not time yet.

ok. dah update. bye bye blog. haha.

(ditarik telinga oleh blog utk teruskan)

ouch.

er, hi. honestly i had not planned at all to update my blog tonight, but after reading a comment from a friend at his blog, i decided to show him how my mind is chock-full of so many ideas and stories that i can conjure up a 1000 word blog just like that (snaps his fingers).

how foolishly arrogant humans can be sometimes.

(thinking of the next line..)

After several tries to see the definition of finger snap on wiki failed miserably (stupid internet), I decided to write about something else.

Lately my mind has been thinking about my coming semester. In few weeks time, I shall be a senior. (still clicking "Try again" button on wiki page) I may be somewhat influenced by my increasingly jiwang and desperate friends (penghargaan ke sapik), but my mind keeps thinking about how almost everyone is rushing to find themselves a life partner.

Apparently, most find it extremely difficult to find a partner after university years. Even the most unexpected of people have a bf/gf. (not-so-vague hint : current kelantanese roommate ). It is quite hard to digest that the people that usually condemn the "coupling" phenomena (i.e: Rakan Masjid), are joining in the supposedly hedonistic trend. (not referring to my roommate, but others perhaps). If I may quote a line from a book i just finished reading last weekend (and have been waiting for its sequel ever since), "Even Holy Men are men".

If there's one thing I do not like, it's hypocrites. I hope I'm not a hypocrite, but in truth, we all are, some perhaps more than others. Yes, we are. The way I act when I'm with my parents is a bit different from the way I act with my friends. Not a different person altogether, but slightly different, mostly out of respect. And I'm pretty sure most people are the same.

Getting back to my original topic, when I think about my university years slowly but surely coming to an end, I start to think if I'm actually going to find someone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate to the point I imagine myself going to the zoo with my girlfriend to look at elephants (penghargaan kedua kepada sapik), its just that the thought of it pops into my head sometimes and it makes me somewhat worried. Moreover most of my close friends are already planning when they're getting married. WTF!

Gosh, how depressing is the blog this time. honestly I don't like to write depressing blogs. I dunno, there is enough pain in this world as it is, why spread around more?

There's this one person in my office. He's a real pain in the "donkey" when it comes to work, but apart from work, he's actually a nice guy i think. A bit dorky, but overall a nice person. Friendly, humorous (although at times over the top), sarcastic are words that one would use to describe him. I would also like to note here that this person is NOT me. haha. He's actually around 30 years old.

He has a job that he seems to enjoy, a respected position in a multinational company, somewhat plain-looking but not the ugliest in the bunch, and an overall nice personality. The thing that bothers me the most about him is that he's not married.

And in more ways than one, I see myself in this person. I have big ambitions. I work hard (compared to other interns).What if I'm to turn to into him in a couple of years? Who's to say I'm not? Perhaps the reason he works so bloody hard is to overcome overwhelm the loneliness? He seems to have no problem talking to women, so why is he not married?! Surely women have married (and divorced) people that are worse than him, yet why is this person, (however he obnoxious might be sometimes due to his no-way-but-my-way attitude), not married?

Is it because he did not find himself a girlfriend during his university years? My parents didn't meet each other at the university. But that was years ago. Who knows, perhaps the trend has changed nowadays. Perhaps it was just not meant to be for him? Obviously I do not want it to happen to me also, but what should I do? zzz. This sucks. Maybe my laid-back attitude will not help in this department. lol. After all, as my friend said, the well will not go looking for the timber. lol. (penghargaan kepada sado on the well-rojaked proverb. almost didn't spot what was wrong the first time)

Honestly, I don't think I'm fully ready for commitment. It's hard for me to imagine I'm only allowed to speak to only ONE girl and not be allowed to go out with other girls, if only for a casual outing. Because that's what marriage is. It is highly unacceptable for a husband to go out with a female friend of his, and it is also the same scenario for the wife. The husband is bound by custom and culture to go out only with his guy-friends and the wife is also allowed to go out with her girl friends only.

I can't imagine how, or why for that matter would I limit myself to these rules and restrictions. Sure, most of the time I hang out with my guy-friends, but sometimes I do get bored and I do ask my girl friends to go out. And sometimes its only me and the girl. Honestly, its just an outing, it is hardly romantic, I just enjoy talking to a girl sometimes.

Okay, okay, fair enough, even if I had a girlfriend, I would still be able to go out with my girl friends, but to what extent? Surely the girlfriend would limit what I can and cannot do, and at some point, she might will get jealous no matter how much I tell her she's the only one bla3, we're only human. I'd probably be jealous too if a guy constantly asks my girl out.

... lost track of the reason i'm writing. how appropriate that my playlist is currently playing The Reason by Hoobastank.

I just want you to know,

I've found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be,

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you...

Sigh, it's amazing how the hardest of questions can be answered with the simplest arrangement of words in a song.

When you're married (or perhaps in most of my peers case, found true love), you don't really care about anyone else, well, not as much as that special someone. you don't mind not talking to your other girl-friends, as long as you can talk to that one person, if only for the briefest of moments. Sacrifices have to be made, but when the right person comes along, you'd do it in a heartbeat.

I understand now why some friends of mine did the things they do. I was ignorant then, I was arrogant, I still am.

Maybe my time is not here yet. Maybe it never will be.

I'm hoping it will be.

Whenever that may be.

Till next time, take care.                                                                                     Peace.

whenever that may be.

it is beyond my own understanding as to why tonight is special. perhaps it is the first time i went to the local pasar malam, after so many months of staying here. perhaps its because of the 11pm bath i just took as it was so hot and humid (typical malaysian weather). perhaps its because its monday tomorrow, and im just looking for a reason not to sleep. in my books, its not tomorrow until you sleep, tomorrow does not start at 12 am. whatever it is or was, it got me to write in my blog, so it was a good thing.

as i struggle to type while being in the dark, (literally, as my roommates wanna sleep and they turned off the lights), i again began to wonder what was it i wanted to write in this old, dusty (conceptually) blog.

after so many months of no updates, no one would ever visit this blog again. hell, even i dont visit this blog anymore. haha. perhaps that would be best. no pressure to update. which is what i intended for in the first place.

the thing about not writing for so long, so many months, so many minutes, (i like arranging the words this way, makes it and me sound epic and sophisticated. haha), you'd have so many things to write about, you won't know where to start first. for goodness sake, some people blog every single day, and they still have loads of things to write about. my life is just not that interesting. haha. with that being said, let us begin.

death has come and claimed a life of something close to me today. it was something very close to me, without it i feel so helpless in today's cyber-fast world. alas, life must go on, and it too, if given the gift of thought and speech, would not want me to mourn its passing. thus i bid farewell to my dear mouse, you have been a dear friend for these past months. no, i am not talking about my hamster, i am talking about my mouse, as in "click click" not "cheep cheep". haha. if hamsters actually go "cheep cheep". haha.

"what will happen to a face in a crowd when it gets too crowded?"

with a crowd of 6 billion people at the moment, does our individual existence on this earth really matter? what does one more human being mean? honestly, i myself do not know, as i myself am one of those faces in the crowd. perhaps jason mraz would know, as he seems like an intelligent person, plus he was the one that thought up of the quote above. its in one of his songs. and just so happens i was listening to it when i was writing. thought it was something interesting to share, something to get the juices flowing, apart from the usual brain numbing stuff i write. haha.

have you ever been to an f1 race?  one word describes it. loud. ridiculously loud. i would not recommend one that has a weak heart or a low maximum safe threshold of hearing to go to one. but for someone like me, (lazy and sarcastic) (no, not lazy and sarcastic, likes fast cars and can handle loud noises. haha), it is worth every penny (assuming you actually paid for the tickets in pennies). the sound of an f1 car roaring past you in Sepang is similar to the sound of thunder, only it has a more coarse, harsh quality to it. if given the choice of listening to f1 cars or thunder as a form of torture or punishment, i would most definitely pick thunder. despite the eardrum-shattering noise, it was an enjoyable experience, i would definitely go again next year if given the chance.

the thought of studying for the rest of your life would be terrifying for some, but i find myself devising a way to actually never graduate from UTP, just to avoid jumping into the working world. i guess it goes without saying that i am greatly loathing my working experience in johnson and johnson. i now understand the dishonorable actions of my predecessor. i would not abandon my responsibilities on an uninformed new practical trainee, i am far too responsible (however near "far" may be) to do that, however i understand why she did it to me. the stress is almost unbearable at times. if i were a pillar supporting the weight of a building (relating to stress), the building would most probably be the leaning tower of pisa. the damn thing is already leaning. lol. (hopefully that made sense. haha)

moving on from the lame engineering comparison, i dread each day that i have to go to that god-forsaken place. i count the very minutes to reach the blessed weekends and i subconciously programmed my brain to keep track of the number of seconds before my dreaded internship period ends. sigh.

to be fair, i have learned a lot in the past 4 months. the things that i learn here do have some relevance to what i have studied, and probably will see again in my actual working environment. the pay is quite high compared to other companies. but the working environment is a very stressful one. my supervisors aren't really helping. they themselves are stressed out, but perhaps they have better motivation (i.e:their pay is good). they are stressed out and they vent some of that stress at me at times. which is making me so stressed coz i dont have that much of a motivation.

my actual supervisor is not giving me the marks i want, is extremely emotional, finds faults in almost everything i do, passes every single meaningless and time-consuming tasks that she does not want to do to me, and has very bad communication skills. or maybe i have very bad hearing skills. regardless, in conclusion, i want to go back to UTP to study. something i would never imagine myself saying.

i do not wish to stop writing, but my brain is sending signals to my eyes to occasionally blink, which probably means my body is tired. which means i should probably sleep to avoid dozing off while reviewing those boring BRR documents. i sincerely hope my supervisor will lighten up in the near future, and see that i am really trying to impress her by listening to her comments about being more alert and proactive (whatever the hell that meant) and having a more positive mood and outlook on the tons of non-engineering related work she throws at me. controlling myself from yelling at her when she criticizes and mocks me for even the tiniest bit of mistake is proving to be more difficult by day. even more so when i think that my scholar, JPA is actually paying UTP approximately 4k+ for me to work in this hellhole.

as i end my literary experiment, i wish everyone a happy and prosperous life. life is short, live it. until we meet again my dear blog.

whenever that may be.

ciao.

worries. for nothing.

hello.

apologies for not being able to put up a new post sooner. for some reason, when times i felt like posting, there seemed to be a problem with the internet connection, and when i didn't, the connection was perfect.. haha. maybe its a sign for me to stop blogging or something. hahah.

anyways, apart from that, i am at my rent house (rumah sewa? lolz.). so only recently did we get internet connection, so even if i wanted to write something, i couldnt. 

this time, i'd just like to say a lil' bit about my internship. as im sure most of my fellow colleagues and bloggers have already done.

my senior, the person that did the internship a semester earlier than me, just finished her internship period and so now, all her work is passed down to me. this wouldnt be a big deal if she'd actually prepared me properly... in my own personal point of view, which may not necessarily be true, she couldnt care less whether i knew what my responsibilities were or not, she just wanted to get the hell out of that place. haha. coz all she taught me during the one month she was still there is how to do simple stuff. and then suddenly, during the handover meeting, (which is the meeting in which she hands over all her work to me), she lists down all these things that i have never done before, and im supposed to be doing after she left... and i was like "i am so dead". X_X haha.

but seriously, i didnt have a clue what she just said. and i was really freaking out. what the hell am i supposed to do after this?! and when i asked her, she'd go about saying things like, "it was like this when i came here" and "my senior never taught me anything and i had to learn all this by myself, so you have to also...". oh my god, how irritating some human beings can be sometimes...

and to top it all off, i had to go fetch my parents from KLIA coz they were coming back from doing their haji and bring them back to Ipoh, so i wont be in the office for two days. which means, i couldnt learn anything about what she just told me. crap.

and so, later that day, while cursing myself for having such a lousy lazy senior, and also praying for my well-being in the next 7 months, i drove to my uncle's house, coz his house was nearer to the airport. that night, i slept in a room with my cousin, which was in standard 3, i think.

he was also having a not so good day. he was complaining to me how prefects never get enough credit. they do all these things and they never get anything in return. so i kinda asked him what exactly did he do. so he said he was in charge of lowering the flags at the end of every day... hehe.

but then it occured to me, this is a big deal to him. a real big deal. and he was a bit upset no one gave him the credit he deserved even though what he was doing was of incredible difficulty and of super importance.

it got me thinking. maybe its the same with me. maybe to me all these report writing, meetings, validations, etc, seem extremely difficult to handle, but to other people, my supervisor perhaps, it may seem to be menial tasks that are not even worth their time to handle.

and i think it is. coz when my uncle got home, which was around 10 pm that night, he was talking about this meeting where they had to choose the GM and AGM of something. the meeting got so intense that one person actually went home sobbing, coz he/she (not sure) didnt get assigned or something, which means he/she probably wont have a job in the near future. so there i was thinking, out of all the meetings ive been to, there was never a meeting which someone actually cried and left, so my work must not be that hard. haha.

to my uncle, my work is probably like what my younger cousins work as a prefect looks like to me. so that kinda calmed me down and prepared me for the tasks that awaited me when i came back for work. hehe. 

and also, that night i fetched my parents at KLIA. earlier, my brother and my aunt were talking, "maybe my dad had stopped smoking since he went to Mekah". hehe. so, when my mother and father arrived, after hugging all the relatives that were there, what does my father do? he grabs a cigarette from his bag. haha. even the guard that was holding the sub-machine gun couldnt stop from snickering. haha. so much for no longer smoking. it was nice seeing my parents after so long.

like any other person that came back from the Holy Lands, my parents had loads of stories to tell. the funniest one being what they did right after they officially got their haji and hajjah. my father even made a video of it. 

"What do you do 15 minutes after you finished your hajj? Burger King!" lolz.

they went to Burger King. haha.

oh yeah, for those that are wondering, life in bandar sunway, where im staying for the period of my internship, is good. i go out often (in stark contrast with my life in utp), i hang out with my friends quite often, and i go to the movies almost weekly. haha. and my allowance money disappears at an exponential rate. haha. and im also about to try ice skating tomorrow. haha.

and thats about all the things i wanted to write. ill admit, this post isnt nearly as long as the other ones. probably coz i dont feel as comfortable writing on someone else's laptop. fyi, the spelling is laptop, not "ladtop". -_-. i left the power source for my laptop at my house in ipoh. -_-".

take care.

till next time, whenever that may be, chow.

:)

Death, as I see it..

hello.

usually i dont post more than once a month, but something happened quite recently that kinda stirred my thoughts and emotions, i guess. (chewah)

there was a death, no, make that two deaths in UTP, on thursday and friday. this one guy died of, of all things, a heart attack. imagine that. while playing football. one assumes that when someone plays football, he probably has been playing for awhile, therefore should be fit enough to play the game, and probably know when to stop playing, so to get a heart attack while playing,.. is bizzarre.

the 2nd guy, died in an accident involving himself and... (this may sound funny but try not to laugh coz its disrespectful..), a kerbau. also known as a buffalo. for those that do not know, kerbaus (pandai2 je letak 's' for plural of kerbau. haha.) always roam around the roads infront of utp at nite, and since they are dark in color and there arent any lights lighting up the roads, utp students often hear tales of people having accidents with these behemoths. and believe me, they are quite big and quite strong. there was one story that i heard, a group of ppl were in a kancil and they banged into a kerbau, and the kerbau actually stared back at them for a few seconds before actually moving away. its as if the kancil banging into the blasted kerbau was like a mosquito bite or sumthing. (who'd ever thought i'd use so many animals in one sentence. haha.)

of course, the thought of students, almost the same age as me, dying, is somewhat scary. but who cares rite? ppl die all the time. even babies die. sure its a bit scary, but i dont even know these ppl, so no big deal....

or so i thought.

after finishing our exams, (yeay!), me and the guys went to ipoh to blow some steam.. it was the usual, bowling, movies, some of them went to mcd after that, but i was already lacking sleep, so i passed. quantum of solace is nice, btw, not as nice as casino royale, but still nice. action wise, top notch, but the story was moving a bit too fast for me to fully digest whats going on. but all in all, a nice movie. as for the bowling, i sucked big time. cant really say it was the lane, coz there were other ppl that had better scores even though the lane wasnt in tip top condition,  i guess it was just me. i scored 99 and 98. cant remember the last time i scored BELOW 100, so it kinda sucked for me.

anyways, while waiting for the midnight movie, some of the guys went for karaoke. see, the karaoke place is in the bowling alley area, and so we bumped into other utp friends there. fyi, it is almost impossible for you not to bump into a utp student at jusco during the weekends. especially so after the exams... duh. haha. so anyways, i went there a bit late coz i had to, er, shake hands with the president. haha. and so when i got there, my friend came up to me and told me something that is quite,.. disturbing...

if you guys recall, i became a facilitator for the orientation week this sem. so as a facilitator, i had one group of students to handle. my friend, the one that came up to me also was a faci and also had a group. it turns out that, the guy that had the heart attack, was in his group. and i know that guy..

well, not to say i know him very well, i just know him, as in i know who my friend was talking about when he mentioned it to me.

i guess it has a big impact on me.  as far as i know, none of my friends have died. sure, there have deaths in my family before, but no one that was actually younger than me. yes, he was actually younger than me. born in 1990 if my calculations are correct.

to see this guy alive and well at one time, and to suddenly hear that he's dead, is... i dont know what the word is for this one. guess this goes to show death knows no boundaries.

it really opened my eyes. life is short, shorter than i may think, apparently. i need to live life more. no more wasting time, staying alone at home, doing nothing but sleep and  play computer games all the time. (i barely play any computer games nowadays, but still... ). its time for change. and what better time to make a change in my life than during my internship. i'll be working, which means i will have some extra cash. plus, ill be in the vicinity of kuala lumpur, which means i can try out stuff ive always wanted to try while i was in pasum but never got the chance (i.e: ice skating! :D). hehe.

plus, i should have more money to go travelling. hehe. i do like travelling to new places, just that id rather not go alone, id prefer it if some friends, or family perhaps, could come with me. but thats the problem really, not everyone likes travelling. and not that many people can afford it. even worse, not many people think that its a good way to spend your money... haihs... i guess they've never heard of the proverb "jauh perjalanan, luas permandangan". (dunno what the english version is, but ill find out later).

i feel like writing more, but i dont really have anything else to say, so i guess i'll stop here. oh yeah, in case anyone's wondering, i'll be doing my internship at johnson and  johnson, petaling jaya. hehe. ill be an intern for 8 months, starting this december, so plenty of time to do stuff during that time. hehe. oh yeah, im not sure, but i dont think there'll be any internet connection where i'm staying, so probably wont be blogging so often. (macam la "often" sgt skrg ni. haha.)

erm, another important thing to mention, my parents are going for haji this wednesday (26th november 2008), so i'd appreciate it if you guys could pray for my parents safety and well-being. thanks a lot.

last but not least, i was actually planning something different for this post, but since i didnt even plan on writing this post, the "something different" will have to wait till the next time i blog. hehe.

oh yeah! totally forgot about the majlis doa selamat and tahlil (refer to previous posting). all in all, it was a successfull ceremony. thank you very2 much to everyone that came. it meant a lot to me. semoga Allah memberkati tuan2 dan puan2 sekalian. i'd blog about it, but there really isn't that much to blog about, hehe. but a friend of mine did blog about it, you can read it here. (ive never actually tried linking another page, so forgive me if the link doesnt work. huhu.)

and, the final 'last but not least', hehe, i'd like to wish everyone that have NOT finished their exams, good luck, do your best, to those that HAVE and are in their sweet holidays, happy holidays, stay safe, and to those that are 'unlucky' in the sense that their holidays have been cut short due to the internship programme, good luck with you internship, take care, especially the people that are going overseas, and i'll see you guys in 8 months!

take care everyone.

ciao~