Wednesday, August 8, 2007

friends i don't like?

peculiar title eh? i thought so too when i saw this term the first time. i was reading a bulletin a friend of mine put up when i came across it. "Honestly, do you have a friend you don't like?" at first i thought, "how weird is that, how can you still be friends with someone you don't like!?" but after taking the time to think about it for a bit, i guess its absolutely TRUE... when i think about it, yeah, sure, i like my friends, i'd do almost anything for some of my friends, but there are times when i cant even stand them! (and im sure there are moments when they cant stand me... huhu). even with my closest friends, i get into arguments or squabbles sometimes...



so surely there are friends that i dont like. friends that i just cant be around. but that is somewhat weird since if you cant be around that person, can you really call that person your friend? i guess the answer is yes, probably because you dont have a choice. your life is somewhat intertwined with his/hers. there are some friends i would gladly run away from, simply because our personalities dont match. there are certain types of ppl that i cant mix with, no matter what. why? because when im around these ppl, i cant be myself. most of the time, thats the reason. one thing about me, is that im no hypocrite. i dont tell lies. im probably not so good at concealing my emotions, especially if its anger... when im angry with you, there's no such thing as "yasin ni mcm marah je..."... when im angry with you, you'll definitely KNOW. because i'll tell it straight to your face that im angry about something , with the exception of certain ppl, of course, such as my parents, family. i care/respect these ppl too much to be that angry with them...



so, probably the number one person i cant be around is ppl that cant admit to their mistakes, or doesnt take thrashing (when they deserve it) very well... i simply cant stand this kind of ppl and they probably cant even look at me without turning into stone or sumthing.. haha. when you make a mistake, whats the right thing to do? well, in my book, you apologise and/or try to make things rite... these type of ppl dont do that. in their book, "when i make a mistake, the last thing i want to do is apologise... coz that'll make me look more idiot-like than i already am.. no, i should deny ever making a mistake, blame everyone else, and if that doesnt work, shut up and completely ignore the person scolding me until he/she leaves... yeah! damn i'm clever!..." yeah, from what ive seen so far, thats probably how they deal with things in life... i cant possibly do something like this, im far too responsible to just deny whatever mistake i do, well, most of the time, at least. plus, if im doing the scolding, and suddenly the guy ignores me, i know i have to stop, bcoz he's not responding to the scolding and by the face he's making, i know he's offended... but you cant imagine how i feel!! i cant truly describe how i feel when this happens. angry, because the person at wrong isnt admitting his mistakes or apologising, and bloody frustrated, for....  ARGHH!! yeah, thats it. ARRGGHH!!! although this is how i feel, that idiot doesnt know this, because all he/she can get through his/her thick skull is "that bloody bastard scolded me.. i am truly hurt". so i try to patch things up, even though my heart is on the verge of breaking in half.. but one can only hold on for so long.. lets just say that these type of ppl, i do talk to once in a while, but i dont get too close to them... i guess i consider them my friends, with the word 'friends' here meaning ppl i hv to talk to, but dont want to...



2nd type of person i cant be around is, ppl that cant accept my type of humor. for those that dont know, im very very sarcastic. i think i got it from my father. why do i say that? well, i didnt really realise it at first until a close friend of mine pointed it out to me a few years back. i was telling him the joke that my father made when my family went to a kenduri. there was this one kid sitting at the same table as us. he was quite the hyperactive one.. always moving around, playing with his food, and we were enjoying his company... then, while eating, he burped real loud... huhu. and my brother, or was it me, that said, "uish, kuatnye sendawa...! hehe". then, the kid asked me "sendawa tu apa?" haha. before i cud answer him, my father said "sendawa ni mcm rabbit, tapi telinga dia pjg sikit... " hahahahaha. this one guy sitting in front of me almost choked (aper 'tersedak' dlm english?) on his drink... haha. so, sarcasm runs in the family. haha. like father, like son, they always say. ke mana tumpahnye kuah kalau tak ke bawah. haha. moving on, later i found out that jokes like these, not everyone can comprehend.. huhu. in fact, some are actually offended by these types of jokes. of course once in a while i slip in some nasty comments such as "2+2=5? You're a freaking 'genius'!".. hehe. but its all in good fun. i dont mind ppl doing that to me. but some just cant take it. and if i do one about them, they get offended, then either get angry with me, or try their best to hurt my feelings back, which was never my intention.. it was just plain teasing. apparently, no matter how smart some ppl are, they cant appreciate such a simple form of fun which is sarcasm.. so, with me not being able to change my true nature of being sarcastically funny all the time, i think you can figure out why these type of ppl cant stick with me for too long...



i dont like being used. nobody likes being used. i had a friend once. yeah, had. i dont feel like calling this guy my friend anymore, bad as that may sound. he seems to have the idea that im he's private money lender or something, and instead of actually returning the money when he has some, he seems to think that he doesnt have to. oh yeah, sure, when he wants to borrow the money, its all "ill pay you as soon as possible...". nothing but lies. me and this guy were quite close at school, which is the reason why i dont mind him borrowing my money, and why im dumb enough to believe all his crap. so when we finished school, we didnt contact each other that much for some reason. until recently, he contacted me, asking me how am i, what am i doing now, all those stuff. he even asked me when i was coming home. thinking how close we were back then, i thought then that maybe he really did want to get together and catch up on lost times.. although theres always that small voice saying "he's just doing this to gain something from you.." . i guess i should always listen to that small voice, as it turns out he only wanted to meet to borrow my cd player.. haha. and to think i actually, truly thought that he actually wanted to see me just for the sake of catching up.. haha. yasin, yasin. how foolish you are. i normally dont say any names in my blog, but this time, ill make an exception. he probably wont be reading this blog, probably cant considering his 'extremely high' level of english proficiency, but ill say his name anyways. Am, go to hell. f**k the hell off. you are no longer my friend, and if memory serves me right, you probably never were...



hmmm... lets talk bout something as. the orchestra. yeah, i like being in the orchestra. going for training is one of the things i look forward to every week. i dont know most of the ppl in the orchestra, im only close with the other violinists, but still, i look forward to the training sessions all the time. probably because i like playing the violin. its not that i cant play in my room, but if i play in my room, it wont sound so nice.. hehe. the orchestra is now getting ready for the convo performance, and it seems that before the convo performance, there'll be one small performance.. cant wait for that. huhu. its exciting really, performing on stage. there's a certain thrill, certain excitement you cant get anywhere else. hehe. i can see now why some very old artists still like to do concerts even though they look old enough to be my grandfather... haha. and some of them are grandfathers... huhu. my violin skills arent improving that much these days, due to the lack of training, but i guess it'll improve slowly.. rome wasnt built in a day.



so i guess thats about it, my friends. yes, for those that read this blog, i consider you ppl as my friends. why would i do such a thing when i dont even know who is reading this blog? to me, it doesnt really matter who's reading this, what matters is that you're reading it. it means you care about my life, about my feelings, or at the very least, you care about what i have to write. so thank you, friend (and cousins, of course. hehe). it is hard to find a true friend these days, one that understands you, one that without any hidden agenda, truly cares about you and your well-being. therefore, i feel truly blessed, despite the fact that some ppl arent exactly my friends, i am lucky enough to have true friends, friends that i would follow to the ends of the earth, to the deepest depths of the ocean, the farthest reaches of the galaxy, simply because, i know that these ppl would do nothing less for me. chow.



"Remind me that we'll always have each other,
when everything else is gone."



Dig - Incubus


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