This too shall pass

When one door closes, another door opens.

The open door, it pulls me. Unintentionally.

I try to resist.

It is unfamiliar. It is complicated.

Uncharted territory.

Staying stagnant is safer.

So I stared from afar.

And denied my feelings.

Until the agony was unbearable.

I mustered whatever courage I had.

I have stepped through the open door.

And I find myself falling.

With no end in sight.

Not yet.

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It felt like forever.

Sometimes I enjoyed it. Very much so.

Sometimes I dreaded the experience. Expecting the worse.

It is unclear. Well, it was unclear.

I finally saw the ground, and there was nothing there to soften the blow.

I crashed. I'm broken. I'm hurt.

In some ways I am glad.

The uncertainty was killing me from the inside.

But the crash is killing me both in and out.

I am scattered across the landscape.

I slowly pick myself up, piece by piece.

Life must go on. There is no moment of respite.

I put on my fake smile, and I go about my day as a normal man.

Barely keeping it together.

There are parts of me that hate this immensely.

How foolish was I to fall. To let myself fall.

Yet a small voice reminds me of how this needed to happen.

There was no other way for me to follow.

Ah, the mind can always argue reason and logic, but the heart wants what it wants.

There is no logic, no reasoning to it.

It just is.

I am haunted by what could've been.

I struggle to push away these nightmares I have in my waking moment.

Ironically sleep is my only solace.

In time this too shall pass.