Envy

I get now why people are often envious and sabotage others.

Apparently this is a most popular trait among Malays.

Misery loves company. We do not like to be miserable alone.

Humans are practically designed to be selfish. We want the best for ourselves, and we compete with each other for the best.

Whatever it is. Work. Partner. House. Car.

There was this one interview that I went for, down to last two candidates, me and this other guy.

We were anxiously waiting for the results, even 2 months after the final interview.

We kept in touch, me asking him, him asking me whether either one of us got it.

After two months, I just assumed no one actually got it, coz I haven't heard anything, and he didn't tell me anything.

Fast forward 7 months later, I work at the same building I went for that interview previously.

Surprise surprise, who do I bump into? Other guy from the interview.

He could've just freaking told me he got the job. I mean, after all I did ask.

But, he didn't.

So when I bumped into him, I recognized him, and he recognized me, but we both pretended to not know each other.

Have the courtesy to at least tell me, even though I am basically a stranger.

Was I envious? Hell yes at first, but I probably wouldn't have been so pissed if he'd tell me sooner.

So not only was I angry I didn't get the job, I was also angry he didn't have the courtesy to tell me.

Ugh. Human interactions are sometimes.... ugh.

Extremely awkward, always, when I bump into people from that company, and that guy. Especially that guy.

With that arrogant smug on his face. Pfft.

Now its no longer envy, no, envy for me is merely a temporary phase. Normal, I think.

I realize that were I successful in the interview, I would've been a glorified salesperson.

A highly-paid glorified salesman, but a salesman nonetheless.

Now I'm an underpaid graduate engineer, but still an actual engineer.

Overpaid, by the amount of work I'm currently doing, which is nada.

Anyways, point here is, I am not proud to admit, I sometimes do envy the success of others.

Perhaps it stems from the fact that I do not truly feel that I am all that successful.

Does this make me ungrateful to God? God, I hope not.

Its not that I am not grateful, thankful, just that I feel I can achieve more. That I deserve more.

Slightly egoistic, but what the hell. At least I can admit it.

I think some people, scratch that, most people are generally more complacent than me.

They settle for whatever they can get.

I, for one, think that reaching for the stars doesn't make me ungrateful, it just means I dream bigger.

I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for, as John Mayer put it.

But for me its mostly materialistic stuff, rarely on other stuff.

I don't really turn green of envy seeing other people get married.

Seeing them with hot wives, a definite hell yes, but actually getting married, meh.

Which would partially explain why I'm not married yet. Such high standards I have set for myself.

And the ones that have been set for me. But let's not get into that.

I personally think, girls perceive me as the friendly guy, that funny guy friend.

The dreaded friend zone, as 9gag aptly put it.

Well, 9GAG didn't exactly invent the friend zone, I did, but I'm not gonna sue them like Apple sued Samsung.

OH BURN APPLE FANS.

Moving on.

They don't really see me as boyfriend material, haha, and I can't really blame them.

I act like a total ass sometimes. I know, no need to tell me.

Should I change who I am so that girls will like me?

Haha, maybe I'll make a television series to tell people how I slowly matured and finally met my girlfriend / wife.

How friends around me, even the most unexpected douches have gotten married, but I am still single.

Haha. That would probably take 7 to 8 seasons, and there'd still be no sign of the wife / girlfriend...

This sounds strangely familiar....

OH GOD.

AM I BARNEY?!

Answer : NO.

Reason : I have not banged 200 chicks.

More seriously, AM I TED?!

Ugh, I hope not. I mean, I like red as much as the next guy, but red boots?

Seriously Ted?

Okay that sounded a bit gay.

Back to topic, I think the 3 reasons above (high standards, friendzone, ass) are the reasons why some of my guy friends are still not married.

And I have all three. Terrific.

Maybe I should get rid of one. Maybe the ass part.

Although I have been told to have a nice ass, by a friend of mine. A guy.

Okay that sounded more than a bit gay.

Its not. He's married now.

No, its not with another guy. A girl. Quite cute. Good for him.

Bastard. Lol joke. I love him. Well, not THAT love, the friendly type love.

Moving on before I permanently brand myself gay, strangely I find myself slightly feeling envious when I see good people.

Well not exactly envy, but the faintest of feeling in my heart that says " when am I gonna be like that"?

I think thats probably more along the lines of admiration. Yeah, definitely not envy.

Some people are just too damn nice, and I wonder if I should be more like them.

Main question now is how to motivate myself to actually be a good person, a good Muslim.

Most days when I am not working are spent lounging about doing absolutely nothing.

I'm just lazy. If I didn't have to eat, I probably wouldn't move the whole bloody day.

Fungus would probably be able to grow on my back.

Sloths would probably marvel at how lazy I am.

I mean, at least they move, albeit at a slow pace. Me, stationary.

I'm getting off track. You'd think being stationary, that'd be impossible, but no.

Impossible is nothing for me. See how high my standards are?

Le sigh.

Ranting feels good. Its been awhile since I wrote a proper blog post, hasn't it.

Truth be told, I'm just slightly more conscious now that I know that more people are actually reading this crap I call blogging. Haha.

Well, you came here to read about me, so there you go. Like it, good, we can be friends.

Don't like it, unfriend on FB. I don't care. Muahaha.

Ass. Work in progress.

Till next time, old friend.

Peace.