its our building's policy for the guard to like patrol every floor at night time, every few hours or so.

i've seen this guard a number of times before, but never really had anything to talk about with him.

so anyways, clearly he was trying to get into the same elevator as me (so that he wouldn't have to wait) so i held it open for him.

he seemed thankful when he entered the elevator, so i simply smiled.

"balik ke dik?", he said, trying to strike up a conversation.

"aah.", i replied, not able to come up with anything more.

"..."

"hari ni saya ada hal sikit, jadi kena balik awal", i added, trying to sound friendly.

despite the time being already 8pm, he didn't say anything of it.

i guess he was used to seeing people from this floor going home late.

what he said next came out of nowhere.

"sebab saya tengok awak ni, macam personaliti tv al-hijrah.."

"haha ye ke" (the laugh was a lot louder than is potrayed)

"haah... jadi awak kerja dulu, kumpul contact.. lepas tu bukak bisnes", he continued.

the lift was already at ground floor.

"erm boleh lah, tunggu 2 3 tahun saya kerja dulu, haha", i said before exiting the elevator.

Guards say the darndest things.

what on earth compelled him to say that, i will probably never know.

he must've been watching for a time, suggested a colleague.

never mind, its really not that important.

i shall keep you guys posted in case a career change is imminent.

the other day, as per the usual, i went out for movies with my colleagues on wednesday night.

we do this every week, you see.

its kinda like a tradition now, we've been doing it since january, at least.

(fyi any of you guys wanna join, you can just let me know, email me or whatever)

So last week's movie was a chick flick : what to expect when you're expecting.

we don't normally go for this type of movies, but that's the only one we haven't watched, so chick flick it is.

my conclusion from that movie is that pregnant women are scary.

they're emotional, mean as hell, cranky all the time, they pee anytime they like, and here's the extremely fun part :

the husband has to be nice to be her no matter what.

it was also my conclusion that i am not ready for marriage yet.

true, it is a movie, its mostly exaggerated to make it a comedy, but still, there is still some truth to it all.

i thought to myself, i am not ready to be a husband just yet, i am far too selfish to be one.

let alone a father.

but life, always has something up his sleeve.

the next day, i went to work as usual, went for lunch like i normally do with my colleagues.

what was abnormal was what transpired after lunch.

i was checking my facebook, when i saw a message notification.

it was a girl.

i didn't recognize the name.

"salam. hi there. did you just have lunch at wisma cosway just now?"

I went from -_- to O_O.

"OMG am i being stalked?! sedikit cuak", I tweeted.

(high 5 to anyone that read that one.)

"wassalam. yes. sorry but who are you?"

"Im no one that you know except that i always bumped into you walking nearby my office. sorry to bother"

ok stalker alert.

long story short, after some digging and stalking of my own, i found out that she has been doing this with a number of people.

i guess she is desperate. or a very agressive yet picky girl. or just likes the thrill of chatting up guys.

i will probably never know, coz after a while i stopped replying to her messages.

here i was thinking "im not ready to be a husband" and along came life and said "oh no you're not gonna give up that easily. here, have a girl".

to be honest, aggressive girls are refreshing. a nice change from all the "im pretty, so call me maybe?" type of girl.

Maybe..... not.

Its actually pretty comfortable being single.

i have no obligations, my work keeps me busy, and on the weekends i normally stay at home and play computer games. and on alternate weekends i balik kampung and see my parents.

life is good, life is simple.

but my parents want to see me get married.

they've been dropping hints so often its no longer subtle.

maybe i should REALLY get off my lazy bum and find them a daughter-in-law.

i know i said i was going to, but i haven't really done anything to actually expedite the process.

i feel like i owe it to them, seeing as how they want it so bad.

hmm.. much to think about....

much to think about.

in the meantime, lets play some Skyrim... lol. joke.

peace.