Seeing through the eyes of a Geekazoid.

I think after so many months of not writing anything proper, this particular post pretty much covers it back. Its long, be warned.

Before I moved here, i.e Four-eyed Geekazoid, my blog was called Life, as I see it. It was exactly what it was called. It was life, mine, others, whoevers, as I see it. It may not necessarily be right, but thats how i see it. And when you read the blog, or sometimes when i read it back, i can really see through the eyes of younger me.

When i read the earlier posts, I can see how I was back then. I see how I progressed, my writing becomes more matured supposedly, becoming more thoughtful rather than more rubbish-y (although the rubbish is usually the fun stuff, no one wants to be serious all the time).

Old people always say wisdom comes with age, but you never really believe them when they say it. You, or in this case, I'd nod in agreement, but in my heart I'd say what a load of tartar sauce. haha.

Its been 4 years since i started blogging, well, to be exact 1 more month till its 4 years, the first entry on the previous blog was in March. And it takes me 4 years to realize what they were saying weren't bollocks after all.

For the most inexplicable of reasons, ever since I started working, the only thing I can talk about when having deep conversations with close work friends is about life. How is life nowadays, how life was before, what life is going to be like. When you grow up, you tend to worry more. You never worry about these sort of things when you were studying.

Really, when you think about it, sure while studying, you sometimes think about what you're going to be when you graduate, when you're going to start a family, etc2, but only when you graduate, only when you step into the real world do these things hit you smack! in the face, like a brick thrown by a professional brick-maker / thrower, if there ever was such a thing.

I worry. Yes, almost every day. I just try not to show it, because that's who I am. I am not one who shows his true emotions easily. I worry almost every single day, what I will be like one year from now, will I like what I'm doing, will I be happy with my life, will I be stable financially, will I be able to afford to start a family, all sorts of nonsensical rubbish.

Even then, I still consider myself lucky, seeing as how I still have freedom to do the things that I want, for example if I wanted to quit my job today, I'd still be okay. I can't imagine the things people endure when they're married, even more so when they're with children. They don't really have the luxury to do the things they wanted to do, they're bound to their spouse, they're bound to their children, and the responsibilities towards these people.

I sometimes meet people in the plant that are clearly unhappy with their work, they make no effort whatsoever to conceal it, but they still have to work. "Anak bini nak makan apa kalau berhenti? Kerja je la, nak hidup".

Sometimes people are so eager to get married, girls especially, but do they realize the responsibilities that comes with marriage? Its not just the ultimate gesture of commitment (for girls i think) or a way to legally get laid (for guys rofl), it is a binding contract that comes with heavy responsibilities that sometimes requires you to do things that you do not want.

But of course, it does come with its benefits.... rofl.

I have found over the years the importance of being social. Sometimes it is not something i feel like doing. "I have my group of friends, why do I need more again?", is what my brain would say. But in certain occasions, when you don't know anyone, you have to be social. Its just something that you have to conjure up, kinda like confidence. Plus you never know if that person you're talking is quite the interesting fella, and you'd definitely want to be friends with.

Speaking about confidence, I usually lack the confidence to talk to new people. I seem to have no problem with public speaking or interviews though, but when its one on one, like a social thing, i have problems. When its an interview, of course you get nervous, but I just suck it up and suddenly I'm all confident. When its one on one, its harder! I have no idea why that is. Most people have it backwards i think. Or maybe I'm the one backwards.

Oh, that reminds me, answer to encrypted message is I don't care anymore. Let it be so.Message is actually referring to the status of the interview i went to before. They still haven't given an answer, and I'm kinda tired of waiting. Congrats to those that figured it out! You have just won....

... nothing really.

And that little bit of information reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend KB. about catalysts. sometimes in life I need catalysts to push me to do stuff. It can be a certain someone, or a pressing situation, but I would often need a catalyst to react more quickly and more agressively. If not, I would just be like Patrick and watch as life, or a special someone, or a golden opportunity pass me by.

But that's just who I am. I can't help it. Maybe you can. And maybe I can help you. That's what friends are for, they say.

I've been truly blessed to have met and befriended the people that I know today, I would be absolutely lost and confused without them (you guys included), and though my ego does not allow me to show it, know that my heart cares deeply for each and every one of you.

My heart is so happy sometimes that I can't help but smile when I see you. My brain is telling me " keep it cool bruh! stop smiling!" but I just can't help it. haha. That's just who I am.

So cheers, assuming that you've actually read through the entire post,you've discovered a different side of your quiet friend today, and to avoid further damage to my ego, I shall stop here.

Till next time dear friend, peace.